A Darker Shade of Gold
by PointlessKnife
Summary: Hohenheim could leave them and their mother, he could have the audacity to show his face at Trisha's grave after disappearing from their lives for years, but this- this was just too much. After all, the complete failure of a father just turned him into a monster- a homunculus.
1. Chapter 1

Father was _not_ in a good mood. Lust had recently been killed, and that in itself was troubling. She had been a valuable pawn, and played a key role in some of his plans. Then there was the fact that Wrath hadn't done anything, and her killer was none other than a potential human sacrifice. One who knew too much for sure, but they couldn't waste even one potential human sacrifice. Yes, Roy Mustang needed to be monitered closely indeed.

To make matters worse, one of his children had just brought a troubling report. "Are you certain that is what you heard?" He asked.

Envy nodded. "Yep, Hohenheim was seen near Resembool."

Father paused. He hadn't seen or heard of Hohenheim in a long time. He had no solid idea as to what he had been doing all those years, but the several theories he had suggested nothing good. This could very quickly become a problem.

"Go and check to see if this is true." He ordered Envy, who nodded and walked towards one of the many tunnels that lead out of their base. Father watched the homunculus until shadows swallowed him whole. He idly wondered why he was feeling a nagging sense of dread about this whole situation, but dismissed the feeling. Envy wasn't completely unreliable, so he had no cause to worry.

* * *

Ed had expected many things when he went to visit his mother's grave. If he was to rate the things he saw coming, an alien invasion would come before Hohenheim's return. Then again, he didn't give himself much time to feel shock as the familiar rage whenever he heard Hohenheim's name resurfaced, only now he was seeing the bastard, he was, if possible, even angrier.

"Van Hohenheim," He snarled, storming up to the man who was staring at him, "how dare you show your face here!"

Recognition flashed in Hohenheim's gaze as he stared at his son. "Edward?" He asked softly, as if he wasn't sure that the boy glaring at him was really his son. "You've grown taller."

Ed let out an odd snarling noise. "Maybe that's because last time you saw me, I was a little kid, you bastard!" He spat, golden eyes staring at Hohenheim, burning with hatred.

Hohenheim recoiled slightly. "How can you call your own father a bastard?" He asked his son, his tone showing a fraction of his hurt, but really, if anything, he seemed confused.

"Bastard is a better word than what _you_ deserve!" Ed yelled, nearly causing Hohenheim to flinch. Did Ed really hate him that much?

"If we weren't in front of mum's grave, I would punch you so hard your glasses will be embedded in your face!" Ed yelled at him.

"I would hope not. That would be rude." A familiar, soft voice scolded him. Both father and son turned and stared at the new arrival. None other than Trisha Elric was standing before them.

Ed gasped, not daring to believe that the person standing in front of him really was his mother. She couldn't be here, there was no way, yet she was. The last Ed had seen of his mother was that _thing_ staggering around their basement, lurching towards him before collapsing, a tide of blood washing it away.

As Hohenheim stared at Trisha, memories of the time they spent together flashed throgh his mind. Her laughter, her kindness, her smile, so fleeting yet so beautfiful. It was that smile that he would see in his dreams, when he felt so homesick all he wanted was to turn back and see his family again...

At the same time, Ed was remembering his mother's weak smile as she sat in her bed, telling them over and over how strong they were. Trisha died with a smile on her face, still waiting for Hohenheim, still wanting to be with her sons. Still wanting to keep her promise.

* * *

The two stared at the woman in front of them. She was smiling, but it was all wrong. She looked like Trisha, but that was it. The light in her eyes wasn't warm and loving, it was cold and caculating. The smile wasn't hers. Trisha's smile was kind and lit up her whole face, but this smile was twisted and made her look like she was plotting something.

Out of pure coincidence, father and son spoke at the same time. "You're not her."

'Trisha' let out a laugh that proved them both right. "You really are alike."

Ed snapped at that comment. "No, we're not! I'm nothing like that bastard! I don't know who you are, but if you think you can just walk around wearing mum's face then-"

"Who are you?" Hohenheim interrupted coldly, glaring at 'Trisha'.

"Well, isn't that a bit cold?" 'Trisha' asked with a smirk, reaching into her coat pocket. Hohenheim narrowed his eyes at the sight of the gun, and didn't notice Ed tensing, ready to spring into action. Ed was begining to get an idea of who this was.

"Envy." Ed spat, making the homunculus grin.

"Well done! You're offically smarter than your father!" Envy laughed, begining to shift back into his normal form. Ed was shaking with rage.

"How dare you take that form here of all places. You're insulting her memory!" Ed snarled, lunging towards the still laughing homunculus. Envy jumped away, dodging easily.

"Careful, shorty. I'm not allowed to kill you, you're still useful." He mocked, watching Ed struggle to control his temper after remembering that they were in a graveyard.

"Still useful... So they really did do human transmutation." Hohenheim mumbled, staring at the scene dully, realising for the first time the true impact of what the boys had done in his absence. Alone and feeling abandoned they reached out for their mother, only to fall into _his_ hands. If only he had been there. Maybe then... Maybe Trisha... He was so busy thinking that he didn't notice the fight going on.

The fist gunshot jolted him from his dark thoughts. That was right, Ed was fighting. He was already a pretty bad father, there was truth to what Ed had said, and he wasn't about to allow himself to fall any farther.

Besides, this homunculus was clearly linked to _him_ and it was too dangerous to be allowed to live. He was just about to move, to go and help his son when Envy noticed and-

"Bastard, look out!" Ed yelled, flinging himself in front of Hohenheim. The bullet meant for him tore into Ed. Hohenheim watched in horror as his son collapsed, hands clutching his wounds, fingers twitching.

"Shit! He was a human sacrifice. I wasn't meant to kill him." Envy swore, turning to run. The gun fell to the floor with a dull _thump!_ but Hohenheim neither noticed nor cared.

His son had tried to protect him. Now Edward was slowly bleeding to death, eyes closed, breaths shallow. Blood was splattered all over Trisha's grave. It dripped down the stone like tears. Maybe she _was_ crying, far away, not wanting her son to join her so soon.

What kind of father watches his son die? No, he can fix this. He has to. It was his blood that started this whole mess, so it'd be his blood that would fix it. He just had to make it in time. At this point, he was willing to do anything to save his son, even if it meant turning him into a monster.


	2. Chapter 2

Pinako sighed when she heard the door slam. It was very likely that Ed had turned up, ran into Hohenheim, and that would explain his foul mood, causing him to slam the door. Or Ed had managed to annoy Hohenheim so much that he was in a door slamming mood. Either way, someone needed calming down. And yelling at. That door wasn't exactly new, and one of these days it was going to fall off the hinges but she was getting to the age where it would be a pain to fix.

Den had recoiled, backing into a corner, letting out an odd sound that was somewhere between a whimper and a growl. Rolling her eyes she walked over to soothe the animal. She didn't need Den to get so worked up that the automail leg would break, it'd be annoying to fix, and not to mention hurt the poor thing.

By the time she finally stopped Den from growling, but not whimpering, there had been several loud thumps and a nasty crash at one point. She hoped that whichever alchemist was mad, they'd be able to fix whatever they'd broken.

She supposed that it was around time she figured out what was going on. She was nearly at the front door when an agonised scream tore through the still air of the house. Pinako gasped, rushing forwards, fear flooding through her when she saw the bloodstains on the floor. Blood. Still air. It was too much like that night. The night that ruined the Elric brother's lives.

No... It couldn't be happening again. The russet smears led to a slightly ajar door. Pinako paused slightly, remembering that _thing_. It's milky eyes, glazed over, it's shuddering breath and the blood. Everywhere, there had been blood. Like now.

Just then, there was another scream. Now she stopped to listen, Pinako realised that it was Ed. Did that mean all that blood... was his? She hoped not, but either way she couldn't afford to linger out here anymore.

She could only gasp as she took in the sight that lay behind the door. There was a hastily sketched circle on the floor, and Ed was in the middle of it. There was a very big, very scary pool of blood surrounding him and soaking his clothes. The strangest thing was that he appeared to be uningured, but was thrashing around in pain.

Hohenheim was kneeling by the circle, looking unbearably sad. He turned as she entered, and stared at her, taking in her expression.

"What are you doing?" She demanded, throat dry all of a sudden.

Hohenheim was silent for a long time, but he finally replied quietly. "Saving his life."

There was another scream, and she looked at him, doubtful. "It doesn't look like it." She sniffed, wanting so badly to stop what was going on, but she didn't know enough about alchemy to try, and she might just end up making things worse. So she had no choice but to trust Hohenheim here, and hope. Hope that Ed would truly be okay after this.

Eventually everything stopped, the red lightning slowed down and Ed ended up sleeping, looking so peaceful that Pinako was almost convinced that everything really was okay. Almost.

* * *

She poured herself and Hohenheim a cup of tea, and they sat in silence at the old, battered table. "I hope you know what you're doing." She said finally.

"I know." Hohenheim sighed, suddenly looking very old. "Believe me, I know."

They had put Ed down in one of the cots used for automail patients. At least he'd be somewhere remotely familiar when he woke up. It was rather ironic as well as sad. No child should ever have to need automail maintanance so often that they become familiar with one of those cots. Ed really was something else. His determination kept him going, always bouncing back whenever he was pushed down.

But now... She wasn't so sure. The memory of that scream nearly made her shudder. So much pain. It couldn't be right, but if Hohenheim was right and it was the only way... Well, that still didn't make it right.

She turned and looked Hohenheim straight in the eye. "I don't know what you did to Edward, but remember he's still your son, Hohenheim." She told him, quietly, but in a firm tone. She had no idea what happened, but the young alchemist was probably going to need all the support he could get. Hohenheim had walked away once, and she wouldn't let him do it again.

The light streaming through the window reflected off his glasses, effectively hiding his eyes, but did nothing about the lone tear trailing down his cheek. "I know Pinako... I know..."

* * *

The first thing Ed was aware of was how weird everything felt. He felt like his body was overflowing with energy, and his heart must've been beating super fast, because it felt odd. He lay in silence, struggling to describe the strange new _things_ that were clearly messing with him.

Only after he finally gave up trying to guess what was wrong with him, did Ed become aware of what was going on around him. He'd kept his eyes closed, pretending to be asleep, and too focused to really notice what was going on around him. Slowly, he realised that he was lying on something soft, but despite that, he wasn't really comfortable. It was that energy again, and it was coursing through him. He breifly thought that it was similar to lightning, but even that was a pale comparison.

Desperately, he searched through his memories in a hunt for anything that could explain this. In flashes, he remembered. At the graveyard, him yelling at Hohenheim, letting out some of the rage he had struggled to contain over the years. The angelic face of his mother, framed by a halo of light hair twisting into a smirk, eyes cold and dark, like pitch black tunnels, and at the very end, his own horror staring right back at him.

Lastly the gunshot, jumping in front of of his father, then his world shattering, exploding into agony. After that... nothing. Now he was alarmed. Was he dead?

No... This wasn't the feeling of the gate, and he was fairly sure that whatever hell he ended up in wouldn't smell like sawdust and coffee. Well, unless Winry was waiting to kill him again for breaking his automail, but he didn't remember breaking either his arm or his leg, but now he thought about it, his ports both itched, but why?

He finally blinked open his eyes to find himself in the Rockbell's house. He expected a struggle in order to sit up, but the gesture was easy. There was no sudden flare of pain, but there was no way he could've possibly healed, something told him that he hadn't been out for that long.

"So you're awake." Ed span around at the voice, and to his suprise (and disgust) Hohenheim was sitting in a chair, watching him with an unreadable expression.

"I'm glad you're alright." Hohenheim continued, while Ed just stared. Why was Hohenheim even still here? Wait! He was there at the graveyard! Maybe he knew something... Well, Ed supposed he'd have to actually talk to his father in order to find out.

"What happened?" He asked, voice slightly hoarse and croaky.

"I'm sorry, Ed." Hohenheim said sadly, unable to meet his eyes, so the old man stared at the floor. Ed froze, dreading his next words. Seconds passed by like hours, horribly slow, a pit opening in his stomach.

Hohenheim's next words were so quiet that Ed nearly missed them. "It was the only way. I'm so, so sorry."

Ed couldn't bear the waiting. He just wanted to know what was going on. Why he felt like this, why he wasn't wounded. It occured to him a second to late that ignorance might be better, that the truth might hurt.

"I had no choice. There was no other way, I had to turn you into a homunculus." And just like that, Ed's world shattered around him.


	3. Chapter 3

"You're lying. There's no way!" Ed yelled, suddenly scared. It couldn't be the truth. He couldn't be one of them. He couldn't! He was human, he wasn't one of those _things_!

"It is. I'm sorry, Edward, but you really are a homunculus now." Hohenheim still couldn't even look at him. No... It was all making too much sense. The stange new powers he felt, his lack of pain or injury... It was all adding up.

"But... But you... How?" Ed asked weakly, after trying to accept it. This had to be some sort of sick joke, right? Hohenheim couldn't do it... Could he?

"Ed, I'm a living Philosopher's Stone. All it took was my blood." Hohenheim finally met his eyes, and it scared Ed how serious he was.

"No..." Ed whispered.

"If you don't believe me, check the bullet wound." Hohenheim told him, suddenly sounding very tired and very old.

Ed slowly looked downwards. There was a hole in his shirt, which was stained with dried blood. There was something on his skin, he could see it through the tear. It was red... Was it blood? He shuddered. There wasn't a wound, he could tell that much.

He shrugged and took off his shirt, and stared in horror at what he found. Right next to his heart was the ouroboros. Bright red, leaping at his eyes. That was it. He really was a homunculus now. Was he a monster, or could he cling to his humanity? If he could, how long would it be? No, he was still human. He had to be. For Al. For his little brother's sake.

"I guess I really am one of them now." Ed said quietly, but Hohenheim heard him.

"Ed, you're not a monster." Hohenheim told him firmly.

"Oh really? What would you know, old man?" Ed snapped, finally losing it. It was his fault. He did this. It was him Ed took the bullet for, heck, none of this would've happened if Hohenheim never-

"Edward, I've spent the last four hundred years convinced I'm a monster." Hohenheim told his son, looking for some way, any way to comfort him.

"Oh yeah, you mentioned you were a Philosopher's Stone in human form. I don't even want to know." Ed muttered, glaring at his father, though it was like the usual fire in his eyes had been put out.

"I could hear them Ed. They were trapped inside me." Hohenheim tried again. He so badly didn't want Ed to be alone in this.

"And now I can't hear them, they're trapped inside me and will eventually be killed." Ed snapped, and just like that, the fire in his eyes blazed up as he glared at his father once more, reminded of what he was and what he could never go back to. Hohenheim hadn't used all of the souls, but most of them were indeed now dedicated to keeping his son alive.

"Ed, I'm sorry, but-" Hohenheim tried again, but this time Ed cut him off.

"But what, you bastard?" He yelled. Then he let out a broken whisper. "Why?"

"I couldn't just let you die, Ed." Hohenheim said softly, begining to get the feeling that he was making things worse.

"Maybe you should have." Ed said quietly, and Hohenheim wasn't sure he heard it right. "What right did you have?"

"Ed, I'm your father." Hohenheim tried, one last time.

"I don't think so," Ed laughed bitterly, "you gave up that title long ago."

Hohenheim sighed and turned away, resolving to try again later, leaving Ed to his own thoughts.

* * *

All Ed could see were the faces. Al's armour scrambling away from him, his childish voice screaming at him, begging for his brother back. Roy staring at him, eyes wide in shock, mouthing one word 'monster'. The Truth, laughing, Hawkeye glaring. They were scared of him, hated him (in the Truth's case, amused). Not for one second could he blame them.

"Ed!" Pinako called, jolting him out of his thoughts. "Your father is leaving. He wants to talk to you!"

Ed rolled his eyes. Hohenheim hadn't tried talking to him again after that horrible first attempt. Still, he should probably go and see the bastard. Maybe he could actually punch him in the face now.

Hohenheim stared at his son, suprised that Edward actually turned up. "Before you try to punch me, which you have every right to do, I need to tell you something important." He paused, and when Ed paused to listen, he continued. "Your military is corrupt. It's lead by a homunculus, named Wrath."

"Wait, so you mean the Führer is a homunculus?" Ed gasped.

"I'm afraid so," Hohenheim continued gravely, "I ask that you keep an eye on him, as the father of the homunculi is planning something terrible and it involves all of this country. I'm doing my best to stop it, but I might not be able to. All I ask is that you moniter their plans as best you can."

Ed rolled his eyes. "Could you be any more vague? You know what? Fine, I'll help." If Hohenheim was suprised at this, he hid it well.

"Thank you Ed. For all it's worth, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did, I'm sorry that I have to leave and I'm so sorry that I can't make it up to you or Alphonse."

Ed looked away. "Whatever, bastard." Well, it was a start. At least he wasn't yelling.

"One last thing, Ed. That thing you transmuted. Are you sure it was really Trisha?" Hohenheim asked sadly.

Ed frozed. "W-what do you mean?"

"The voice, the hair, was it really her? Nevermind. I'm sorry." Hohenheim shook his head and walked away, leaving Ed with his mind racing. Eventually, Ed turned and walked back to Pinako's house.

"Are you alright, Ed?" She asked. Her concerns hadn't faded. Yes, he seemed fine, but who knew what he was hiding?

"I will be..." He paused, then made up his mind. "Hey Granny, can you help me with something?"

* * *

"That thing wasn't even Trisha? That's the cruelest thing I've ever seen." Pinako exclaimed in horror.

"No, this is good." Ed muttered, kneeling by the grave he had recently made. "It means I can still get Al back."

"I don't get what you mean." Pinako sighed, shaking her head.

"It really is impossible to bring back the dead... But Al didn't die, Al- his body, it's still in the gate!" Ed realised. "He's still there!"

"I don't get what you're on about, but I gather this is good news?" Pinako asked, completely lost if not for his tone.

"Yeah," Ed nodded, hope renewed once again, "the best."

"Are you heading back to Central?" Pinako asked as they started to head back to the house.

"Yeah. I need to talk to Al." _I need to face this. I need to accept this._ "I just hope he can manage to forgive his older brother." _For what I've done. For what I'm becoming. For what I'm not going to tell him and... For what I'm going to do._

* * *

"How could you fail, Envy?" Father asked, voice eerily calm.

"I didn't mean to! The kid just jumped right in front of the bullet!" Envy argued, knowing that if he didn't argue well enough here, he was screwed.

"And pray tell me why you were using a gun anyway." Father said, ice creeping into his tone.

"That Hohenheim guy was going to get in the way." Envy complained.

Father paused. "Yes, he can be rather annoying. I had forgotten breifly."

Envy relaxed slightly. Maybe he had got away after all?

"None the less, you're actions still cost us a valuable human sacrifice." Father fixed Envy with a cool glare. Damn it. He had been so close, too.


	4. Chapter 4

Ed discovered several things on the train ride to Central. The first was that being a homunculus was going to take a lot of getting used to. No matter how hard he tried, he kept on seeing other people as different, and after thinking of every possible way out of admitting it and failing, as human. So, he figured that it was about time to start admiting that he wasn't really human anymore, as if his new senses and weird feelings weren't enough before.

Well, the second was that instant regeneration meant _instant_. When he was flicking through an alchemy book to calm his nerves, which since he had become a homunculus had been everywhere, he managed to get a papercut. The healing was so fast that he wouldn't have even noticed if he hadn't got a tiny smear of blood on the page.

It was another painful reminder that he wasn't normal anymore. Once again, he could hear his brother's voice calling him a monster, and even though he knew he was imagining it, it still hurt. At one point, it all felt so real that he took a second to scan the crowded train for his brother, only to find no suit of armour anywhere. For some reason, it made him feel even lonlier.

Then finally he figured out why his automail ports had been itching and burning. His Philosopher's Stone, as it turned out, was trying to regenerate his arm and leg. For one terrible second, he considered just taking the automail off and letting him finally regain his missing limbs. Then he remembered the promise he made with Al. They'd do it together.

Never had he hated himself more than in that instant. He was already becoming a selfish monster, forgetting his only remaining family. He wondered if Al would accept him, if he ever found out. Probably not. He was a monster, he wasn't human. He couldn't be human.

Al would be better of without him...

* * *

Ed stared at the hotel where he knew his brother and Winry were staying, suddenly scared. If he messed up here, they'd know. What if his acting wasn't good enough? What if they found out? No, he could do this. He wasn't human, but he could act like one? For Al. For Winry.

His acting skills were put to the test the second he walked through the doors. Winry must've been lying in wait, because she was suddenly running towards him.

"You idiot!" She yelled, making him flinch back. Did she know? No, she couldn't... Winry didn't even know what the homunculi were. Which meant only one thing...

"W-Winry, I didn't even break my automail!" He said quickly, blaming his stutter on nerves.

"Not that," She hissed, grabbing him by the shoulders and steering him to one of the rooms they were staying in., "I mean _this_!"

There were several things wrong with that room. Well, more specifically, the people in it.

Al, as much as he possibly could, looked sheepish, despite half of his face and an arm were missing. "HOW THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN THIS BEAT UP?!" Ed yelled, utterly pissed off. What, was it 'let's try to kill the Elric brothers' week?

Then, he turned to the second problem. Ling and his bodyguard, Lan Fan were sitting there, staring at him, wide eyed with a huge platter of food in front of them. Any other time, the sight of Ling pausing with food halfway to his mouth and staring at something with his eyes wide for once would be comical, but his next words rattled Ed far too much.

They came out as a hoarse whisper, but he heard the words perfectly. "What the hell happened to you?" The sheer horror that was hardly contained made Ed's blood run cold. He knew.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Ed denied coldly, suprising himself. Then he took a second to collect his thoughts... "Wait, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE?" He exploded.

Ling, still in shock merely pointed at the food. "Eating, duh."

Ed spent the next ten seconds kicking them out, ignoring Ling's odd look. If the stupid Prince ruined everything he... wasn't going to finish that thought.

"So," he turned back to Al, eye twitching, still annoyed at the Xingese people, "why are you so beat up?"

Ed's eye was twitching for a whole different reason when his brother replied; "Sorry, brother. I got into a fight with one of those monsters, a homunculus named Lust."

* * *

"What if," Al gasped, all of a sudden, "it's rotten?"

Ed had recently explained his theories to Al and Winry, and they had both fallen silent after a while. Both Ed and Winry turned to stare at Al, not exactly sure where he was going with.

Al sighed, seeming to realise that they weren't getting it. "Well, wherever my body is, it's not getting any nutrients or sleep, is it?" He explained. "So what if it's just rotting away, and when I get it back, it falls apart?"

Winry let out a shriek at the mental image this caused, and clung to Ed's arm. "What are we going to do?" She wailed.

Ed closed his eyes, taking time to think about it, concentrating on driving the shadows away. For an instant, just a fleeting instant, it was like nothing had changed. Except nothing was the same. At least nothing about him. He was so different, but they were the same. There was some kind of invisible wall between them. They were human, he wasn't. It made no difference on the outside, but in the inside... They were already worlds apart. He shouldn't be there. They wouldn't want him there if they knew. If they knew...

Was it selfish to want to be there so much that he was lying to them?

"This is just a hypothesis, but, when we tried to transmute mum, we mixed our blood, right?" He spoke slowly, making sure he didn't stutter or do anything to reveal his fear. He was quite proud of his acting skills, which hadn't existed until now, as it sounded like he was just speaking slowly as he mentally checked his theory.

"Um, yeah." Al said, voice betraying his interest.

"Well, then we were taken to the place where we were both 'deconstructed', so maybe somewhere along the way, our spirits crossed." Ed explained, trying to figure out why there was a pit in his stomach as he said this.

"What are you trying to say?" Al asked. Apparently he hadn't made much sense at all.

"I'm saying that even though I'm here and you're somewhere else, there's a possibility that we're still connected somehow," he trailed off, realising where exactly he had been going with this, and not liking it at all, "I mean... for my age I'm pretty... s-short." He whispered at the end. Seriously, when he was turned into a homunculus, couldn't he have at least been made taller? Turned into a... That was it! What if Al had somehow been affected when he had been changed into a monster? What if Al's body had somehow been turned right alongside him, or if the stone somehow blocked whatever help he was giving his brother?

"I think he's gone into shock after calling himself short." Winry commented, poking his face, which jolted him back to reality.

"Hey, I'm not that short!" He argued, though it wasn't quite to the usual standard of his explosions, as he was still horrified from his theory.

"Yes, you are! And if you're really taking care of the both of us, you need to eat enough and get lots of sleep!" Al said, fussing like a mother hen already.

"Jeez Al, I'm not a little kid anymore!" _Or human_.

"Still, I worry about you, brother!" Al said fondly.

 _You shouldn't. I'm a monster._


	5. Chapter 5

"Brother, how are we going to get my body out of the portal?" Al asked, sounding slightly hopeless. Winry had just excused herself to go to her own room for some much needed sleep.

"Well, we'll have to sacrifice something and open it, then drag your body out." Ed shrugged, already thinking of his Philosopher's Stone. Maybe it'd work out for both of them. Al would get his body back and Ed would be human again. Heck, at this point he wouldn't care if he didn't get his arm and leg back, he just wanted to be normal again.

"Brother!" Al scolded. Ed, for one panicked moment, wondered if he'd just spoken out loud.

"I know what you're thinking," the suit of armour continued, "'what's one more limb' right? That's not fair brother, we promised that we'd both get our bodies back _together_!"

Ed was reminded of earlier and never hated himself more. That was right. They made a promise. And he'd nearly forgotten, twice in one day. Who does that to their own brother?

Besides, he couldn't he just take off his automail, despite how painful it sounded and then just rip out his Philosopher's Stone and use that? Wait, could he even do that? He knew he could still use alchemy (which he was very glad hadn't been stolen from him), but would it work on his own stone? If it was a part of him, which he reluctantly supposed it was, would it count as human transmutation? What if there was a precaution against that and his alchemy didn't even work on his own stone? Heck, did he even know where his own stone was? He probably should, and he had a sneaking suspicion that it was right where his heart once was, but he couldn't really check with Al there.

No, he wouldn't risk anything yet. He'd find out. He wouldn't sacrifice this precious illusion of being normal, of being alright, of being human. _It was all that was keeping him from falling to pieces..._

"Yeah, you're right Al. We did make a promise. I'm sorry." _I'm sorry that I dragged you into this. I'm sorry that you're trapped in a metal body that can't even cry, sleep or feel pain. I'm sorry that what you belive in isn't real. I'm sorry that I'm such a monster._

Al shrugged, "there's always the Philosopher's Stone..."

Ed flinched. Had Al just read his mind? "Yeah, but they're kinda hard to get." He sighed. Yes, hard to get, definitely, since there was one in the room right there.

"That reminds me. They called us human sacrifices." Al murmured. "That's why they aren't supposed to kill us."

Ed managed to pass of his sarcastic snort as a coughing fit. "Is there anything else we know about them?" He managed eventually.

"Well, only that people that have the power to pass through the portal are chosen as sacrifices... But in my case, you're the one who pulled me back, brother." Al sighed.

"Then they must plan to open the portal. Why? Actually, who's giving them orders? Is it the same person who made them, their Father?" Ed muttered darkly.

"Huh, their Father? He made them? How would you even make a homunculus?" Al wondered.

"Oh, that's easy. A homunculus can be made by inserting a Philosopher's Stone into a human's bloodstream." Ed answered automatically. He didn't realised what he said for a full second, before he began to panic.

 _Did I really just say that? I did, didn't I? Oh God, now he knows. He knows I'm a monster. He knows what I am. I'm a monster... He knows. I'm not human anymore. He'll hate me._

 _I deserve the hate. I lied. I'm a monster._

 _I'm sorry._

"Huh, how do you know that, brother?" Al asked curiously. Ed's eyes lit up as he realised there was still hope, maybe he wasn't that obvious! Then he could still lie his way out of this, and shelter his little brother just a little bit longer.

"Oh, the bastard told me." _Well, it was more like a demonstration._

"Wait, you actually discussed alchemy with dad? Instead of punching him in the face?" Al gasped. It was around then that Ed realised that he had forgotten to actually get around to punching the world's worst father.

"Damn it, I can't believe that I forgot to do that!" Ed snarled, punching the wall with his automail instead. Al sighed and used alchemy to fix the dent.

"You've matured so much! What did Dad tell you?" Al said egarly, and it appeared that he'd completely forgotten about Ed's nearly fatal mistake.

"Hm, he actually knew quite a lot about homunculi." Ed told his brother. Well, it wasn't a complete lie. "Including their identities."

"Oh really? Who is there?" Al questioned, curiousity apparently winning him over.

"Well, erm... There's all the ones we know about, Lust, Envy, Gluttony and well, there was a Greed... Well you know the Führer? He's one." _Oh yeah, and there's one in this room, talking to you!_ Ed thought bitterly. He was just like them, wasn't he? How long would this last? How long would they think he was normal?

"Really? Oh... That actually explains quite a lot. We probably need to talk to a homunculus if we want more answers." _Talk away, little brother._ "Either that or-"

There was a sudden loud knock on their door. "Edward, are you in?"

"Huh, Sergeant Brosh? What are you doing here?" Ed asked as the young man entered their room.

"I have an urgent notice concerning all State Alchemists. Apparently Scar has been sighted and has already killed more people. There's also an updated version of his description." Brosh panted. "An Ishvalan man with an x-shaped scar across his forehead, and a tattoo that covers his entire right arm."

Suddenly, Ed remembered something. Flashes from another conversation, from another time, that seemed so long ago, surfaced from his memory. An Ishvalan warrior. Face covered with bandages. Tattoo on his right arm. Killed the Rockbells.

No way... The man that had killed Winry's parents... was Scar?

* * *

"Scar killed Winry's parents?" Al sounded distraught. Ed was once again struck by how Al couldn't cry. Stuck in a metal body. A time bomb. His fault. His mistake. Monster.

"Seems likely." Ed groaned.

"Brother, you can't tell Winry this!" Al said anxiously.

"I'm not going to. I don't want to see her cry again." Ed sighed. He breifly wondered if Winry would cry when she found out, or would she yell? No, she couldn't find out. For some reason, he felt that her calling him a monster would hurt almost as much as if it were Al yelling.

"Me neither." Al agreed sadly.

"Well, it's decided. We're going after Scar again." Ed said loudly.

"Are you going to ask about Winry's parents? Brother, it's a bad idea." Al told him, his tone worried.

"Yeah. And there's a chance it'll lure out the homunculi," Ed explained. "they called me their 'precious human sacrifice' and that they were 'letting me live'," _well, I wouldn't put too much faith in that, considering one of them shot me, but I think Al will believe it,_ "and if I'm in danger because of Scar," _if they hear I'm alive,_ "then they'll probably show up."

"It seems like a long shot." Al told him, still sounding uncertain.

Ed would agree, knowing what he did now. But he knew what he'd say if he wasn't like... this. "It's better than doing nothing!" _Am I changing? Already! What if it gets too late to go back to being normal? Is Al going to have to watch his brother turn into a monster? No... NO! I'm human... I just have to stay that way._

"But brother, how will we capture the homunculi, even if they do show up?" Al challenged, making Ed panic slightly. He hadn't thought that far ahead yet! He opened his mouth to respond, someone beat him to it.

"Don't worry! I overheard," Despite his smile, Ling was glaring at Ed coldly, "everything."


	6. Chapter 6

Ed only faintly heard Al asking how long they'd been there. He was too busy worrying. _He knows... I forgot he could sense the souls that are now stuck inside me. He knows. He knows. No... He knows I'm a monster. Is that why he was out there? To keep an eye on me? To see if I was going to kill Al like the monster I am? No... I would never do that! But does he know that? Even if he does, will he tell Al._

"I've been here ever since I got kicked out my room!" Ling said cheerfully, still staring at Ed. He shifted uncomfortably. Would he tell? If he was going to, Ed couldn't afford to show weakness...

Ed stared back, wondering where this was going, and if he could shut him up in time.

"I'll help you with your plan." Ling told them, but he was still looking at Ed with eyes that could freeze hell.

"What are you planning really?" Ed asked, tone flat, not believing what the Prince said for a second.

"We're _friends_! I just want to help!" Ling exclaimed.

"That's complete crap." Ed snorted.

"We can detect their presence." Ed ignored the meaningful look Ling sent him. "So we'll ambush one."

"Yeah, well-" Ed started, but Ling interrupted him.

"Excuse me, I'd like to have a little chat with Ed, Alhponse." Ling apologised to the flustered suit of armour before dragging Ed out of the room.

* * *

"Okay, you're not Envy. You know stuff that only Ed could know. What are you?" Ling snarled quietly.

"What do you think?" Ed spat back with equal venom.

"Okay, homunculus. Who are you and what have you done with Edward Elric? You must've interrogated him to know what you know." Ling growled, eyes flashing dangerously.

"I am Ed." Ed argued.

"Yeah right. You're too tall." Ling was bluffing, but Ed couldn't tell that.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT?" Ed demanded, ready to punch the Xingese prince. _First he accuses me of being Envy then calls me short. What a jerk!_

"Hmph. Even if you are Ed, then why can I sense so many souls inside you?" Ling asked, still glaring.

Ed glared back. "You know what? Fine. I got shot by Envy and my bastard of a dad turned me into a homunculus."

"Yeah, that story is so believeable." Ling said sarcastically.

"Well, it's the truth and I didn't ask for your opinion. By the way, if you see a man with an eyepatch and in military uniform, don't drop your guard. He's a homunculus, the bastard told me." Ed told the prince, before shoving past him, intending to go back to his room, but Ling grabbed his wrist and stopped him.

"If you're really Ed. I'm sorry. If you prove you're not, I'm going to kill you then tell Alphonse. In fact, I'm keeping a constant watch on you, so don't even think of hurting Alphonse." He warned.

"Noted." Ed shrugged, trying not to let anything show on his face. _It's true. I am a monster. Ling knows it, and if he doesn't believe me, Al will know and then I'll lose everything. Who am I kidding? I'm already losing it._

 _And I can't get it back._

* * *

"Just don't run off with the homunculus." Ed spat.

"Now, would I do a thing like that?" Ling questioned innocently.

"Probably." Ed rolled his eyes.

"I wouldn't do that when I owe you food, _Edward_." Ling told him. _He already thinks that I'm am imposter. Great._

"Wait, what do you mean you owe me food?" Ed wondered.

"This is Ling's room service bill." Al offered.

"DAMN RIGHT YOU OWE ME!" Ed exploded, kicking Ling out of the window. He didn't be a genius to know that Lan Fan had been waiting to catch him. Sadly, his little tantrum woke Winry up and well... She wasn't very impressed.

"SHUT UP!" She screamed, bursting into their room. "I need to get up early enough to get the train for rush valley tomorrow."

"Oh yeah." Ed smiled nervously. "Maybe you should... uh, cancel that? I mean... my automail might break..." _And I don't know if my port is enough to stop it from regenerating._

"Are you _planning_ on breaking it?" She snarled, nearly hitting Ed with a wrench, and he was suddenly very greatful he dodged it.

"No," he shook his head, "I'm preparing for the worst."

* * *

Ed knew he would have to do this. He was the one that planned it. It was necessary. So why did he hate clowning around and doing random alchemy? It was probably something to do with the stares. He swore he could feel everyone staring at the back of his head wherever he went, but at least they weren't unfriendly stares, just people who were curious or happy. Still, it made him think that they _knew_.

Soon, he and Al sat outside. "We should do this more often." He laughed. "I think everyone knows my name!" _I wonder if it reached the homunculi's ears? I hope so... I'd like a chance to fight Envy for what he did._

"Of course they are, brother, you were acting so flamboyant." Al sighed fondly.

"Great, I'm becoming famous and luring out Scar! Two birds with one stone! Now all we need to do is wait for the homunculi turn up!" Ed said smugly.

He watched with mild horror as a car rolled up beside them, and the window slowly rolled down. In that one fleeting second, Ed could totally understand why homunculi hated humans. For what was staring at him was possibly the most arrogant and useless face in the world.

"Hello Colonel." Ed said stiffly.

"Fullmetal, what _are_ you doing?" The man asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Erm... Nothing?" Ed tried, giving up when he saw the look on the useless bastard's face. "Maria Ross told me everything."

"Good." Roy muttered.

"I also heard about Havoc, maybe-" Ed was about to suggest Dr. Marcoh, but Roy silenced him with a wave of his hand.

"We might be overheard. Get in the car." Roy ordered. He lasted thirty seconds of Al crushing him in the cramped back of the car before suggesting they talk outside. Wimp.

* * *

"So Dr. Marcoh is missing? Damn, they must've got him." Ed swore, kicking a wall with his automail foot.

"Enough of that. The way you've been acting, Fullmetal," Ed froze, "you must've heard that Scar is around. Do you _want_ him you find you?" Roy asked angrily.

"Yeah. Well done!" Ed said sarcastically, but then continued in a more serious tone. "I need to fight him again."

"Have you forgotten what Scar did to you last time?" Roy shrieked.

"Don't tell me the big brave Colonel is scared?" Ed jeered. This was so normal. It was almost like nothing had changed. _Almost_. All it would take was the truth and all of this would be gone. Forever.

"Shut up! I'm not scared, but look at you! You're as white as a sheet!" Roy shot back.

 _That obvious? I'm screwed._ "You're drenched and it isn't even raining!" Ed snorted.

"Boys." Hawkeye snapped, staring at someone approaching them. One glance and they knew it was Scar.

Ed glared at the Ishvalan warrior as he approached them. He'd killed Winry's parents. He killed Nina.

 _Come on then, Scar! Let's find out which monster is gonna die first. Me or you?_


	7. Chapter 7

"Don't shoot!" Ed yelped as Hawkeye aimed her gun at the terrorist.

"What are you talking about?" She argued.

"No time to explain!" Ed yelled, jumping away from the wave of destruction that Scar had wordlessly sent at them. He could distantly hear Al explaining things to the others, but he was more focused on dodging.

 _Don't get hit. Don't heal. Don't let them see. Don't reveal yourself! Monster!_

"Share your spoils when you're done!" Roy yelled, before racing off. Ed didn't know what Al said, but it worked.

He narrowly avoided another wave of destruction, mentally groaning as a good chunk of the road was destroyed. With a growl, he transmuted some of the rubble into a wall, only to have Scar blast through it a second later. He jumped out of the way as the terrorist lunged and started transmuting spikes, trying to maintain a relentless volley of attacks so the Ishvalan wouldn't have time to retaliate.

Soon his brother had joined him in attacking Scar. They tried so many different things... More walls, snake heads, sharp rocks, but he just kept on coming. It didn't help that soon Al had to drop out in order to stop the soldiers from shooting.

Occasionally, bits of rubble would catch him in the face and leave small cuts, but they healed quickly. Ed was suddenly very glad that Al was busy. _Monster. You're using their souls. They're people too! Murderer! Monster!_

The soldiers were begining to get restless, and starting to yell at Al to get out the way.

 _I need to get Scar away from here... That shouldn't be a problem, I'm not even tired yet! Did I always have this much durability? No, I don't think so, it must've been from the change. So why does it feel so natural? I'm changing, aren't I? How long until I give up?_

* * *

"I still don't trust that homunculus." Ling muttered. Lan Fan nodded silently. The thing felt unnatural, as all homunculi did, and it looked just like the blonde alchemist, but Ed wasn't a homuculus before, and there was no way he could trust it's word. For all they could know, the real Ed could be possessed, or slowly tortured for information to give the imposter.

Still, if what it said was true, and it really was Ed, then it must be absolute hell, lying to everyone and trying to live with what he'd become.

Ling shook his head. That thing wasn't Edward. The story was just too... unbelievable.

"Prince!" Lan Fan called, jolting him back to his senses. Sure enough, there was a sickening presence approaching them, and right beside it, a human aura. Ling frowned, and after moving around the roof they were standing on, he saw that the human was wearing an eyepatch.

Ed said he was a homunculus, but the man felt human. Was it a trap? A trick designed to make him kill someone innocent? After all, the homunculus that called itself Edward couldn't be trusted. If that was the case, then why wasn't this human running away from the homunculus... In fact, was it taking orders from the man?

"Lan Fan, be careful, the man with the eyepatch is a homunculus even though he feels human." Ling warned, hating his choice already. If that man was innocent and the homunculus was lying... Then it wasn't Ed, and Alphonse would have to know. Even if it was the real Ed, and he was wrong, then Ed had clearly changed. He wouldn't gamble someone's life like that.

"Right." She nodded, and a second later, one of her throwing knives embedded itself in the man's forehead.

Ling watched in horrified fascination as the man frowned and tugged out the knife, the wound healing itself and then he turned and glared at them. Right at them.

"Well, looks like he wasn't lying after all," Ling shrugged uneasily, "shall we go and greet them, then?" Lan Fan nodded grimly and she gripped the handle of her knife tighter.

* * *

Ed swore as the ground collapsed beneath him. He barely managed to leap away as the second blast came, only to find himself face to face with Scar himself. He clapped his hands, praying that he was right. If he wasn't, then he hoped that Al would somehow convinently not see what happened next. _Monster!_

There was a small explosion from the impact of where he met Scar's hand with his automail, concentrating his alchemy had just saved his lie.

"Phew, I lucked out!" He forced a grin as his sleeve fell to pieces and revealed his unharmed automail.

"You negated the destuction energy? Brother, you're too reckless!" Al scolded. The brothers watched as Scar's sleeve slowly fell away, to reveal a tattoo.

"A tattoo..." Al gasped.

"Did this bastard really kill Winry's parents?" Ed hissed.

Sadly, he didn't have time to question the man as Scar rushed towards him, hand aiming for his face. Ed narrowed his eyes and ran, nearly slamming straight into a dead end. He cursed, checking behind him to see Scar approaching fast. There was nothing else for it.

He scrambled up the drainpipe, not caring how the peeling paint flaked away. He could fix it later. He panicked as the slowly moved away from the wall. Scar was destroying it from the bottom. This wasn't good!

He managed to shove himself away from the wall, but found himself free falling. Well, his stone would cure a broken neck, right? _Sorry, Al._ He braced himself for impact, ready to feel most of his bones shatter at once.

Instead, he was caught by a stone hand that was hastily transmuted by his brother.

"Thanks bro!" He called, relieved beyond words. _Safe for now. But my secrets will always lurk in the shadows. How long until the light falls on them?_

"Just get down here!" His brother responded, running towards Scar.

Ed rolled his eyes and jumped onto a nearby balcony, startling a young woman who had no doubt come to see what all the noise was about. "Sorry!" He said quickly, creating a wall to block the sharp rocks aimed at them, probably all that remained of Al's earlier transmutation. _At least I saved someone. Maybe there is hope for me after all..._ "I'll fix the damage later!" He promised, before darting around the wall and dropping back onto the ground below just in time to see Scar take out some bystanders.

"Hey! Leave the bystanders alone!" He snapped. He saw Al glance at him, and Ed realised that some of the blood from his now healed wounds was still covering his face and flesh arm, making him look injured. His brother probably thought he was tired.

He was proven right as his brother yelled at Scar accusingly. "Scar! How can you accuse alchemists of defying your God when you use alchemy to kill them? You're just covering up murder!"

Scar turned to glare at Alphonse, simply replying, "there are those who create and those who destroy."

Al paused, and something like sadness flickered in Al's glowing red eyes. "Destroy... How can you achieve anything if all you do is take life? What about Shou Tucker and his innocent daughter Nina? How do you justify killing them?" He yelled, and Ed flinched from the raw emotion in his brother's voice.

"A man I killed the other day said something similar to that. He said that I was no match for those who had the power to create. Answer me this: you claim you possess the power of creation? It's the same power that turns people into monsters, like how it turned that girl into an abomination!"

Al gasped in horror, and Ed could only stare, suddenly very aware of the energy that had slowly become familiar flooding his body. Souls. There were souls trapped inside of him, unable to do anything but wait to die... Alchemy did this, it was true, but it was his mistakes that lead him down that path. Maybe the problem wasn't alchemy but the hearts of the people who weilded it?

"Such power only creates tragedy. Alchemy only leads to pain. That is the path that you chose to follow!" Scar finished.

 _It's my fault. I'm the reason Al can't cry, or sleep, or feel pain... or smile. It's my fault I'm not human anymore. It's my fault souls are dying. All because I walk the path of alchemy and my own ignorance? Even if that's the case, I'll walk this path until I've fixed every last thing I've done._

 _I won't become a monster!_

 _Not yet._

 _Just a little longer. I can't leave Al like this._


	8. Chapter 8

Ed could hardly stand to listen to Scar's words, the truth about what would have happened to Nina.

 _What he's saying is true. Deep down, we knew it. All along, we knew that Nina would've... The situation was hard, and we didn't know what to do, but that doesn't excuse doing nothing. Nothing. We just let her slip away. I let another person slip away. Not again. Never again. I need to face this eventually! I can't hide forever. But first..._

"True. Us alchemists have made a lot of mistakes. But Scar, let me ask you about a mistake you made. Does an 'agent of God' like you take the lives of doctors who devote themselves to helping people?" He snarled, ignoring Al's quiet plea for him to stop, "do you remember a couple of Amestrian doctors named Rockbell? The kind husband and wife, who saved your life, whose lives you took afterwards?" He yelled furiously.

A startled gasp made him freeze. Slowly, he turned and realised why Al had warned him. Winry was staring at them, blue eyes wide with shock, and swimming with tears.

"What are you saying?" She asked, voice quiet and shaking. Ed's blood went cold. She sounded so sad and _vulnerable_. She was about to cry, and it was all his fault.

"Is that man," she swallow, trying to stop her tears, "the one who killed my parents? What... What did they ever do to you? They never did anything to anyone... Why?" She trailed off, her tears begining to fall down her face. Slowly, her hand reached for a gun, left discarded by one of the soldiers that had been knocked away by Scar.

Her voice rose to a scream. "Give them back! I just want my mum and dad back..."

Every word stabbed into Edward's heart. This was his fault. If he hadn't spoken, she wouldn't be hurting like this. She wouldn't be about to make a terrible mistake.

The gun was shaking as she aimed it at Scar.

"Don't, Winry!" Ed yelled desperately.

"You shouldn't even touch something like that!" Al gasped. Winry's entire body was shaking, and she was crying more now.

"You have every right to shoot me," Scar said gravely, "but the moment you pull the triger, I will consider you an enemy and treat you as one."

"Scar!" Al sounded furious, and Ed was just a second behind him.

"Lay a single finger on Winry and I swear I'll-" His yell was cut off by Scar.

"You'll what? Kill me?" The older man challenged.

"I'll make you wish you were never born." Ed finished, voice low and threatening. He was a monster. A homunculus. He figured it was about time he actually did something fitting for once. _No! Stop!_

Scar glared at him. "Just remember that it was the Amestrians who fired the first shot in that war."

Winry let out a small whimper, but her gun was still aimed at Scar. The man seemed to be losing his patience.

"If you're going to shoot, do it now," he snapped, "you're getting in the way!"

Ed didn't give himself time to think as Scar raised his hand. All that mattered was protecting Winry. From Scar. From herself. He didn't even register what he was doing as he raced towards Winry. Nothing else mattered. He didn't realised that he was screaming, begging her not to shoot as he ran. He didn't notice getting tiny scratches from the rubble he kicked up.

All that mattered was that he was in between Winry and Scar, and that he had firmly shoved her hand to the ground, making sure she couldn't use the gun. He found himself staring into Scar's eyes. He knew his gaze was defiant, furious, and just _daring_ the killer to go ahead and _try_.

The Ishvalan's eyes became distant, as if he was remembering something. Ed didn't get to think about it for long, as Al came charging forwards and kicked the man away. "Were you trying to get both of you killed?" The suit of armour scolded. "Just hurry up and get Winry to safety!" Al yelled, before chasing after Scar.

Ed turned to Winry, and looked down to see she was still clutching the gun so tightly her fingers were turning white.

"Winry, let go of the gun." He pleaded, gently holding her wrist, realising only then how much she was shaking.

"I couldn't do it..." She whispered, and Ed turned to stare at her. Never before had she sounded so... so _broken_.

"It was him," she continued quietly, and Ed could nearly feel his heart breaking from her tone. She couldn't be beaten by this. She couldn't allow this to consume her.

"Let it go," he closed his eyes, unwilling to see her cry, because her tears _hurt_ him, "please."

"But... But he killed my parents. He might kill you and Al... Why?" Winry cried.

"I won't die, and I promise that I won't let Al die either," Ed said softly, "but let me tell you something. Remember when you helped deliver that baby in Rush Valley? You saved the mother and her child. You gave me an arm and a leg so I could walk again. You gave me _hope_ , Winry." _You still trust me, even though I'm a monster. Even though I'm not human._ "You're hands weren't made for taking lives, Winry. They were made for saving them."

The gun fell from her hands.

"Please," he echoed, and she finally broke down into sobs and hugged him tightly. He hestitated for a second then hugged her back, keeping her close. She burried her face in his shoulder and cried. Ed wished there was something he could say, anything that would help her, but something told him to stay silent.

He didn't want to leave her, especially like this, but he had to help Al. He couldn't just leave his brother to handle Scar by himself, but if he put Winry in the care of any normal soldier, then that was just as good as handing her over to King Bradley, who was a homunculus and would probably end up taking her hostage.

Gritting his teeth, he stared around the crowd of soldiers, desprate for a familar face. He nearly collapsed with relief when he recognised Furey.

"Fuery!" He yelled until he eventually caught the man's attention. Roy's subordinate rushed towards them, looking concerned.

"Take Winry to a safe place," he ordered quietly, passing the gun to him, "make sure you aren't followed. By anyone."

Furey nodded, so Ed turned to Winry. "I'm sorry," he told her, wrapping his coat around her, "we'll talk when I get back, but I need to go and help Al."

Winry struggled against more tears as she walked away, staring after Ed's retreating form, wondering when she'd see the alchemist she'd grown to love again.

* * *

It turned out that Al had been distracting Scar pretty well. As Ed arrived, the Ishvalan had created a smoke screen and was lunging towards Al, so without thinking, Ed rushed in and kicked Scar away.

"Thanks, brother! How's Winry?" Al asked anxiously.

"Fuery's taking her somewhere safe... I made her cry again." Ed sighed guiltily.

"You're so careless, brother... Well, she did catch you mid-battle in a brutal moment." Al mumbled.

"I know... Let's get this under control." Ed muttered, gesturing to Scar.

There was a distant rumbling that gradually got louder, and Gluttony burst from the ground in a shower of rubble. "Here I am!" The sin announced brightly.

"A homunculus!" Al gasped, staring as Scar tried to kill it only for Gluttony to heal seconds later and grin creepily.

"Where's Ling?" Ed muttered. "He was supposed to be fighting them."

His question was answered mere moments later as Ling leaped up from the hole Gluttony had made and ran towards the homunculus, shoving a grenade down it's throat, then running away as Gluttony swallowed.

"Get me a metal cable, and one of you help me tie the thing up!" Ling snapped at them.

"Sure!" Ed yelled back, transmuting a thick metal cord from some train tracks and running over. Working with Ling, they managed to restrain the still regenerating homunculus, while Ed tried not to feel sick from the overwhelming stench of blood. No, what really rattled him to the core were the quiet, slurred words from Gluttony's half formed mouth.


	9. Chapter 9

Ed thought back to their conversation with Winry as he stared out of the window of Mustang's car. He had told her everything he knew about her parents, crouched in Fuery's house. He had still been shocked, from Gluttony's words, Hawkeye's sudden appearance. Still shocked from the speed with witch both Ling and Hawkeye left with the homunculus, and the identity of Scar's strange little ally with the black and white cat.

Then, he remembered how the words had caught in his throat as he promised that Winry that next time she'd cry tears of joy. How could he promise that? He was a monster. There was no such thing as a good homunculus. He'd make her cry again, if, no when she found out _what_ he was. Then the promise would lie broken at his feet, along with his heart.

Gluttony... The homunculus was right. His words kept swimming around Ed's brain. He stared out of the window, his own face reflected back at him, sometimes fading into the shadows, but bursting back to life every time they passed a light. Always reforming. Like he would. He couldn't die. He couldn't keep a single promise. He. Couldn't. Be. Human.

He sat in silence as Roy collected the doctor. Apparently Lan Fan had been injured, but he didn't know how. It wasn't fatal, but it needed treatment. He didn't hear what Roy said, and he didn't want to. He didn't think he could take hearing any more bad news. He didn't pay attention as Roy told them the doctor's name. He didn't see the concerned glance Al sent him either.

* * *

 _But you're one of us!_

* * *

Winry stared out the train window, thinking about Ed. She remembered how his eyes had always burned with fire. The determination as he decided he wanted automail. The stubborness as he limited himself to a year in order to learn how to use his automail.

He'd always been like that. Stubborn. Determined. Strong.

He always made a point to keep his promises, at least to her, Al and Pinako. They'd stay safe. They'd get back to normal. She'd see them again. He'd promised.

 _I won't die!_ When she thought about it, he'd sounded so bitter, and so sad. What was wrong with him?

* * *

"Lost an eye? How the hell did that happen?" The doctor exclaimed.

"It was an eye for an eye." Lan Fan hissed. She was in too much pain to explain it in too much detail, but she'd managed to get close enough to Bradley to injure him enough so she could escape, but it cost her an eye.

Ling had been sitting outside, seeming in deep thought. "You were right about the man with the eyepatch." He said quietly.

"Sorry to drag you into this." Ed replied flatly. He felt like he'd gone numb inside after Gluttony's words. _One of us. Monster._

"It's not your fault." Ling sighed. Ed nodded silently, before retreating into a dark corner to think. He wanted to be alone. He didn't think he could face anyone at the moment.

Al was helping with Lan Fan, Hawkeye was keeping watch, and Roy was talking to Ling. He distantly heard Roy explaining what a monster a homunculus was. He felt sick. As the conversation slowly turned to what to do with the homunculus, Ed approached, trying to seem normal, but it just seemed so much harder now.

"First I'll see if I can get some information out of it, then if it can be removed, we can take it's stone." Roy was saying, causing Ed to hold a hand protectively in front of his chest, where he was fairly sure his Philosopher's Stone was. It wasn't that he wanted it there, but having it ripped out sounded painful...

"Hey, I need to take Gluttony back to Xing immediately! This is the only lead to immortality we have, and Lan Fan lost an eye for it!" Ling protested.

Ed half wanted to stay silent, but he knew he had to argue for Al's sake. He didn't even know if he could remove his own stone, let alone perform alchemy on it. "Hey, Al needs it to get his original body back!" He muttered.

Roy turned and raised an eyebrow, probably questioning the fact that Ed hadn't included himself in his argument, but Ed couldn't care less. He was more concerned about the look that Ling was giving him, a frosty glare that plainly said: _you already have a stone._

Ed glared right back at Ling, annoyed now. Yes, he was a monster. But he still wanted the best for his brother, and in no way was he about to let Ling take the only thing he could fix things with.

Ling opened his mouth to argue, and judging from the deadly look in his eyes, reveal everything, but he was interrupted by a low, menacing snarl.

"Roy Mustang... You killed Lust... ROY MUSTANG!" Gluttony let out a roar, and then something horrible happened. A gaping hole opened up in his stomach and an eye stared at them. Ed shivered. He hoped he never became like that. _What if it's too late?_

In mere seconds, half the house was gone, swallowed into Gluttony's stomach.

"The fuck?" Ed exclaimed, voice muffled from where he had been shoved. "Did it just swallow half the bloody house?"

"It appears so, yes." Roy muttered sourly.

"Brother! Don't swear!" Al scolded. Ed didn't know it, but his brother was glad that he was acting normal again.

"YOU KILLED LUST!" Gluttony bellowed. Ed groaned as he wormed his way out of the rubble from where he had been sheltered behing Al.

"Hawkeye, don't provoke it! It wants me." Mustang warned. "And it's too dangerous to be allowed to live." He finished dramatically, aiming his gloves at Gluttony. With a click of his fingers, Gluttony was lost in a torrent of flames... for approximately two seconds, before Roy's only and ultimate attack was swallowed.

"He... swallowed the flames?" Al asked. The three slowly exchanged glances, before turning and running away from the homunculus as fast as they possibly could.

"You're useless!" Ed taunted, not even out of breath thanks to his abilities. At least the stone was good for something... _No, it's not! It's made out of human souls! There's nothing good!_

 _Except how it could save Al... and- stop!_

"I don't see you trying anything." Roy snapped back.

"Uh, Colonel, could you maybe not follow us? I don't mean to be rude, but it's you that it wants." Al yelled, sounding very guilty. Never had Ed felt prouder of his little brother.

"Split up!" Roy yelped as they entered the trees.

Ed rolled his eyes, but did as he was told... For a little while, before he remembered that Roy was in fact injured and probably going to end up doing something stupid that would probably get him killed.

He turned up just as Hawkeye breifly distracted Gluttony, and followed the trail of snapped twigs and trampled bushes. Roy had collapsed to his knees and was clutching his wounds.

"Like an idiot." Ed sighed, stepping into the clearing.

"S-shut up." Roy hissed.

"Whatever, give me your coat." Ed rolled his eyes.

"What, why?" Roy questioned suspiciously.

"I'm making a decoy and I don't have the materials to make a coat, Colonel idiot." Ed snapped. (He doubted he'd ever let the Colonel forget that he'd transmuted the decoy's hair out of leaves.)

* * *

While Gluttony was busy with the decoy, they managed to round everyone up in the car.

"Oh dear." Ed gasped in a completely false way, "there's not enough room for more than one person in the car, whoops, looked like the Colonel slipped." He kicked the Colonel into the car, earning a protest from the man.

"Hey! I can't just leave you here!"

"You'll just be in the way!" Ed snapped.

"Yeah, leave!" Al ordered.

"Well, his head is so big, it needs more room." Lan Fan muttered, sliding out of her seat and slamming the door firmly behind her.

"What do you think you're doing? Especially in your condition!" The Doctor exclaimed.

"Nothing will stop me assisting the Prince while he fights the monsters." Lan Fan said, one eye glaring at them, daring them to challenge her. "Besides, you're wasting valuable time that you could be using to escape. I will be able to assist them in combat."

"We do need to leave soon." The doctor sighed.

"I can't just leave you kids to fight alone." Roy argued.

"Haven't we already established the fact that you're useless here?" Ling asked dryly.

"Besides," Ed added, supressing laughter at Mustang's face, "there are things that only a Colonel can do. Like deal with the fact that the head of this country is a homunculus."

"He's a WHAT?!" Everyone yelled, well, except Alphonse, Ling and Lan Fan.

"You need to leave." Ling reminded them urgently.

"Take this." Hawkeye told Ed, offering him a gun.

"It's a tool used for killing people." Al whispered in horror in the background.

 _I won't let Al die!_ "It's also a tool used for saving people." Ed said, accepting the gun. It was cold and heavy in his hand.

As the car sped off, he heard Roy's remark of; "homunculi pretending to live among us as human... How creepy."

Creepy. Was that really how it seemed? For him, it was hope. A lie. A fantasy that he could still be normal, a fantasy that he could be accepted. Was it really 'creepy'? Was it even worth it? With all the 'if's and the 'maybe's, was it even worth trying when he spent every moment guessing, scared.

Was it even worth it when he could only delay what was coming, but couldn't run away from it?


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N Hi! I realised that I haven't done an A/N for this story yet, so oops and sorry about that! This story now has a cover, drawn by Silver! Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favourited and followed so far, and I hope you enjoy the chapter!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own/have never owned Fullmetal Alchemist.**

"I'm suprised _you_ stayed to help." Ling hissed.

"Shove it up your arse." Ed snapped, not in the mood to deal with the Xingese prince.

 _One of us. Creepy._ All anyone saw in a homunculus was a monster. It was all anyone would see in him. If they knew, he would become a monster in their eyes, anyone he used to be in their eyes dying and being replaced by something else. Isn't that how he saw himself? As the monster who he was becoming?

Why bother? No amount of acting would ever change how they saw him after they knew. All they would see was the word homunculus. No! It wasn't true! He would just have to prove them wrong, he could still save himself. Even as he thought it, he knew it was a weak argument.

"How the hell are we going to fight it?" Ling mumbled from where they were hiding. Just then, their hiding place was swallowed by Gluttony, and the three barely got away in time.

"Where the hell is that stuff even going?" Ed yelled.

"How should I know, you're on-"

"Stop it Gluttony!" A familiar voice barked. Envy, not even bothering to hide his form stormed into the clearing. Ed thought that in another time, in another world, that the look of shock on Envy's face would be funny. But as the homunculus stared at him, Ed felt like his blood had turned to ice.

"But... But I killed you!" Envy choked. "How the hell are you here! You were dying! I shot you!" His voice rose with every word, leaving the group silent. Then slowly, Envy's shoulders shook with silent laughter, and gradually his voice joined in, letting out mad cackles.

"Oh man, I get it now. This... This is gold... I can't believe the old man actually did it!"

Quietly, Ling spoke. "I'm sorry. I believe you now Ed." _What? He what? No..._ Suprisingly, Ed found himself filled with rage. _Now? What about when I needed someone, anyone to believe me, believe_ in _me?_

 _But maybe he knows now, maybe he can help me_ now?

"It really was you." _Was. That... hurts._

"Brother... I-I don't get it What's he talking about?" Al asked timidly.

"Envy turned up and caused some trouble. Thankfully the bastard knew medical alchemy and saved my life." Ed invented quickly.

"S-saved your life... HAH!" Envy was still besides himself with laughter.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Al sounded so betrayed. The lies were hurting him. The lies were hurting everyone. Why couldn't he stop hurting people?

"I didn't..." Ed trailed off staring at his hands. _I didn't want you to hate me. I didn't want to hurt you... And look how it turned out._

"Can I eat them?" Gluttony whined, just to top off all the insanity.

"The two Xingese, yeah. The armour and shrimp are off limits." Envy smirked.

* * *

Ed ended up helping Ling deal with Envy, while Lan Fan and Alphonse had the pleasure of fighting Gluttony. Ling couldn't stop feeling guilty. All along, it had been Ed. All along, his friend had been suffering.

He'd done nothing to help and only made things worse. He had threatened him, and only now could he even begin to understand what had happened...

For all he knew, he had pushed Ed further away from humanity.

"And here I was, ready to call you a wannabe," Envy smirked, "but you're adapting pretty well. I'm actually impressed!"

"Shut up!" Ed snarled, swinging his automail blade at the homunculus. Anger had made his movements sloppy and the smirking homunculus easily stepped away.

"Automail, huh? Why keep it?" Envy questioned, smile never leaving his face. "It's pathetic."

"I made a promise!" Ed snarled. "I'm not getting anything back until Alphonse can get his body back!" And with that, he tried to punch Envy again, this time succeeding in smacking the older homunculus in the face.

Automail... A promise... The signs had been there all along... Ling had missed every single one of them. If only he had seen. Maybe he could've helped. Done anything to prevent the darkness that now lurked in the alchemist's golden eyes.

He'd just have to make it up to Ed.

Ling darted forward, blade whistling past Ed before stabbing Envy between the eyes. The homunculus staggered backwards, fingers slipping as he tried to pull the blade out.

"Sorry." Ling told Ed, trying to somehow tell Ed everything. All his regrets, with that one word.

Ed nodded, but his eyes were dull. It was like he had already given up.

Envy finally managed to get rid of the sword. Blood dripped from his forehead and off his chin. "You know, runt. You really are just like us. You just haven't stopped running, turned around and face it yet!" Envy sneered.

"Don't listen to him Ed! You're not a monster." Ling yelled desperately, swinging his sword at Envy again.

Ed smiled weakly. "Not yet." He told them both, and ran into the fight, aiming for Envy's stomach, helping Ling.

At least he had a chance to fix things. And he sure as hell wasn't going to waste it.

They ended up fighting Envy for a full more five minutes before the wall that separated them suddenly collapsed and Al and Lan Fan stumbled into them.

"Stay still!" Gluttony roared, storming after the two.

"What happened?" Ling asked, staring at them.

"What the hell? Get on with it and eat them Gluttony!" Envy yelled.

"Watch out!" Ed warned, rushing towards the two Xingese Gluttony was aiming to swallow.

"Hell no! No way am I getting in trouble for letting another sacrifice die!" Envy growled, and also raced forwards, trying to pull Ed backwards, as Gluttony suddenly opened his mouth and swallowed them all.

* * *

Darkness was the first thing that Ed noticed. Wherever he was, it was nearly pitch black, and he wasn't sure he had actually opened his eyes. Then he became aware of the fact that he was in some kind of body of water, but he couldn't tell what it was. Groaning, he slowly tried moving each of his limbs. He hoped his automail wasn't broken... Winry would kill him. His automail... He sat bolt upright, checking to see that he did, indeed have metal limbs instead of flesh.

Good, he was still safe. For now. _Al... I promise that I won't break our promise. Even if I'm a monster. Even if you hate me. I'll get you back to normal._

Ed began to stand. _You gave me an arm and a leg. Now I'll use them to stand up._

 _Stop running._

 _Not yet._

 _I can last a little longer._

Ed looked around, seeing only piles of rubble and skulls, all half submerged in the liquid. Looking closer, he realised that it was awfully dark for water. Too dark, in fact. Just then, he became aware of a smell that he had missed before because of his panic over his automail.

"Iron... Wait, this is blood?" He choked, staring at the blood that was dripping off his hand. He thought back to everything that happened. Last thing he remembered, Gluttony was about to swallow them...

"No way! I'm in Gluttony's stomach!" He realised.

 _One of us._

 _Why?_


	11. Chapter 11

Ed's mood only got worse as he trudged through the sea of blood. It was dark, tiring and he'd never felt more alone. With no one to talk to, his thoughts kept running in circles.

 _One of us._

 _Monster._

 _Stop running._

 _It really was you._

 _Was._

 _I'm changing._

 _I need to keep my promise to Al. But..._

 _I don't think I can._

* * *

Eventually, Ed couldn't stand thinking anymore, and started to call out. "Anyone? Al? Lan Fan? Idiot prince?"

"Don't insult the young lord!" A figure hissed, rushing towards him. Ed nearly didn't dodge Lan Fan's fist in time. It was hard to see, so he was suprised she even came close to hitting him. He had to tell who she was by the sound of her voice and what little he could see of her face.

"Calm down!" He yelped. She looked pissed. "I'm sorry, jeez."

Sadly, she just pulled out a blade and aimed it at him. "How do I know that you're not the other homunculus; Envy?"

 _One of us_. "This again? Haven't you though I was someone else enough times already?"

Lan Fan sighed. "Would you rather be mistaken for a dawf?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THEY COULD BE AN ENTIRELY NEW SPECIES?!" Ed roared. Really? These people were mean. First thinking he was a monster, then calling him short.

"Well, it really is you." She said with a small smile.

"Trust you to come up with a test that dumb. The only person who could do worse is Ling, 'cause he's even dumber than you." Ed scowled.

"Don't insult the young lord!" Lan Fan hissed, pulling out her blade.

"And I guess that means you're not Envy either." Ed smirked.

"I... whatever." Lan Fan muttered.

The two walked in silence for a while, until Lan Fan finally spoke. "Is it me, or is it getting lighter over there?" Ed squinted at the seemingly unchanging shadow, and to his suprise, it really was starting to get lighter.

"Is that someone carrying a torch?" Ed wondered. The two picked up their pace and tried to reach the person. As they got nearer, it became apparant that the person carrying the torch was Ling.

The poor guy looked miserable. His clothes were partly torn, there was blood on his face and he was limping slightly. If Ed had to guess, he'd say that not all of the landings had been as easy as his.

Lan Fan looked ready to rush over to him, but Ed held out a hand to stop her. "We don't know if he's Envy."

Lan Fan stared at him with something like pity in her eyes, then sighed. "I can sense his aura. It's human."

 _Oh. And she couldn't do that with me because I probably have the same 'aura' as Envy. Because I'm a monster. Because I'm one of them._

Before he could stop her, Lan Fan rushed forwards, crying out "Prince!"

Ling looked up in suprise as she ran towards him. "Oh! There you are Lan Fan. Are you okay?"

As she drew closer to the light, Ed could see how bad her wound was. Bandages were wrapped around her head, leaving her good eye free, but her bad eye was completely covered. There was a lot of blood on the once clean bandages, and Ed didn't think all of it was from Gluttony's stomach.

Without giving himself any time to think about it, Ed moved to join them, but before he could so much as take a step, a hand covered his mouth and he was dragged away. It couldn't be either Ling or Lan Fan, as they were both still talking, meaning that the person who was slowly pulling him away was...

"Envy!" Ed gasped as soon as the hand covering his mouth was removed. The light from Ling's torch was a spec in the distance. They were sitting on what seemed to be a rough circle of stone. Nearby, some wood was burning, which Ed realised was the Colonel's failed attack from earlier.

"Relax. I just want to talk. We're all going to die in here eventually, and it'd be a waste of effort killing you. Besides, if you don't co-operate, I'll kill you before your friends can reach you, and that'll be a soul gone, and your fault." The older homunculis hissed.

"What the hell could you possibly want to talk about?" Ed snarled.

Now they had light, (wow, Roy could be useful after all) Ed could see Envy shrugging. "I'll admit it. I'm slightly curious. So your one of us now. What sin do you represent? What powers do you have?"

Ed paused. _Stop running._ "I don't know. I never really thought about it."

Envy stared at him thoughtfully. "Well, you were made by Hohenheim, right? All homunculi represent a sin, and have a special power. You must have one."

Ed got the feeling this wasn't going to end well. "How would I know? It's not like the bastard told me anything about this. And I don't have any special abilities."

Envy laughed madly. "This is actually sad."

Ed glared. "Well, the bastard made me with the idea of saving my life. Who knows what he did?" He hated how natural it felt to say he was made, not born. _Humans are born. Monsters are made._

Envy was suddenly grinning. Ed did not like that expression at all. It was far too happy for it to be anything other than sinister. "Oh, I think I know. You haven't accepted what you are yet. You don't realise that the stone inside you makes you a monster. You still think you can pretend to be normal."

Ed shuddered. Every single word was true and it was like he could feel the cracks spreading across his soul, his hope, but Envy had more to say.

"You think that you can cling onto humanity by acting like one of them. Stop kidding yourself. All they will ever see is a monster. You remember those two Xingese? The second they found out they treated you with suspicion and threatened you. They know you're a monster. Deep down, you know it too. You're just like me."

"S-shut up!" Ed yelled, but Envy's words had done their job, fuelling the horrible tangle of emotions that had been running around in his mind. _Monster! You can't go back! You can't be normal! He's right... I am just like him..._

"Okay, would you like a demonstration instead?" Envy sneered, an all of a sudden the sin's arm was a blade, lunging towards him. Ed barely had time to turn before there was a sudden searing pain in his shoulder.

Ed could only stare as his flesh arm went flying away, before crumbling to nothing. There was a painful _throb_ in his chest, and suddenly red sparks were jumping around his shoulder. Suddenly, a grotesque shape formed, and quickly, far too quickly, it formed into an arm.

"See? That was someone's soul doing that, you really are ju-" Envy's laughter was cut off as he was sliced in half.

"Get away from him!" Lan Fan hissed, as Ling raced towards Ed. They must've heard his yells, became aware of his position and came to help.

"It's not true, Ed, you're not a monster!" Ling yelled, pausing as he followed Ed's gaze.

The alchemist was staring at his hand. The hand that had formed mere seconds ago. The hand that had used the energy of someone's soul.

There was no more running. No more pretending. The arm, _his_ arm seemed to make everything more real. Souls were being used, by him. Someone's life. He had no right to take it. What did that make him?

"No, it's true," he whispered, "I am a monster."

Ling shook his head. "You're not! Ed, remember your promise to Al? You're trying to keep it. That makes you human!"

 _Al... That's right. I have to remain human for him. Can I? Am I already a monster?_

 _Someone help me... I can't do this anymore!_


	12. Chapter 12

Ling could only stare as Ed's eyes glazed over as he continued looking at his arm. In the background, Lan Fan was fighting Envy, and it was hard to tell who was winning and who was losing.

Ling had intended on asking 'are you alright' but now it seemed like a stupid question. All the signs that he had missed when he thought Ed was an imposter were clear now. He was pale, shaking, and there was _something_ in his eyes. He couldn't tell what it was, exactly but it was something dark, something guilty.

"Ed, you're not a monster." Ling repeated. "The homunculus was lying, you can be human."

Ed's eyes snapped back into focus, and he looked away from his arm. "No, he was telling the truth. I am a monster, but... but I don't want to stop being human. I need to keep my promise."

Ling opened his mouth to say more, offer some encouragement, say anything, but at that moment, Lan Fan was sent stumbling back, and crashed into him.

"You know what? We're all going to die down here, so-" Envy sneered, but was interrupted by Ling.

"Where is 'down here' anyway?" Ling demanded, helping Lan Fan up.

"What do you remember just before waking up here?" Envy stopped to drink in the horror on their faces. "That's right, we're in Gluttony's stomach. Well, you were an alchemist, right? You must know what this place is meant to be." Envy smirked, pointing at Ed.

"Am an alchemist, I can still use alchemy." Ed corrected coldly. Envy's eyes widened slightly, making Ling guess that homunculi weren't normally supposed to do, or be able to perform alchemy.

Ed let out a strangled gasp. "This is... This is like the portal of Truth! But it can't be, that place was pure white and almost empty."

"Oh, so that's what the real place looks like. Gluttony was a failed portal of Truth, created by Father." Envy sighed.

"You people are insane!" Lan Fan yelled.

"That's what they all say." Envy rolled his eyes.

"What, all people who are capable of thinking?" Lan Fan muttered, and sadly, Envy heard her, and it started an entirely new argument.

* * *

Ed had walked a little way away from the argument, not really in the mood to listen to people screaming at each other. Besides, he had seen some more ruins a little further out, and wanted to take a look at them.

What he saw made his heart race. _Isn't that part of the ruins in the desert? The missing part... Why is it here, in Gluttony's stomach? What does this mean?_

Ed ran back, to where the others were, theories running through his mind. When he was like this, mind focused only on alchemy, it was so easy to forget. So easy to be _normal_.

What he saw when he made his way back was a massive green mons- beast snarling as Lan Fan and Ling slashed at it, Lan Fan with knives and Ling with a sword.

"Oh hey," it was Envy's voice that came from the green thing, "you're back! Want to join in, we can make the teams humans against homunculi."

"Couldn't you last five minutes?" Ed snapped. "Enough! I think I found a way out of here."

Everyone paused and looked at him. "But it's going to require everyone's co-operation."

 _Stop running._

 _Fine._

* * *

"Envy, before we try this, I need to ask you something. What you did to Cselkcess, **(A/N sorry, going with the spelling in the manga here)** you're going to try to do it again in Amestris, aren't you."

"Well," Envy shrugged, which did not flatter his new form. At all, "you've done you're research. Hmm, well, can you tell me where will be next."

Ed closed his eyes. "The North." He breathed out.

"Well done." Envy smirked, then turned back to the transmutation circle.

"How is this going to work?" Lan Fan asked, her one eye showing her concern.

"I'm going to open the portal of Truth. If this place is a fake version of that place, then going to the real place might just send us back to the right dimension." Ed explained quickly.

"How are you going to open the portal?" Lan Fan asked uneasily.

"By performing human tansmutation on myself!" Ed said with a lot more confidence than he felt . "Hopefully then the toll will go to my Stone."

 _And I can be normal again._

 _And greet my brother with a smile..._

 _that isn't fake._

"Oh hell no," Envy roared, "you're using my stone!"

Everyone turned to stare as the homunculus shuddered. Something like fear flashed through Envy's eyes.

"I am not getting punished again because you fucked up and got yourself killed!" The homunculus defended hurridly.

Ed opened his mouth to argue, but Envy had already flung the infamous red stone at him. "If you don't use it, I'll rip off your automail." As if to make his point clearer, the beast raised a claw threateningly.

"Fine." Ed rolled his didn't want to do this. Couldn't he just lose his stone and be done with it? "Jump in the portal as soon as it opens."

"Good." Envy nodded in satisfaction. Ed took one last glance at Lan Fan and Ling, who both smiled. _Are they real smiles?_

 _Maybe._

Ed clapped his hands and placed them on the circle. There was a familar surge of energy and the circle flared to life.

The shadowy hands that clawed their way through his nightmares rose, and that haunting eye opened. "Go! Now!" He yelled, watching as one by one, the others leapt into the portal, and all of a sudden, the hands were right _there_! Lunging at him, pulling him, too close. He couldn't breathe, he was beginging to panic. They were ripping his clothes in their haste to drag him. He let out a final panicked cry before he left Gluttony's stomach forever.

* * *

The white space. It was so cold, so lonely. So perfect. _Too_ perfect. In Truth's plane of existance, things could almost be peaceful. If it weren't for the horrible, familar sinking feeling in his stomach, Ed would relax.

"Why, hello, Mr Alchemist." A familar voice laughed, and Ed shuddered. He turned slowly, and glared at the being who was grinning at him, wearing his arm and leg.

"My, my , you've certainly changed." It mocked, waving it's - _his_ \- arm around. "And I'm taking it you're not here for that body?" It questioned.

"Huh, what body?" Ed turned slowly, not daring to breathe as he met the gaze of his brother. "Al!" He gasped, moving to walk towards it, reaching out a hand, but a chilling giggle stopped him.

"No, no! Bad, Mr. Alchemist. What do you have to offer in exchange?" It's smile was teasing, but Ed could _feel_ the malice underneath.

"My stone." Ed said desperately, torn between staring at Al's body, taking every tiny detail, because it was his _brother_. In the flesh. He was painfully thin, but it looked like he was begining to recover. Maybe the stone had helped with that, maybe his brother wasn't suffering because of his mistakes. Maybe he could still fix it.

On the other hand, he was glaring at Truth. The figure that had haunted him for so, _so_ long. Always there, always grinning. Never suprised, never shocked, always smiling.

It was like watching Ed's life fall apart amused him.

"Well, Mr Alchemist, I would, but I'm afraid that stone is your core now... And you _want_ to get rid of it, because it makes you a monster. If you can remove it and give it to me, then I'll take it... Well, it appears that it's time up. Goodbye, Mr. Alchemist."

And even as Ed fought the shadowy arms, even as he cried out to Al, even as the gate slammed and Ed vanished, back to a world that he thought would hate him, Truth never once stopped smiling.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N Hi! This A/N is mostly a warning or a heads up, as this chapter is slightly darker than the rest, but it'll also be the last one where poor Ed has angst unloaded on him for a while... As usual, I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, and I hope you all enjoy the chapter! :)**

Ed was still thinking of swear words he could throw at the Truth when he was flung out of Gluttony's stomach.

He had just enough time to see some pipes running around a gloomy underground chamber, before he fell onto Envy's hidious form and slid to the ground, bumping into every crying, laughing or the more terrifyingly hopeless faces on his way down. Those faces, it was like they were _numb; g_ iving up on life, giving up on everything as they just _stared_ with eyes like pits, bottomless and filled with nothing. So dark. So lonely.

He let himself go limp the second he hit the floor, just sagging in relief. They were out. They were back in their own world. He didn't kid himself into saying _safe_. He couldn't be safe, he couldn't ever go back. Wasn't that why he burned his house down? Wasn't that why he was begining to stop running, to turn round and look at _that_ in the eye.

Just then, he felt a strong metal hand grip his legs, and pull him out. Al's red soulfire eyes blazed with worry as he set Ed on the ground properly.

Ed took a second to think of what he must look like to Al. His normally golden hair was streaked with blood, the russet stains unnaturally bold, and his hair was coming out of its braid slightly, looking tangled and giving him a somewhat more wild appearance. He knew without looking that he was pale and clammy, like he was back _then_ when he had first seen the gate. Back _then_ he was still human. Now he was different. He had seen so much more, he had _lived_ so much more. Why was he scared now?

Was it because he had seen Alphonse's body? Was it because it had been like having his mistakes stabbed through his heart? Was it because he had been denied the one thing he could do to _fix_ it. Fix everything.

Was it because, deep, deep down he knew he was a monster?

He wondered again, if Al could tell his arm was different. It felt the same, it looked the same, but it was just so _different._ It was his, but it wasn't. Someone's soul went into making that arm. He hated it.

 _I'm sorry. I didn't want this. I didn't want to kill anyone. I didn't want to regenerate._

 _I didn't want to become a monster!_

* * *

It was only when Al set him down that Ed realised that his clothes were ruined. The damage down in Gluttony's stomach had left his - _that_ \- arm completely bare and his shirt had been torn apart by those hands.

Revealing his ouroboros.

"B-brother, what's that on your chest?" Al asked, pointing straight at Ed's heart. Ed's blood turned to ice, and he clapped his hand, the hand he shouldn't have - _but did-_ over it.

"Nothing! Al." Ed said quickly. Too quickly. How much had he seen?

"Brother, it looked like blood! Are you hurt?" Al asked worridly. Ed had to choke back a bitter laugh, becaues it wasn't blood. It was so, so much worse.

It marked him as a monster.

"No, don't worry, I'm not hurt Al." He gave his brother a weak grin. _I can't hurt. I'm a monster._

"Why was there blood on your chest then? Brother, if you're hurt, you need to tell me!" Al cried.

"I'm not hurt... It's dried blood." _Another lie. How many lies do I have to tell?_

"Then why are you covering it?" Al asked, clearly thinking that Ed was lying to him.

"It... uh... dried in a very unfortunate shape?" Ed knew it sounded like a weak excuse and he was just waiting for Al to ask him what it really was, when a cold, dark voice, filled with authority spoke loudly, causing them all to turn and stare.

"Envy, care to explain what's going on?" Someone, definitely male said. Ed thought the voice sounded familar but he couldn't quite place it.

"That thing is Envy?" Al asked quietly, and Ed could only nod. _One of us. Was you. Changes. I'm sorry, Al._

"Just come and look at the people who came out of his stomach. More specifically, the little one." Envy sneered, gesturing towards Ed and Al with a claw.

Ed could only stare as Hohenheim stepped out of the shadows. Wait, this couldn't be Hohenheim... Envy had mocked the bastard at the graveyard, but was answering to this look alike. With all his flaws, Hohenheim had never once had _that_ look in his eyes.

"Oh? Automail... Blonde..." The man's face lit up. "Edward Elric. So you're not dead after all. I wonder how you're alive."

The man took a step closer, and almost unconciously, Ed tightened his grip on his chest. Suddenly, the man smiled, something dark, something sinister.

"I see... So _that's_ what Hohenheim did. To his son, no less. Prehaps he's stronger than I gave him credit for. Even so, you can still be used as a sacrifice... Interesting, I wonder how he made you." The man mumbled, staring him up and down.

"M-made? Brother, what is he talking about?" Al sounded frightened, but that wasn't what made it feel like Ed's soul was being ripped in half. His brother, who he had tried so hard to protect, _lied_ to, just so everything could seem normal, sounded betrayed.

Before Ed could find the strength he needed to respond, to stop staring at those cold, heartless eyes, to turn and face his brother, Envy acted.

"Hah! You didn't tell your own brother? Oh, I get it, you didn't want him to know what a monster you are! I already told you, stop running!" Envy laughed, shrinking and racing at him, arm a blade like it had been back in Gluttony's stomach.

"Ed, look out!" Ling cried, but he was too far away, and Ed was too panicked, too scared to move.

"Run!" Lan Fan yelled, but Ed's legs wouldn't move. Instead, he could only watch, oddly detatched as Envy got closer and closer.

The burning sensation in his shoulder was familar as Envy cut through it again, and his arm fell away in a shower of crimson that was almost exactly the same.

"Stop hiding!" Envy snarled, aiming his arm at Ed's stomach, and Ed could barely stagger away. He didn't get away in time, and he was hit again. And again.

* * *

"Envy." It was a warning that finally stopped the older homunculus. It was that person who looked like Hohenheim glared at Envy, and Ed dimly thought he could understand why Envy had shuddered in Gluttony's stomach, why he was scared of punishment.

That man... His whole existance just felt like this horrible blend of wrong and right. He half wondered what he was going to do to Envy, but he couldn't feel any pity for the sin. Not now.

Ed had long since been driven onto the ground, as Envy had stabbed again and again. Looking up, he could see that Al's armour had splatters of blood, _his_ blood on it, looking like tar in the poor light.

Ed weakly reached out his arm, just wanting to reassure his brother that... that _what?_ That he was okay? That he wasn't a monster? He was a monster, but for some reason, hearing it from Al... They had always been together... That wouldn't change, right? They'd get their bodies back _together_.

But the armour, rattling in fear or horror only clambered away, one shaky step at a time.

"Al... brother... please..." Ed breathed, horror tightening his throat. _Please... Don't walk away now... Please, don't think I'm a monster. That I'm one of them. Please... I can still be human! I can still try!_

 _Please..._

 _Just give me a chance!_

"N-no," Al's voice was shrill, ringing with shock and fear, "y-you're not my brother! S-stay away!"

All Ed could do was scream as he broke.


	14. Chapter 14

Ling couldn't bear to watch it anymore. Ed hadn't got out of the way and now... Now Envy was laughing as Ed fell apart. Al was shaking, Ed looked like he was crying but Ling couldn't hear anything.

Apparently, Lan Fan was feeling something similar, because a second later, a blur of silver flashed past his face, and Envy's laughter stopped.

That one moment of stunned silence was enough to jolt Ling out of his shock. He drew his sword and charged forwards, distantly aware that Lan Fan was shadowing him. He hit Envy hard and fast, while Lan Fan leapt at the blonde man. Never had he been more grateful for his bodyguard, his best friend.

Ling kept on swinging his sword, mostly aiming to keep Envy distracted, so Ed and Al could pull themselves together. As soon as Envy had recovered from the suprise of his attack, things got so much harder for Ling.

As much as he hated to admit it, Envy was good at fighting and slippery enough that Ling, who had fought off assassination attempts for nearly all his life, had trouble keeping up. Envy's fist narrowly missed his face, and his other arm flashed out and grabbed Ling's sword, and inch away from his chest.

Envy smirked as blood dripped from his hand, running along the blade and splashing to the floor. "Nice try."

Ling tried to move his sword, but Envy's grip was strong. Ling watched in horrified fascination as Envy's hand grew bigger, the flesh slowly turning green...

Ling nearly didn't jump away as the sword exploded into thousands of deadly shards of metal. Envy's horrible true form towered over him.

"What now, you're defenceless, and I could kill you at any minute." Envy snickered, sounding sickeningly smug.

"Wait, Envy. Leave him alive. I have an idea, but feel free to kill the girl. Leave her alive to watch. Gluttony, come and help." The man ordered, and Ling felt dread creep through his veins. He opened his mouth to argue, say anything, but something heavy slammed into him from behind, forcing him to the floor.

What... was that? Gluttony? How did he move so fast? Wait... Ling desperately thought back to when he had last seen the homunculus since he got out its stomach... He couldn't remember seeing him at all! Had it been lurking in the shadows all this time? Just waiting?

He heard Lan Fan cry out, and looked around wildly, trying to see her, only for his heart to finally stop when he met her eye. She was pinned down under one of Envy's massive claws. She was shaking her head, struggling with all her might, but she couldn't get free.

Ling wondered what Envy would look like without an arm.

Gluttony wouldn't budge, no matter how much Ling fought against him, he couldn't break free. All he could do was watch as the man with eyes like molten gold stepped forwad, something red in his hand.

Red. It was neither liquid nor solid. It was glowing slightly, and never before had Ling seen such a vibrant red.

Realisation hit him all of a sudden, and he struggled to breathe as he realised exactly _what_ that was. A Philosopher's Stone.

Something that gave immortality. It was what he wanted... What he _needed_. It would solve everything...

But look what happened to Ed. Ed, who had everyone see him as a monster, Ed who saw himself as a monster .

He didn't want that. Lan Fan lost an eye... But he wouldn't get immortality. Not like this. There had to be another way.

But he couldn't see another way out and every step that man took made his heart beat faster. Lan Fan's eye was brimming with tears and she was screaming his name.

He was close... Too close. This was it. Ling was going to be turned into one of _them_. There wasn't a way out. He was going to-

A sharp, loud sound rang out. Ling recognised it as a gunshot, but for one horrible second thought he imagined it, as nobody with him had a gun.

Wait... Hawkeye had given Ed a gun, before they left to fight Gluttony, but Ed had never mentioned it, and Ling had just guessed it was lost in Gluttony's stomach. Now, he was proven wrong as Ed carefully adjusted his aim, as Ling realised that his first shot missed by miles, and through what he suspected was pure chance, managed to shoot Envy in the eye.

* * *

That breif moment of distraction was all Lan Fan needed, and she tore free of Envy's weakened grip, and was running towards him, shoving the blonde man aside. He had clearly been expecting a more violent attack, maybe something with weapons, as he stumbled slightly, and the stone slipped through his fingers and fell in front of Ling's nose.

Lan Fan threw herself at Gluttony, landing a powerful kick in the homunculus' face. His grip loosened and that was all Ling needed in order to squirm his way out. After hesitating for less than a second, he snatched up the stone, and, seeing nothing else to do with it, slipped it in his pocket.

Lan Fan was busy dealing with Gluttony, and Ed had run up to Envy, and was fighting the homunculus again, and seemed to be asking about something, and whatever it was, it was amusing the sin greatly.

Ling's concern was only growing. Ed had been _broken._ There was no way he could just get up from that. Something had changed. He couldn't tell what, but if he had to guess, he'd say his friend was a very, very, long way away from 'okay'.

Then, Ling noticed the two new people enter the room, and the blonde man was also looking at them, seeming more curious than annoyed that more people had found his base.

"Hah! Ishval was so much fun, best thing I've ever done. Pretending to be that soldier was one of the best things I've ever done!" Envy's laugh was so loud that it drowned out all the other noise.

"What. Did. He. Just. Say?" The man with the scar snarled, and the little girl, who looked very out of place next to him flinched from the sheer anger boiling in his tone.

"Oh shit." Envy realised what he had just said a little too late.

"I think you heard that right, didn't you, Scar?" Ed asked, and Ling's eyes narrowed at his tone. It was too cold, too harsh to be Ed. Then again, people changed all the time, and often from life changing events. Ed had probably just gone through so many of those changes that it was practically expected that he'd change. For God's sake, it was like he'd just _broken_.

Who was Edward Elric now?

Ling knew that he owed it to the alchemist to find out.

* * *

A throwing knife flashed by, seemingly out of nowhere, and if Ling hadn't flinched away, he would've been seriously injured. That knife... it sure as hell wasn't one of Lan Fan's, but it had definitely come from Xing.

He looked back at the girl, and he recognised her, suddenly, as one of his rivals. The princess of the Chang clan. Did she know that she was already losing, that the key to immortality, however sinister, was sitting in his pocket?

Then, Gluttony seemed to perk up, yelling something about her being tasty and ran towards the girl, who barely had time to jump out the way, she was so suprised. Ling shuddered as her small form was flung away from Gluttony's clumsy attempt to grab her.

She hit one of the metal pipes with a horrible smacking noise and Ling felt sick as she slid to the ground. Rival or not, she was still a little girl, and she shouldn't have to go through that.

Gluttony had earnt himself a knife to the face for that one, as a furious Lan Fan charged towards him. Ling was about to run over to May, but Alphonse beat him to it, and checked her forehead before slipping the girl into his armour. Good, at least she'd be safe.

"My Lord, we need to get out of here soon!" Lan Fan called out anxiously.

"Yeah, but how?" He wondered.

Ed, having broken away from the fight with Envy, leaving Scar to it, and gone to fight the blonde man he seemed to recognise, turned away, and called, with a grin that would make anyone sane run for cover, said;

"I have a plan to get us out of here!"


	15. Chapter 15

"That," Ling snarled later, "did not count as a plan."

Ed shrugged, not really in the mood to deal with Ling at the moment. Everyone, including Scar, had got out safely in the end, and though his plan wasn't the best, it worked and that was all that mattered. If no one wanted to talk about it because their heartbeat hadn't slowed down from their terrifying struggle, then that was fine by him.

 _I'm a monster. Al hates me._

 _But I'll keep moving forward._

"Did you grab the stone like I thought you did?" Ed asked instead, feeling a small spark of satisfaction as a wide grin split Ling's face. Ling finshed the faintly glowing red stone out his pocket.

"Right here." The prince said smugly. It seemed out of place for this to happen in a stuffy safehouse on a seemingly normal afternoon. Ed had only remembered the place as it was where Fuery had taken Winry, and it was a safehouse, somewhere for them to clean up after running from the lair of the homunculi.

Ed tried not to think about how he had left Al, but his brother hadn't called out for him as he lead Ling and Lan Fan away, so for all Ed knew, his brother still thought he was a monster, still hated him.

 _I'm sorry Al. I tried, I failed and I ended up hurting you. But I will keep our promise. I will sacrifice my stone and get your body back. Then, if you want, I'll fade away into the shadows like the monster I am._

"My Lord, this means we can travel back to Xing and you can begin to claim the throne!" Lan Fan cried, her one eye brimming with overjoyed tears.

"Yeah!" Ling yelled, equally thrilled, and Ed felt himself smiling, although he didn't really feel all that much joy over it. _Back to Xing... And they were begining to see me for, well, me again, not just as a monster... Even Al..._

"Lan Fan, I want you to stay here." Ling's sheepish but firm voice cut Ed out of his thoughts.

"W-why?" Lan Fan asked, but aside from her stutter, she didn't sound all that suprised.

"What kind of king can't repay a debt? Lan Fan, please stay and help Ed as repayment for all the help he gave us." Ling requested, bowing his head.

Lan Fan paused, clearly torn, between helping him, keeping her prince's pride intact, but wanting to help her prince at all costs.

"You don't need to do that I'm f-" Ed was suprised that Ling cut him off.

"Don't." He snapped. He then paused, and said in a slightly softer tone. "Don't say you're fine. Your own brother called you a monster. Ed, you don't need to face this alone."

"He's right. Edward, you've been through a lot. I would be more than happy to assist you in return for the help you've given us." Lan Fan said quietly.

Ed blinked in suprise. Lan Fan rarely spoke, and he shouldn't keep them from their country... Besides, with what he was thinking of doing, they should probably pretend they didn't know him. "You might not want to even be involved with me, pretty soon..." He trailed off, realising that they were staring at him, with more curiousity than hatred. It was... encouraging?

"Well, Ed, what are you planning?" Ling asked, with the beginings of a smirk on his face.

"Well, Envy told me to stop hiding..." Ed's face suddenly lit up in a grin that suggested that he wasn't entirely sane anymore. "So I'm going to make them wish I kept hiding."

* * *

"Where are you going?" Lan Fan asked. Ling had left roughly two hours ago, and Ed had tried to comfort her, but felt bad, as it was technically his fault she was still here... Still, she kept on telling him that it wasn't his fault, though she had been twitching at every noise since.

"I need to give this gun back to Hawkeye. Then... well, if my plan's going to work, we'll need another powerful person." Ed explained sheepishly.

"That's fine." Lan Fan managed a shaky smile. "I'd like to come with you... Sitting around doing nothing isn't good for my nerves."

"Sure!" The two left the house, both of them aware that they probably wouldn't be going back.

* * *

Alphonse sighed in relief as the doctor who had helped Lan Fan carefully finished treating the girl's wounds.

"It's only a mild concussion." The doctor told him.

"Thank God." Al sighed.

"You think it's good?!" The doctor snarled.

"N-no, I'm just g-glad that her injuries aren't worse!" Al stuttered.

"What happened after we left you fighting that thing?" Doctor Knox asked, sounding very tired, and very guilty.

"Well... Ling, Lan Fan, Envy and... B-brother were swallowed... But they got out." Al said, slowly feeling dread creep into his soul.

 _Brother... What have I done? I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!_

Al sunk to his knees, hardly listening as the doctor yelled, and asked him some questions, and eventually gave up. Only now did he realise the true impact of what he had done and said, and only now realising that it wasn't how he truly thought.

 _I should've been a better brother... I should've known... Now I've driven him away and- and it's all my fault!_ Ed had given everything to him, always been there to protect him, always driving them forwards, always looking for a way to keep his promise.

 _Why did I say that! He's my brother... He's all I have left! He was lying to me to protect me, I just know it! And how do I repay him? By telling him to stay away..._ Why? Why would he do that?

 _I really am a horrible brother... He shouldn't have bothered bringing me back... He was probably suffering in silence and I did nothing!_

Al knew what he had to do. He had to find his brother, he had to apolgoise and just do something, anything to fix their bonds. The bonds he had broken.

 _Brother... I'm sorry... Please..._

 _Please, give me a chance to take it back!_

* * *

"Well, what are we going to do?" Envy questioned furiously. "They escaped, and took Greed's stone with them!"

Father's face was grim. "I am aware of that." He said coldly, and Envy flinched, and then tried to hide it.

"Lust is dead." Gluttony whimpered from the corner he was crouched in.

"I know it appears that we are losing more than the progress we are making, but that is not exactly so." Father told them in a tone that suggested that he hadn't told them everything.

"The plans at the North are almost completed." Pride commented.

"And I was correct in my assumption that Roy Mustang is suitable to be a human sacrifice." Wrath continued briskly.

"See? And as for the matter of Greed's stone... Well, the young fool who took it... I imagine that he'll end up here sooner or later." Father murmured thoughtfully.

"Really, what makes you so sure?" Envy asked.

"No one can resist greed, or curiousity for that matter... We're not losing in any shape or form. They're mere humans, and they cannot begin to oppose us." Father told them calmly, although ice was begining to creep into his tone.

"But that brat's a homunculus. He might be a problem." Envy pointed out.

"Hohenheim's boy... While your concerns aren't completely without reason, they are invalid. While he is a homunculus, he's too soft. He won't be any trouble, at least in the near future." Father's voice was cold and threatening by the end, and every single homunculus knew better than to argue.

* * *

Kimblee sat in his prison cell, staring vacantly through the narrow slit of bars that the guards called a window. His hands were bound, he was chained to the walls. This was pretty much how every night in the prison went, but this felt different. Prephaps it was because he had spent so much time in Ishval, but his gut had never been wrong about something like this.

Whether good or bad, something was happening.

The prision was silent. Too silent, too tense. The silence seemed to strech on forever, but Kimblee sat there, staring, waiting. Then the silence was broken, as there were two _thumps_ as the only guards who were near him collapsed to the ground. Impressive... The attack was almost silent.

The light by his 'window' flickered, and the shadow of a featureless mask fell onto the small puddle of light in his cell.

"Solf J Kimblee?" The voice was distorted by the mask, and Kimblee raised an eyebrow. This person wasn't half bad at this.

"Hello." He kept his voice even, trying to predict where this conversation. "What do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

"I have an offer for you." He was at a disadvantage. He couldn't see their face, he was rusty at this. Still, their voice wasn't completely expressionless, whoever this was, they didn't do this often. He could catch a faint trace of uncertainty.

"What kind of offer, you do know my work is kind of selective, right?" He responded evenly, like he wasn't being offered escape.

"That's why I'm offering. I need another ally, and this work isn't going to be easy." Were they being deliberately vauge? It was understandable. Kimblee decided to skip to the point.

"What's in it for me?" At the end of the day, it was a question that every man would at least ask himself.

This earned him a slight laugh. "At least you're honest. You get out of prision, the entertainment you're fond of, and afterwards, provided you don't betray us, I don't care what you do."

Kimblee shrugged as much as he could with all the restraints. "Well, I never was hard to please. I'm in."

As all the chains fell away in a burst of alchemic light, he could just about hear his, 'employer' say under his breath, "us monsters need to stick together, after all."


	16. Chapter 16

Al had been up all night trying to find Ed, and was, for once, very glad that he didn't get tired. Despite all his efforts, there was no sign of his brother in Central at all. Al was begining to worry that he had really, really messed up.

Now, as he sat on a bench, staring at his hands, he wondered exactly what had happened to his brother.

 _But I killed you!_

 _The bastard knew medical alchemy._

 _So that's what Hohenheim did._

Al knew that he really should've pieced it together before now, but it didn't stop another jolt of horror passing through him. Hohenheim... Maybe Ed was right to hate him after all. Then again, he might have guessed wrong, and it wasn't Hohenheim... He knew that he had to know for sure before he could find his brother, because it wouldn't be right to find him and turn up without a clue as to what happened. Al steeled himself, then decided to call Granny Pinako. It happened at Reesembool, so there was a chance that she had seen, or at least knew something about it.

"Did you hear the rumours?" With no one to talk to as he trudged to the nearest phone booth, Al found himself overhearing a lot more people than he would've liked to.

"No, what is it?" Al kept on walking, it really was quieter without his brother.

"A really highly guarded prisoner escaped last night!" Al felt the same flash of worry that anyone normal would about such news. It wasn't anything about his brother, and the criminal would be on the run. He did feel bad for some of his friends in the military. They'd probably be the ones stuck dealing with the issue, after all.

* * *

Al fidgeted nervously as the phone rang. He only realised now that he had no idea what he was going to say.

"Hello?" Pinako's voice was familiar, and it helped Al gather his courage.

"Hi Granny. It's Al." He managed to sound somewhat normal, despite the fact he was begining to panic again.

"Oh. What's wrong Alphonse?" She asked, and hearing the concern in her voice didn't help.

"Uh... you know a while ago, Brother and D- Hohenheim were in Reesembool?" He asked anxiously, and he could almost _hear_ Pinako raising an eyebrow at his slip-up.

"Yes. What about it?" She asked, and Al decided to just go ahead and ask, because he knew he wouldn't last if he didn't.

"What happened to brother? Granny, I need the truth." Al said, and he knew from the sigh that followed that whatever was in his tone had worked, and that he was going to find out what happened.

"I'm suprised that he hasn't told you already... The fact you're asking me and not him... I take it something bad happened... Now, I don't know much about alchemy, as you boys know, but I'll tell you what I can remember." She sighed.

"Thank you, Granny." Al said, before falling silent and waiting for her to continue.

"All right... I remember the door slamming, and I though that one of them was mad, so I went to check it out. Ed was screaming in the middle of the circle, and there was so, so much blood. The strangest thing was, is that he didn't seem to be injured but was in pain." She said gravely, and Al felt his horrible mix of emotions grow; guilt, anger, sadness and regret.

"Was it... Was it Hohenheim doing the transmutation?" He finally asked.

"Yes. I don't know the details, but he said he was saving Ed's life." Pinako sighed.

"I see." Al said stiffly. "Thank you Granny."

"Alphonse, is everything alri-" Al put the phone down, feeling slightly bad for cutting her off, and probably worrying her, but he had a lot to think about.

So Ed had been right after all. Hohenheim did it. Was there nothing else he could've done to save his brother? Was this really for the best? Because now, Ed was broken. And it was all his fault. Which is why, as a good brother, he had to try and fix it.

He just had to find his brother first.

* * *

"A week. We've been travelling for a week." Kimblee sighed. "You'd think a promise of entertainment would be, I don't know, a bit more interesting?" He complained loudly.

"Well," Ed snapped, "travelling with a wanted criminal isn't exactly easy."

"That's true. Could you shut up for a while, Kimblee?" Lan Fan muttered.

"Is there any particular reason you chose me and not some random person?" Kimblee asked, finally showing emotion other than amusement and irritation. He was curious.

"Because it'd send Central into panic, you're a valuable ally, not afraid to do the tasks that need doing..." Then Ed was grinning, that same dangerous grin that showed that something wasn't quite right with him. "And I already told you, us monsters need to stick together."

"Hah! I have to admit, I like how you think kid. I think we'll get along just fine!" Kimblee laughed.

There was a horrible rattling noise as the train they were on rounded a corner. The air had been getting colder and colder, and Lan Fan had to go into town for supplies, like new clothes and weaponry, because he face was the only one that wouldn't immediately send alarm bells straight to the people they didn't want finding them.

Ed had been suprised when she had handed him several weapons, explaining that the chances of his automail breaking were too great for him to use the blade he normally transmuted as a reliable weapon. So now he had two new weapons.

 _Monster._

 _Your brother hates you. He wants you gone. You can't go back. You failed... There's no where to hide anymore._

 _So I won't bother. I won't try to be something I'm not._

 _I won't hide. I won't run away. Instead, I'll run straight at them, and show them what I've become. They won't like it. They won't win. Not now. Not ever._

 _I don't have anything to hold me down. If I can just believe that..._

 _Then this will work._

 _Perfectly._

* * *

Ling stared at the sky, then immediately regretted it. The sun was blazing down on him, and while travelling alone meant that he had more rations, it was also very, very lonely. He hoped that he'd made the right choice in leaving Lan Fan with Ed.

Hopefully, she'd be able to help him. Maybe convince him that he wasn't a monster. Maybe she'd help keep him from danger, from losing himself.

Then again, all that could fail and she could be dragged into something horrible. Ed wasn't who he used to be. That was completely understandable, and Ling couldn't blame him for it. But the fact remained that he could have left Lan Fan with a complete psychopath.

 _She's not defenceless. She can take care of herself._ Ling told himself, shaking his head, and staring at the red stone in his clenched fist. That was it. The key to his problems. Because of this, Lan Fan's sacrifice, the eye she would never see out of again, wouldn't be in vain.

Because of this, he could achieve his dream, and make things better for everyone.

He was going to keep going, for everyone's sake. He had to trust Ed, trust Lan Fan.

So Ling ignored the uneasy feeling in his gut and kept moving towards Xing and away from Amestris.


	17. Chapter 17

The first hint that Al got as to where Ed could have possibly gone came through pure chance. After another night of looking everywhere with no results, Al was walking around aimlessly. He had occupied most of his days by visiting the Xingese girl, who he had learned was called May, and they had got along really well, talking about the differences in alchemy and alkahestry.

Sadly, she had left with only a note the previous day, and Al felt the loss of someone else close to him bitterly. Still, it was nice of her to even leave a note for him, and one for the doctor. She had wished him luck in finding his brother and getting his body back. That'd meant a lot, and the rush of fondness he had felt for the girl only made the loss feel worse.

So, he wasn't in the best of moods as he walked down the streets that day. He hadn't been able to find a single thing. He was feeling more and more useless, he had lost his brother, his friend and he'd messed up so, so badly.

He had driven his brother away. He only felt more sure of this every time he failed. A week and two days. He was begining to doubt that he'd ever see his brother again.

That was why he wasn't the most alert and ended up bumping into none other than Riza Hawkeye while she was on her way to work.

"Oh, sorry!" He apologised on impulse.

"Hello Alphonse." She greeted, waving off his apology. "Your brother isn't with you?"

"No... I haven't seen him for a while actually." He admitted, suddenly more ashamed than ever. "When did you last see him?"

Hawkeye blinked, suprised by the desperation in his voice. "Some time last week, he came to visit me, to return my gun and we talked for a bit." She shrugged.

"What about?" Al asked, suddenly getting a sinking feeling. He didn't know why, but what Hawkeye was going to say next would be important.

"I mostly told him about Ishval and things that happened there, but now that I think about it, Ed did ask about the North quite a bit. A lot, now that I think about it. When I asked if he was thinking of going there, he laughed." Hawkeye told him with a small smile. "Does that help?"

"Yeah!" If Al could have, he would've been beaming. The North! Finally, a solid lead.

"It's not definite." Hawkeye warned, as if sensing his joy.

"I know." But for all it was worth, Al couldn't stop the relief that he was finally getting somewhere.

"Hello, Alphonse Elric, Lieutenant Hawkeye." A deep voice boomed. It took Al a second to realise that it was Armstrong.

"Hello." Al said quickly, with Hawkeye echoing his greetings.

"I couldn't help but overhear your conversation." The man continued. "Are you planning on travelling to the North."

"Uh, yeah, I guess." Al said awkwardly, not entirely sure where Armstrong was going with this.

"It would be irresponsible to allow you to go to such a dangerous place alone! I, Alex Louis Armstrong shall accompany you!" He declared.

Al mentally groaned. He had nothing against Armstrong, but he was known to be a little over enthusiastic, and with how his brother was now, this might not be the best idea...

"Uh, you really don't need to trouble yourself." Al stammered, trying his best not to insult the man.

"Nonsense. I heard you are going North in the search of your brother. I will come with you, and that's final." Armstrong boomed. _This is bad. He doesn't know about Brother, and I don't have the slightest clue as to how he'll react._

"If you'll excuse me, I have to get to work." Hawkeye said quickly, and after saying goodbye, Al was left alone with Armstrong.

"Alphonse, did your brother make any adjustments to his automail before leaving to the North?" Armstrong asked, and Al mentally sighed, giving up.

* * *

"I'm so sorry about this." Al apologised, for the tenth time to Winry. They were sitting in a train that would take them to the North. Armstrong had left to go and buy them all some food, after refusing both their offers to pay. Al didn't want to remind him that he couldn't eat, as that would be another reminder of his brother, and all the mistakes that had led up to them being seperated.

"It's fine." Winry said cheerfully. "Honestly, running off to the North without making adjustments. He deserves the pain he's gonna get for that."

Al wondered if Ed was even going to be affected by the issue with his automail. If- no, now he was a homunculus, he'd have healing abilities. Wait, Ed could have easily got his arm and leg back by now, so why hadn't he? Al suddenly felt warm for some reason.

 _He was waiting for me! Like we promised, he wants us to regain what we lost together!_

 _And I called him a monster, told him to go away._

 _Then again, I always was the one dragging you down, wasn't I, brother?_

"Hey Al, why did Ed go to the North without you anyway? I mean, you're always together." Winry asked curiously.

"We... had an argument." Al said lamely. It was much more than that, and he knew it. His brother had _needed_ the support only Al could give. Instead, Al broke him.

There wasn't anything that could excuse it, what he had done was terrible. But he was going to fix it, even if it killed him.

"What about?" Winry asked softly.

"I said something I shouldn't have." Al said sadly.

"Something so bad that he leaves to go North without telling you." She raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, it was that bad." Al said, feeling as bad as he had in the first moments of when what he'd said sunk in.

"What did you say?" She asked, and Al couldn't read anything in her tone.

"I can't tell you." Because telling someone, _anyone,_ would mean betraying his brother again. It would share the darkest secret that his brother had tried so hard to hide. He couldn't do it. He couldn't do that to his brother. Not again.

"Why," Winry whispered, "why do you guys never tell me anything?"

"Because..." Al fumbled uselessly for an excuse.

"Don't tell me you're trying to protect me." She said, voice filled with raw hurt. Al flinched, and hated how _loud_ his armour was.

Armstrong came back, carrying enough food to feed Gluttony for a month. "Did I miss anything?" He asked, seeing their faces.

Al shifted uncomfortably as the train started moving, and the three fell into an uneasy silence. He couldn't handle Winry hating him as well as his brother. Wait, _hating_ him. He knew that his brother was upset, but hate was a strong word.

His brother didn't hate him, did he? They'd beat this, like they did everything else... If they didn't, then Al didn't think his brother would be the only one broken anymore. They had done everything for each other, always been there for each other, all except for one time.

Would that one time he failed really change everything? All those years, broken apart... Al didn't want to think about what would happen if that happened, but if that became reality.

His brother ran away, Winry wasn't talking to him, May had run off to who knows where, and his Dad, not that Al was really sure that he wanted to talk to Hohenheim, was far away, just like he's always been.

Was this how his brother had felt?

* * *

The next time Armstrong got up to leave for a reason that Al didn't listen to, he turned to Winry.

"Something bad happened to Brother." he told her, and ignored her slight gasp, "and when he needed me to support him, I said something horrible to him. Then we were sepparated and I haven't seen him since." He blurted, waiting for her to get mad, tell him that he was a bad brother.

"You idiots." She whispered, and took both his giant metal hands in her small ones. Al finally felt that he wasn't so alone anymore.

* * *

"They're here. Just below us." Lan Fan said, her voice low. The three had been searching in the unforgiving untamed land of the North. It was freezing and miserable, but none of them had complained. They were hot on the trail of their prey.

The snowy clearing in which they crouched seemed to be nothing special. Nothing out of the ordinary, but Lan Fan wouldn't lie.

"Are you ready?" He asked, voice low. Lan Fan nodded tensely, silently drawing her weapons, two daggers and Ed watched as she double checked that all her other knives and grenades were in place.

"Oh hell yeah. Let's get this started!" Kimblee cheered.

"If you'd do the honours." Ed said cheerfully, gesturing to the snowy floor. Kimblee grinned, help up his palms, there was a flash of light where the alchemy worked and suddenly they were falling, while the snow exploded around them.

In the darkness, with the wind rushing past him, falling into the shadows, Ed had never felt so alive. Where no one could hear him, he let out a laugh. "Watch out, homunculi, the game's about to begin!"


	18. Chapter 18

"This is fun!" Kimblee laughed madly, causing yet another explosion, one that shook the walls of the tunnels and made the bulky homunculus fall over, only for it to be impaled by spikes that Ed had hastily transmuted.

"I never thought I'd agree with you!" Ed yelled, missing Lan Fan's flinch. Then, her eyes widened.

"There's another one coming!" She warned, and both Kimblee and Ed span around, ignoring the large homunculus who was struggling to get up.

Ed gritted his teeth and jumped out of the way as a shadow slammed down, barely missing him. There was a flash of red, and he gasped when he saw a red eye glaring at him.

The shadow streaked past him, and in mere seconds, the rocks that were holding down the large homunculus were shattered.

"I can't believe you stopped Sloth that easily. And to think that mere humans are the reason he wasn't working for several days. Oh, what's this? Another homunculus? I see, you're the one Wrath managed to lose." A cold voice echoed through the tunnels, mocking them.

"Who are you?" Lan Fan asked, since neither Ed nor Kimblee were about to ask.

"You can call me Pride." The voice sounded smug.

"I honestly would've thought he'd turn up eariler." Kimblee muttered.

"I had more important buisness to attend to." The voice said stiffly, and Ed could hear the malice in it's tone.

"Well, how about we make this your more important buisness?" Ed asked raising an eyebrow, hands inching towards the weapons he hadn't tried in a real right yet.

"Arrogant, aren't you?" The childish voice sneered. Then everything exploded into action once more.

Dark tendrils of shadows were blasted away by Kimblee, while Ed ran towards where the shadows were coming from, only to find his way blocked.

"How many of these things are there?" He hissed, stabbing at the shadows with his automail blade.

"You know, I heard a rather interesting rumour the other day," one of the shadows whispered, "about a suit of armour asking about his brother in a town near here."

No emotion or expression showed on Ed's face as he puched the mocking crimson eye as hard as he could, and felt immense satisfaction as it recoiled, sliding back into the darkness.

"You really have changed." The voice snorted, and Ed realised that it was genuinely amused. That wasn't good, if what he was doing amused one of _them,_ then it _couldn't_ be good, but he couldn't care less.

He'd changed, maybe he had become a monster, but how could he stay the same. All anyone saw was a monster, not him. Not who he was, who he wanted to be. Maybe all this was a lie, maybe he was fooling himself so he wouldn't hurt. Maybe it wasn't a lie. Maybe it was a real.

* * *

Ed tried to ignore Kimblee's laughter and focused on batting away the shadows. It was hard, but that strange energy that had filled his body since he had become a homunculus really helped, so between him and Kimblee, Pride was certainly occupied.

"You humans, and you, rogue, are really annoying." The chilling voice seemed to have lost some of it's smugness.

"I'm actually really happy to hear that. I'm doing something right!" Kimblee said cheerfully, readying his hands.

"Yeah. And this is fun!" Ed smirked, a strange light in his golden eyes, as he scanned the featureless walls for anything he could tansmute.

Suddenly, there was a sharp cry of pain from behind him, and Ed immediately recognised it to be Lan Fan. They had left her to deal with the big one... Why hadn't they thought to help... She was hurt!

Ed was going to turn and see her injury, but a warning noise from Kimblee stopped him. That was right, if he turned now, then Pride would strike and that would be it. But Lan Fan... She could be dying. Ling would never forgive him. He would never forgive himself. He had to do something!

With a snarl, Ed clapped his hands and dropped to the floor, making a temorary wall between them and Pride. The lantern was on their side of the wall, and when Kimblee realised what Ed was doing, he shrugged and sent more explosions at the shadows, stopping it ever so briefly.

Those seconds were all they needed. The thin wall closed, and the last beam of light cast by the lantern disappeared. Pride was left alone in complete darkness. With no light, there could be no shadows.

Kimblee rolled his eyes as Ed sprinted towards a kneeling Lan Fan, who was clutching her arm. "He got my blind spot." She hissed through clenched teeth.

Sloth, as Pride had called the large homunculus, was sent staggering by a particually vicious round of explosions from Kimblee's alchemy.

"Can you carry her?" Ed asked, already begining to transmute them a way out of the tunnels.

"Sure," Kimblee shrugged, "she's lighter than she looks."

As soon as they were out of the tunnels, Ed clapped, and the entire structure collapsed behind them, burrying the two homunculi and ruining the tunnels.

* * *

"Have you seen a small guy with golden hair and eyes?" Al asked tiredly. Three days of searching and no one had seen a thing. The North was a big place, so his brother might not be anywhere near here. Still, it didn't hurt to look.

To his suprise, the woman running the small store brightened. "Well, I couldn't see his hair, but a young man with golden eyes was in here just today, buying medical supplies." She told him cheerfully.

Al struggled to contain his hope and keep his voice even. "Really? How tall was he?"

"Well," her face fell, and she closed her eyes in thought, "short enough that I had to ask if he wanted help reaching a shelf, and he got rather mad."

"That's brother all right." Al breathed in relief. "Did he say where he was going?"

"No, sorry." She said sadly.

"Thank you very much." Al said, and he hoped his smile showed in his voice.

She smiled at him, and waved as he left the shop.

"Winry!" Al called, running over to the excited blonde.

"Al!" She cried, beaming.

"I found out about Ed!" They both said at the same time.

"Yeah, he was buying medical supplies just today!" Al said, shaking slightly from his happiness.

"And a short figure in a black coat was seen storming into the forest nearby here with what looked like medical supplies." She squealed.

"We're getting somewhere!" Al sighed with relief, joy and so many more emotions he couldn't name.

"Did you find anything?" Armstrong boomed, marching over to them.

"Yeah! Brother brought medical supplies then went into the forest!" Al nearly yelled.

"That's good to hear. We shall search for Edward in the morning," He told them, giving their faces a disapproving glance, "it's too dark now. We will only fail if we try now."

"Alright." Al sighed. Another long, lonely night of saying sorry to the moon, and hoping that his brother would somehow hear it. The night was so long, so dark. It was his own personal hell.

 _Another night of thinking. I hope we find you tomorrow, Brother. Tomorrow, when the skies are light and filled with hope. I just want to see you again, Brother._

 _So I at least have the chance to say I'm sorry._

* * *

"We might not find Edward today." Armstrong warned as they started walking through the trees.

"I know, but it doesn't hurt to be optimistic, right?" Winry asked cheerfully.

"I suppose not. Just don't be disappointed." Armstrong told them.

"We understand." Al reassured him. _Just a little longer, Brother._

They searched for anything from footprints to snapped branches in the forest. They searched for several hours, but didn't find anything.

"Wait, look at that!" Al gapsed, pointing at something imprinted in the snow. It was a footprint, and a fresh one.

"Someone's nearby!" Armstrong grunted.

"Damn right." A male voice said from behind them. The man wore a crisp white suit, and had long black hair in a ponytail.

"Kimblee." Armstrong snarled. With a flash of horror, Al realised who it was. The dangerous criminal who had somehow escaped a high security cell. He was _here_. How did this happen?

"Well," The Crimson Alchemist raised an eyebrow with a wolfish grin, "the boss is going to want to know about _this_."


	19. Chapter 19

Al moved in front of Winry, staring at Kimblee uncertainly.

"Your boss? Are you working for someone? Did they break you out of prision?" Armstrong asked furiously. Kimblee rolled his eyes, and shoved out his hands, the red markings lighting up with the light of a transmutation and with a horrible cracking noise, a branch from the tree the Strong Arm Alchemist was standing under fell, and hit the man on the head.

Armstrong fell slowly, face becoming slack as he was knocked out. Al let out a horrified gasp, but didn't even have time to move, because while Al was distracted with Armstrong, Kimblee raced forward, aiming a powerful kick at Al's face.

Al watched as his head hit the snow, feeling a growing panic. _Kimblee was strong, and dangerous enough to be locked away. He's already knocked out Armstrong ! What if he hurts Winry? I have to beat him, somehow!_

Al clenched his fists and turned to face Kimblee, ignoring the fact that Winry was picking up his head. Kimblee looked thoughtful for a second, staring at Al's hollow armour. _Why isn't he attacking yet? What should I do? Can I even fight him like this?_

"Hollow inside, eh? Well, maybe the boss will want to recruit you?" Kimblee was smiling again, that horrible, twisted smile. "Well, you can either come with me quietly, or I can knock you all out and you can come silently," he raised an eyebrow, "your choice."

Al exchanged a glance with Winry. Fighting here and now would be too risky. Especially with Armstrong injured. They'd have to brave everything and face this 'boss' of Kimblee's.

 _What if he knows about brother? That'd be good... But what if they hurt him?_

"Since this guy probably weighs a ton, you can carry him." Kimblee pointed at Armstong.

"We'll need him for interrogation." Kimblee said simply as an asnwer to Winry's questioning look.

"What about us?" Winry asked, doing a pretty good job of keeping the fear out of her voice.

"Well, the metal guy might end up joining us, and well," Kimblee's smile never changed, "I'm a gentleman. I'm not just going to leave a lady alone in the cold."

Al shuddered. _Just how bad a mess are we in?_

* * *

"Hey Boss!" Ed heard Kimblee call as he entered their camp. As stupid as it sounded, they'd found a cave and set up there, as the formation at least offered some protection from the biting winds.

He had just finished reapplying the bandages to Lan Fan's wound. It was long and shallow, but it ran along the entire length of her arm. She wasn't going to be moving it for a while.

"I brought some visitors!" Kimblee called again, sounding just the right blend of cheerful and sadistic as usual. Ed rolled his eyes, and gestured for Lan Fan to stay quiet while he slipped on his mask, the same one he had worn to break Kimblee out of prison. Lan Fan narrowed her eyes as he left the cave.

He'd designed it so it looked like a monster's face.

He marched out of the cave, ready to give Kimblee a piece of his mind for bringing outsiders to their camp, but the words died in his throat. A single tear froze on his face under his mask.

Alphonse was standing in front of him, the bulk of an unconscious Armstrong in his arms and a trembling Winry hiding behind him. He unconsciously took a step back.

 _Al... Winry..._

 _"Y-you're not my brother! S-stay away!"_

 _"I won't die, and I promise that I won't let Al die either."_

They were here... How... Why? What should he do? They couldn't stay here, what it the homunculi hurt them? What if _he_ hurt them?

"Why did you bring outsiders here, Kimblee?" He managed to keep his tone flat, and the mask helped hide who he was. _The monster behind the mask... Don't let them see me._

"Well, we can interrogate the military guy... The girl seems harmless and well... That guy in the armour," Kimblee leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "he hasn't got a body."

Ed tilted his head to the side. "Your point?" _Act like you don't know them. If they see you like this... Monster. Why? I stopped running, stopped hiding. Why are they affecting me this much? Is it because I care about them? Why..._

 _Why bother?_

"I don't know," Ed said to Kimblee, pretending to ignore Al and Winry, and look at the situation as a stranger would, just using logic, "if Pride gets it's shadows in the armour, it's game over."

"True, but what about Sloth?" Kimblee muttered.

"Good point. But I don't think it'll be worth it." Ed said quietly.

"Really?" Kimblee asked, staring at the two.

"We know nothing about him. He may as well be planning on killing us in our sleep." Ed said coldly, already hating himself for saying something like that about his brother.

"At least you're careful." Kimblee shrugged.

"Who are you?" Al asked, and hearing his voice sounding so _normal_ made it feel like Ed's heart was being stabbed at.

"No one." Ed managed to say, feeling more tears freeze on his face. _No one to you. Not anymore. Please, just believe me... I have to mean nothing to you, for this to work, for me to continue... I can't just stop..._

 _Please..._

Ed wasn't aware that Lan Fan had moved until the throwing knife hit him in the forehead. He didn't even register that she was the one who threw it. All he cared about was now Al and Winry could see his face. _They know... Why?_

 _Why can't I keep running? If I'm a monster, I don't want them to see... I just wanted to run._

* * *

Whatever Al had expected Kimblee's boss to be like, this wasn't it. Other than the mask, which was just plain hideous, he was absolutely nothing like the Crimson Alchemist.

The two talked quietly, and all the while Al had nervously looked for ways they could escape. This wasn't good. If this person had actually broken Kimblee out of prision, there was something wrong with them.

Al paused, then finally decided to speak, and asked possibly the most boring question out there, but it was all he could think of. When the guy with the mask responded, it was hard to tell because of how disfigured the voice was because of the mask, but Al thought that whoever it was sounded sad.

Then, there was a blur of silver and the mask shattered, falling to the ground, and there was a throwing knife burried in his brother's forehead.

For one second, one precious second, Al forgot everything about his brother being a homunculus, apparently breaking a criminal out of prision and him running away. All that mattered was that his brother was right _there_.

But he was hurt, possibly dying... _Brother! I have to help him!_

As soon as it came, the moment was gone, and his brother pulled the knife out of his head in one swift movement, and with a couple of red sparks, the wound was completely healed, like it had never been there at all. Then everything came crashing back, and Al once again felt like he was drowning. He nearly missed what Ed said next.

His brother's voice was deathly quiet, and it was a struggle to tell how he was feeling, his tone was so flat and cold. "Lan Fan. Why did you do that?"

 _Lan Fan!_ She was here? That made sense, as now that he thought about it, Al remembered seeing the two Xingese with Ed as they disappeared. It was then Al noticed the girl leaning against the cave wall, hand falling limply to her side after throwing the knife. She was paler than Al remembered, although that might have something to do with the glare Ed was sending at her. There were fresh bangages on her arm, but they were already begining to be stained with red.

"Because you can't keep doing this to yourself! You're driving yourself insane!" She yelled desperately, and Al wondered what had _happened_ to his brother if the usually quiet Lan Fan was worried. How was she injured? Why was Kimblee there? What were they _doing_?

But first...

"Brother!" Al called out. He almost regretted speaking as his brother turned so fast Al wondered if Ed could teleport, and there was a flash of something in those golden eyes. What was it? Sadness? Betrayal? Regret?

"I'm sorry!" Al said quickly, and he wondered if he'd ever forget the stunned expression on Ed's face. "I didn't mean what I said! You aren't a monster, brother!"

"See, Edward, you aren't what you think you are!" Lan Fan cried.

Al faintly noticed Kimblee rolling his eyes and stalking into the cave, but didn't really care. "Brother, I'm sorry, please... Please just listen to me." He tried again, and Ed still hadn't said anything. _Why isn't he talking? Is he mad? Brother..._

Ed started shaking, and as the light glinted off his brother's face, Al realised that there were tears freezing as soon as they fell. _Why... Why is he crying? Did I do this?_

Al could practically hear his brother calling himself a monster as he sunk to his knees. He couldn't just stand there and watch! He'd already failed his brother once, and he wasn't about to fail again.

"Brother..." He whispered, kneeling in the snow beside his brother.

"I'm sorry, Al..." Ed managed to say, before he clapped his hands and the snow exploded around them, not enough to hurt anyone, but for a few precious seconds, all anyone could see was white. By the time they could see again, Ed was gone.

* * *

 _I'm sorry Al... But I've changed, and I don't think I can be the brother you're looking for. Not while I'm like this. Not while I'm a monster... Just a little longer, and I promise I'll come back._

 _Just you wait._


	20. Chapter 20

Ed kept running, not really caring where he was going. He knew the snow cover he made wouldn't last long. _Running away again... I really am pathetic._

Still, anything would be better than staying there... Al and Winry shouldn't have seen him like that. He had to finish this. He had started it. That was why he needed Kimblee. Speaking of the Crimson Alchemist...

"Hey Boss!" The familar voice called, as Kimblee stepped through the trees, carrying a massive bag. _I'm not going to even ask how he found me... What's in that bag? Please don't tell me he's just taken all the weapons... I'm not going back and having no food will be a pain._

"Why are you calling me boss?" Ed asked, raising an eyebrow. This was suspicious, Kimblee never did anything without some hidden reasoning.

"Well, it was mostly to scare those guys," Kimblee shrugged, with a grin, "but you're technically employing me, therefore you are my boss."

Ed snorted. "Don't pretend you're not enjoying your work." _Sadly I could say the same. I shouldn't enjoy this, but I do. I really am a monster... But I'll change. If I can still go back after this._

"True." Kimblee laughed, and Ed didn't find it sadistic as many people often said about the Crimson Alchemist. It was just a normal laugh.

"Speaking of work." Ed muttered, scanning his surroundings for anything familiar to give him a sense of where he was. _That's right. The game started a while ago. No quitting. We have to win. And I'm fairly sure we will. Even if it kills me._

"Don't we need Lan Fan to sense their presence?" Kimblee asked curiously. At least he wasn't being hostile or doubtful.

"Not necessarily. We could also just blow up everything around the tunnel until we find where they continued or crawled their way out." Ed smirked. Yes, it was a stupid plan, but Kimblee sure as hell wasn't offering anything better. Besides, he needed to do something.

Instead, the Crimson Alchemist grinned and merely said, "I like the way you think!" _See, Al? I can't go back to you like this... It hurts, though, knowing that you didn't hate me... I just had to ruin it and become a monster._

It occured to him that Winry had been there the whole time. She'd been hiding behind Al, looking a heartbreaking mix of shock and worried. _Again, I've hurt someone. She saw the whole thing... If she didn't know before, she knows now. She was there when Lan Fan threw the knife... Lan Fan was worried about me... Another person I've let down... But Winry... I've lied to her, and ran away. I wish I'd talked to her._

 _I wish for too many things._

Ed shook his head. He'd been thinking like this a lot. Every night since he'd left to go North, when he couldn't sleep, he'd stare at the sky, thinking about all the 'what if' situations, and the things he'd regretted. He labeled the stars with each of the things he'd done wrong. One night, it hit him how much his childhood friend meant to him. She was more to him than just his mechanic. But he'd run away from both her and Al, all because he was a monster. All becase he couldn't bear the though of hurting them, all because he didn't want them to see what he really was. He thought about the silent promises he made, that if, no _when_ he was human, he'd fix everything. But at the moment, he was the exact monster everyone saw him as. Everyone except Al, Lan Fan and maybe Winry. He'd hurt all of them. He'd have to change again, even if it hurt, even if he had to get worse before he got better.

 _I hope you can forgive me._

* * *

"I-I don't get it?" Winry stammered. She had been frozen during the whole encounter, and only now was her shock begining to fade. Ever since the mask had shattered and revealed Ed, everything had gone numb. One shock after another had frozen her to the spot. _All I could do was watch... But... What was that? I'm sick of being left in the dark. It's only fair that I get told something now!_

Still trembling, Winry turned and looked at where Al was still crouched in the snow, and the girl who was leaning heavily on the side of the cave. It took a second for Winry to recognise the girl as Lan Fan. She had spent several days in the same hotel room when they were waiting for Ed to come back. But she'd had to eyes then. What had _happened_ to her? Why didn't anyone tell her _anything_?

"How did he survive the knife to the head? Why was an escaped criminal calling him 'Boss'? What did you mean by he's driving himself insane? What happened to Lan Fan's eye? Why does he think he's a monster?" Winry was left gasping for breath as all the questions she badly wanted, no _needed_ answering hovered in the air.

"Well," Lan Fan said slowly, "she does have a right to know."

"Well... Where do I start? You know the Philosopher's Stone that brother and I are looking for? Well, we found out how to make one?" Al began.

Winry gasped, but something in Al's tone clued her in. He wasn't happy, he sounded bitter, if anything, so she just gestured for him to continue.

"It's made out of human souls, Winry," Al sighed, hearing her muffled gasp, "and we went to investigate a place where they may have been made. There were other suits of armour like me, and then later, the homunculi turned up."

"Who are the homunculi?" Winry asked quietly, wondering why there was a sinking feeling in her stomach.

"Well... A homunculus seems human, but it has a Philosopher's Stone as a core and won't die, no matter how many times it's killed." Al said sadly, and suddenly, Winry understood, or at least she thought she did, but for once, she really hoped she was wrong.

With growing dread, she asked, "is Ed a homunculus? I don't understand..."

Al nodded. "Apparently, when brother ran into Hohenheim, he was nearly killed and then Hohenheim turned him into a homunculus... I don't know what happened exactly, but all I know is that Hohenheim was the one who did it." Al looked at the floor, staring at the spot Ed had been kneeling.

"I guess he started thinking of himself as a monster. Ling and I didn't help. We thought he was Envy at first." Lan Fan admitted quietly. Al turned to stare at her, and Winry realised that he probably didn't know this.

"I'll fill you in on what I know." Lan Fan told them, her voice barely above a whisper. "In Gluttony's stomach, Envy managed to attack Ed and destroyed his arm... It regenerated... My Prince and I got there eventually but not soon enough. The same thing happened when we escaped from Gluttony's stomach. When we escaped from the underground place, the Young Lord revealed that he had stolen a Philosopher's Stone. He instructed me to remain and assist Edward as a way of repaying a debt. I helped hm break Kimblee out of prison and fought alongside them here." She spoke softly and quickly, not looking at either of them.

 _All that... happened to Ed? Why... Why wasn't I there? Why didn't he tell me? I could've done... Something, anything! I just don't want to watch anymore..._

 _Why can't I be there for someone for once?_

"I'm sorry." Lan Fan bowed her head. "I should have seen what was happening sooner and stopped it."

"It's not your fault." Al said, and Winry was sure right then that Al was smiling slightly. As sad smile, but it was like he was trying to reassure the Xingese girl. A smile that never showed through his face, but through his voice. _He's staying so strong. Even though he must feel so guilty and sad... Even though I can't be there for Ed, I can help Al._

 _Then, when I can be there for Ed, I'll help him the best I can._


	21. Chapter 21

"How long are you going to do this for?" Pride snarled. Ed breifly thought that it was weird that the shadows didn't seem to have a body or anything like a puppet master... If they did, then that person was well hidden.

"What, are you getting bored?" Ed asked mockingly. He didn't know how much time had passed since he had run away from his Brother and Winry. They had found the tunnels, and Ed hadn't seen the sky since. He missed the stars. No matter how much he changed, the stars were always the same. He missed what they stood for.

"That means we aren't doing are job well enough." Kimblee sighed dramatically, using his alchemy to explode Sloth, who staggered from the sheer force of the explosion.

"We'll have to give you a full refund." Kimblee howled with laughter, not giving Sloth time to recover before mercilessly attacking again.

Ed rolled his eyes. "So overdramatic." _But despite what he said, we've delayed the tunnels for long enough. Pride is right... We can't keep this up forever. I might not need food, water or sleep, but Kimblee can't be in good shape after having so few breaks..._

 _Why do I feel sorry for him? They're basic human rights! Oh yeah..._

 _I don't need any of those anymore._

Ed didn't let any of this show on his face and merely ducked under the shadows, kicking the ones that slid on the floor underneath him viciously, straight in the glaring crimson eye.

"You really are interesting, Edward Elric." Pride snapped, and for once the echoing voice wasn't mocking. "You can use alchemy, yet you're a homunculus. You have regeneration, yet you keep your automail. Still, none of that changes the fact you're a pain to deal with." The voice echoed off the dull walls of the tunnel, making it impossible to guess where the speaker was.

"I'm taking that as a compliment." Ed grinned, mind racing with formulas that he could use to impale the shadows, or stop them.

"I have one last question for you. You can't continue this battle forever, so what will you do once you're forced to stop?" Ed hated that voice. Cold, mocking and always so arrogant.

"No idea." Ed lied, swining his arm at the shadows again, only for his target to move away teasingly. _I know... I have half the theory on how to get rid of my stone, but... I need to finish it. Then, Al, Winry, everyone... I promise I'll come back._

"Well, you're not going to have much time to think about it," The shadows started weaving around each other, Ed scowled as he tried to figure out what this new tactic was, "because this game is about to end."

* * *

Al waited nervously near a run down house, crouched under come cover with May next to him. He, Winry, Armstrong and Lan Fan had stayed in the cave for several days, mostly while Armstrong recovered, but Al would be the first to admit that they were all waiting, hoping that Ed would turn up.

Eventually, they had given up, and Al remembered the look of regret and betray on Lan Fan's face as she realised Ed wouldn't be coming back.

"I really messed up." She'd sighed sadly, burrying her face in her hands.

"Don't say that... But, Lan Fan, if you don't mind... What is brother doing?" Al had asked, worry pouring into his tone.

Her next words still haunted him now.

 _Going after the homunculi in this area... Only brother would think of something that stupid... It's... Well, maybe it isn't so dangerous anymore... I mean he pulled that knife out of his head and that was it healed... Then again, his only ally is Kimblee... Maybe it's even more dangerous. Brother, what are you doing? What's going on in your head right now?_

"Are you ready? He's nearly here." May whispered, smiling reassuringly at him, thinking he was worried about the fact their target was drawing closer. The sudden rush of compassion made Al think back to what had happened after they left the cave.

They had wanted to go and look for Ed and Kimblee, but Armstrong had lectured them in his horribly loud lecture voice, saying that they needed to go and inform the Briggs troops that there was a dangerous criminal nearby.

The three had decided not to tell the military officer about Ed's condition. He didn't know, he'd been knocked out for the entire thing and if Al had any say in it, he would never find out. Despite how badly Al had wanted to believe that the man would keep their secret, they had no way of knowing if he'd tell his sister everything.

So they'd kept silent and merely followed silently behind Armstrong as he talked their way into meeting with his sister in the middle of a blizzard. So they ended up meeting the older Armstrong, Olivier. None of them commented on the fear they felt, or the fact that Olivier Mira Armstrong was downright terrifying.

Still, she was sharp and perceptive and had caught onto her brother's code quickly enough, and before any of them knew it, they were standing in her office, alone except for her two most trusted subordinates.

"Well," she had growled, "talk!"

Needless to say, she had been furious about her brother bringing not one, not two, but _three_ people who weren't involved in the military to her fort. She had questioned them there and then in front of Armstrong, and when all three of them refused to talk, she'd sent everyone out the room and tried again.

"Why are you here?" She had demanded coldly, glaring at them.

"How do you know we can trust you?" Lan Fan had snapped back with equal venom in her tone.

"Obey the strong. That is the only law here in Briggs. Everyone here has things they'd rather keep hidden. I've kept their secrets and I'll keep yours." She had said, sternly but not unkindly.

Lan Fan had hesitated, then decided that it'd be better to have Oliver as an ally than an enemy.

"I was assisting Edward Elric." She'd said quickly. Oliver raised an eyebrow, but Al butted in before she could talk.

"My brother is a homunculus." He blurted, and he didn't even have time to regret his words before Olivier smirked. She knew what a homunculus was, Armstrong had just explained it to her.

"He isn't evil or anything. He'd never ally with the guys in Central!" Al assured her quickly, but her smirk only grew.

"Well... He would make an interesting ally... Where is he now? Or were you searching for him?" She asked with a smug grin.

"Searching for him." Winry had supplied quickly, making her raise an eyebrow.

"Very well... I hope this will turn out to be beneficial. You can stay, but you'll have to work." She'd said and that had settled it.

* * *

The next days were spent doing useless chores while Winry got to work on a new type of automail. Then groups of soldiers from Central arrived, to deal with the combined threat of Scar and Kimblee. Although they probably weren't working together, they were both still dangerous. These soldiers questioned the Ice Queen's authority, something which annoyed her to no end. Then, while Al had gone to look in the North's library, he had accidently run into May...

The somehow ended up as part of an uneasy alliance between Scar's group and Olivier's forces as they struggled to crack the code on Scar's brother's notes, and avoid being caught by the troops that just seemed to keep on increasing in numbers.

"Alphonse, are you ready?" May whispered, jolting the suit of armour out of his thoughts.

"Yeah, sorry!" Al mumbled guiltily. This was no time to be spacing out! They had lured here, and now they were planning on attacking him. May nodded, and from then onwards, he focused only on alchemy, and the little alkahestry he knew. It was familar, and to some degree, reassuring. _Just like with Brother... Brother..._

An image of Envy laughing, covered in his brother's blood flahsed through Al's mind. He remembered the look on his brother's face and a second later, Envy was sent flying by a particually nasty explosion.

Al turned away as he heard Envy snarl something and Dr Marco yelling. He had to trust the doctor here. _He won't lose. He's stronger than that. He know's a lot about Philosopher's stones. Wait! Maybe he knows how to help Brother! But does Brother want to be cured? Is he happy? No... I don't think so... He was crying the last time I saw him..._

* * *

Al stared at the small creature in the jar. _This_ was Envy's true form. Ugly. Al glared at it, hatred shining in his soulfire eyes. The sin seemed to notice his gaze and turned around to face him, and if possible, it smirked.

"How's your brother?" Envy's voice echoed of the jar and was strangely high pitched, but it still made Al flinch.

Everyone fell silent, and stared at Envy, who seemed to enjoy the attention.

"You wouldn't know, would you? Last I heard from Pride, he's completely lost it..." The homunculus sneered. Al stared in horror. _Brother... What happened? Is he okay? Why... Why did I ever let him go alone with Kimblee? Why didn't I look for him? Brother, what happened to you?_

"What do you mean?" Al demanded, stepping closer to the jar.

"His little ally betrayed him." Envy laughed, and that was enough to make Al stumble away. _No... Brother... Why?!_

"Oh, and how's the guy who stole Greed's stone doing?" Envy continued, turning to look at Lan Fan who glared back.

"On his way to Xing. That stone is his proof of immortality." She snapped.

"Xing... Immortaility..." May whispered, tears brimming in her eyes. Al took a second to understand. She had been a part of the race, and now she'd just realised that it was too late. She'd failed, and all the hopes of her clan were crashing down around her.

With a sob, she raced outside, and Al hesitated for less than a second before following her.

May had collapsed in the snow, Shao May curled beside her. Al slowly sat down next to them, and wrapped a heavy metal arm around her shoulders. She paused then burried her head in her hands, then leaned against his side and sobbed. They sat there, offering silent comfort to each other, because they'd just both lost everything. Al, hating more than ever that he couldn't cry, let the snow fall down instead of tears.

* * *

 _How... How did this happen?_

Ed stared numbly at his leg. It shouldn't... It shouldn't be like that. How... How did everything change so quickly.

Mere seconds ago, he had been fighting Pride with _him_. Then all of a sudden, everything had lunged forward, but not at him. He'd frozen in place before begining to struggle furiously against the shadows holding him in place, while slowly, _he_ had been swallowed by the shadows, teeth flashing in the darkness.

"Something to remember me by, boss!" Kimblee had raised a hand in a salute, his palm suddenly flashing with light, and before he could register what was happening, his leg exploded just as Kimblee was swallowed.

But it wasn't his flesh leg. There had been a familiar, satisfied _pulse_ and suddenly, his automail was _flesh._ The shards of his metal leg lay scattered around him. He now had both his legs back... _It felt so wrong!_

 _What about my promise? I... I betrayed Al... How could I?_

 _I'm a horrible older brother. I'm a monster... What about my promise to go back? I can't, anymore... I broke our promise... Monster..._

 _Kimblee... Why would he do that?_

Ed felt rage stir inside him. Kimblee. This was his fault. _But he's dead... Pride ate him, and now I can't even get my revenge..._

 _Wait!_

 _Pride ate Kimblee! Not killed him, ate him! Kimblee now lives on as part of Pride! So if I kill Pride..._

 _Kimblee dies as well! That's perfect! Two birds with one stone! Watch out, Kimblee, Pride, because I'm not stopping until you're dead._

Ed rose to his feet, unsteady on his new leg, but it was almost exactly like his metal one... "I," he snarled, glaring at Pride, eyes blazing with rage, hatred and something _else,_ "am going to _destroy_ you."


	22. Chapter 22

Roy groaned. He'd just had a horrible long day of work and passing on notes about Selim's true identity. Not to mention, though he'd never admit it, he was worried about the Elric brothers.

 _Those stupid boys. I haven't seen them since the incident with Gluttony. I hope they got out of that alright, but it's too much to hope they stayed out of trouble... Why didn't I stop them? Stop it, Roy, you're not their father._

He groaned and rubbed his neck. He'd been hunched over paperwork all day, and he was getting cramps in his shoulders now. All this waiting was stressing him out. He prefered the sweat and burn of field work any day. Not to mention he'd been more overloaded than ever now Kimblee had somehow escaped. _Kimblee, that insane bastard. I'm suprised he hasn't gone on a killing spree yet. What is he doing?_

"Hello, Colonel Roy Mustang." A chilling voice made him freeze, and slowly he turned around, hand reaching into his pockets and grabbing his gloves.

"Who are you?" He tried to keep his voice cool and full of authority.

"Oh, my bad, I don't believe we had the _pleasure_ of meeting." It sounded like a child's voice, but the tone was so cold and malicious, that Roy knew that it didn't belong to a child. He finally met the pair or red eyes that were staring at him from an alley drenched in shadows.

His eyes widened as the small form of a child stepped towards him, shadows pooling at it's feet, and a jolt of horror passed through him as he recognised Selim Bradely.

"Judging by your reaction, you know who I am." Roy glared, breifly thinking about how unnatural that smirk seemed on a child's face.

"Yes. Homunculus." Roy spat, and the figure laughed.

"Mock us all you like, but a human like you could never hope to defeat a homunculus." Selim mocked him with a sneer.

"This is what you really look like, you little shit." A new voice interrupted, and Roy thought that it sounded familiar, but he couldn't place who it belonged to.

A small figure, who had been crouched on a roof above jumped down so suddenly that neither Roy nor Selim had time to react.

In fact, Roy was so stunned, he could only stare at Edward, and realise all the changes. His usual vibrant coat was replaced with a long black coat, but the ends were torn and fluttered behind him, a crude reminder of all the fights it had clearly been through. His hair was matted, and had several red streaks in it, and something told Roy that it wasn't Edward's blood. There were dark circles under his eyes... His eyes blazed with rage, and if Roy didn't know better, he's say Ed looked insane. Then there were the weapons on Ed's belt, along with the usual chain of his pocket watch. Roy couldn't even begin to wonder why he needed weapons that looked like they had come from Xing. _What kind of trouble has he been in? And where's his brother? Jeez Ed, what are you doing?_

"You followed me all the way here?" Roy noticed that if possible, the homunculus sounded shocked

"Shut up!" Edward snarled, and Roy was shocked by the sheer hatred in the boy's tone. He could only watch numbly as his subordinate flew at the homunculus, ducking and weaving through the shadows with such a practiced ease that Roy realised he'd clearly done it before.

 _Fighting this thing? Is that what he was doing? Damn it! Why didn't he tell me? I could have helped!_

"It wasn't even me who destroyed you leg!" The homunculus yelled, narrowly avoiding having an automail blade shoved through his skull.

 _Destroyed his leg? What the hell? Does that mean both of his legs are automail now? Stupid! I should've protected them, talked them out of it! How did he even lose his leg? If it wasn't this guy, then who was it? Damn it, I feel so useless..._

"Hold still and let me kill you!" Ed snarled, finally succeeding in stabbing the homunculus.

It was oddly beautfiful, Roy thought, the way Ed avoided the shadows, almost like he was dancing, and he missed less and less. Why? Why wasn't Ed hesitating like killing like he normally did? What had _happened_ to the boy who used to insist on the value of life? What a soul meant?

* * *

Roy kept on waiting for an opening where he could use his flames, but Ed was fighting at such close quaters, he didn't want to risk it. He'd never forgive himself if he actually hit an innocent kid. It wasn't like Ed could regenerate like the homunculus could, anything that would just injure Selim would kill Ed.

Things actually seemed to be going Ed's way, as he seemed to be getting away with only small cuts, but Roy couldn't see them, but he supposed he wouldn't see blood very well in the poor light, especially on black clothes. Then something odd happened. A shadow snaked it's way towards Ed's automail, and when the blonde alchemist noticed, instead of blocking it with his metal arm as he usually would, he moved his flesh arm so quickly Roy barely saw it happen. The shadow stabbed into Ed's arm, and all Roy could do was stare at the blood.

"Fullmetal!" Roy yelled, because if he yelled out Ed's name, it would be showing that he cared more than he should, showing that he'd come to think of the boy as more like a son than as his subordinate, because _he was just a child._ He was getting hurt, and what was Roy doing? Being useless. _Come on..._

 _I have to do something! He's getting hurt!_

Yet it seemed Ed was one step ahead of him. The blade on his automail flashed out and cut through the shadow. Ed hissed in pain and clutched his injured arm and then Roy saw something that he'd never forget.

Red sparks, just like the ones that healed Selim mere seconds ago flashed around Ed's arm, healing the wound, and the only trace that he had even been hit was the tear in Ed's sleeve. _How? How is he healing? That shouldn't be possible! Unless... But there's no way Fullmetal is a homunculus! He was there all that time, fighting against them! He can't be one of them... But how else would he be healing?_

 _Still, if he's fighting against Selim, it's safe to assume that he isn't evil._

Ed had turned to stare at Roy, and his eyes had widened with horror, then he had blinked, and his expression became guarded and he had turned away, facing Selim.

"Say Pride, I must have killed you a lot now." Ed snarled, voice brimming with rage.

"Yes." Selim, who was revealed to be Pride spat, wiping some blood away from his mouth. "And I want to know why you're still coming after me. Your ally is dead, Sloth is still digging the tunnels in the North, if you wanted to stop our plans, you're failing miserably." The sin snarled, glaring at Edward.

"No. My 'ally' is a part of your stone now, unless I'm wrong and his soul didn't go there. If I kill you, I kill him." Ed explained.

" _That's_ the logic you're going with?" Selim laughed mockingly. "You really have lost it, and _everyone_ knows now!" Roy had finally had enough and snapped his fingers.

Pride was surrounded by fire, and let out a horrible scream as he was burned. Ed scrambled away, and the fire just kept on coming. Roy wouldn't stop for anything, and the shadows were too busy trying to protect Selim to do anything about him.

Roy stopped, for an instant, just to see how much damage he had inflicted on the homunculus. Ed siezed his chance and raced forward, swinging his automail at the still wheezing homunculus. He ducked underneath the flailing shadows, finally landing a solid hit on Pride.

The homunculus staggered away, clutching the wound Ed had just made. It had clealy been a fatal blow, but it wasn't healing. Did that mean that... he was dead?

Pride gasped, and as his shadows began to fade, and his body slowly crumbled. In his last moments, his glare softened, and Roy could faintly hear him say.

"I'm glad... I had a mother." With the faintest smile on his face as the last of him faded away into nothingness.

Roy swallowed, and stared at Ed, taking in the insane grin on Ed's face, and his tight grip on one of his legs, which was completely contradicted by the shaking of his shoulders, and the tears glistening in his eyes. Somehow, he thought he knew what he needed to say, because he realised that the boy had probably never heard these words when he needed them the most.

"Honestly Fullmetal," Roy shook his head with a tired smirk as he walked over to the boy, "you haven't changed a bit."


	23. Chapter 23

Ed was shaking as he stepped away from Pride. He felt weak, all of a sudden, and he couldn't figure out what he was feeling.

 _I... I should be happy, right? I mean, I killed a homunculus, and I killed Kimblee at the same time! I avenged my promise. My broken promise... I'm smiling, aren't I? So why? Why am I not happy?_

 _Is it because I killed someone? Is some part of me even able to feel regret? But I'm a monster. I changed... I became a monster, like everyone would see me as. I teamed up with Kimblee! A mass killer! I laughed as I helped! Why... Why am I so affected? Surely one kill doesn't mean this much..._

 _Is it because it makes me a monster? Is it because it's another thing I can't walk away from?_

"Honestly Fullmetal, you haven't changed a bit." _What? What is he saying? Doesn't he know? He saw! He saw what I am, what I did! Why isn't he scared or angry... I don't get it!_

"What do you mean?" Ed croaked. _Please... Just don't give me false hope... It hurts more than reality._

"Going after a homunculus with next to no backup. Really, Fullmetal? Do you have any idea how much paperwork that would be if you died." Roy complained, acting as if nothing had _happened_. Ed blinked, wondering if Roy really was just that stupid or if he was trying to be nice.

And if he was being nice, Why? Roy was an insufferable arsehole most of the time. Why would he bother pretending?

"Why?" Ed whispered, backing away. "You saw-"

"This isn't the time or the place, Fullmetal." Roy interrupted. "There's a safe house nearby here. We'll talk there." Ed wiped away his tears with his automail arm, secretly comforted by the familar feeling of steel. _At least not everything is lost..._

* * *

"Well, I think you have some explaining to do, Fullmetal." Roy said, although his voice wasn't as harsh as it usually was as he slapped the mugs of coffee down in front of them.

"Where do you want me to start?" Ed asked dully. _Will this just be another betrayal? Will he call me a monster and try to kill me? I'd deserve it..._

Roy shrugged, with a small smile, probably remembering all the fights they'd had. "How about the begining."

"I met with Hohenheim when I was in Reesembool after the Ross incident." Ed supplied, struggling to keep his voice flat. The only thing that gave Roy's suprise away was the slight widening of his eyes, and Ed was completely shocked by the swift sympathetic pat on the shoulder he recieved. He told himself that it was the shock that stopped him from talking about what happened next immediately. Not his reluctance. It was where everything started to go wrong. _Still running._

"What happened next?" Roy prompted gently. Ed shook his head furiously, trying to rid himself of Envy's words.

"Envy turned up and shot me." Ed spat, and this time, Roy wasn't able to disguise the shock on his face. Ed continued, not wanting to give Roy a chance to speak, because any sympathy or kindness now would only make the rejection later hurt more, and Ed didn't think he could handle that.

"And the bastard thought it'd be a good idea to bring me back as a homunculus." Ed blurted. He looked away so he didn't have to see Roy's face. _Even though he saw, it must be hard to believe..._

"Since then?" Roy breathed, and Ed could tell that he was thinking of all the times homunculi had been called monsters in front of him.

Ed shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I think it too."

Roy suddenly stood up, startling Ed with his sudden movement, and roughly grabbed him by his shoulders.

"Don't think that about yourself. You're not a monster, Ed!" Roy yelled, forcing Ed to look him in the eye. Ed realised with a jolt how angry Roy was, and that the Colonel was actually genuinely concerned. _I... I didn't think that... he actually cared. But, he wanted to know everything, so that's what I'll tell him..._

"Really? But... I broke Kimblee out of prision... I ran away from Al and Winry when I could've talked to them... Every time I'm killed, a soul is used to heal me... A soul, Colonel. Someone's life, gone because of me. I'm a murderer..." Ed hadn't realised he was crying until his shoulders began to shake. "B-but I don't want to kill anymore... I want to stop being a monster."

Roy silently shook his head and hugged Ed, holding the sobbing boy close.

"You're not a monster Ed. You made some mistakes, but that makes you human. The fact you regret it shows that you're not one of them."

 _'One of us'... but I'm not? How can I trust him? What if he turns out to be like Kimblee? Stop it, Ed! This is the Colonel Bastard. He may be an arse, but I can trust him!_

As Ed cried, he wondered if this was what it was like to have a father.

* * *

"Shit! It fell out!" Ed yelped, staring at his automail in horror. _No... Nononononononono... This can't be happening! If it breaks then it's game over... I can't keep the promise I made to Al... No! I'm a monster... A monster... Insane... No! Monster!_

"Ed! Ed, can you hear me?" Distantly Ed could hear Roy yelling at him, and his panicked gaze eventually locked onto Roy's pale face.

"Come on, Ed, breathe with me." Roy told him, letting out a relieved sigh at the faint sign of recognition. Eventually Ed saw through his haze of panic and began to breathe in time with Roy, and his breathing soon became regular.

"W-what happened?" Ed asked after he had calmed down.

"You were hyperventilating." Roy told him.

"Oh... What are we going to do about that?" Ed numbly pointed at the screw on the floor.

Roy sighed. "We'll have to call a mechanic. Don't worry, it doesn't have to be Winry."

Ed took a deep breath and shook his head. "No. I want it to be Winry... And if possilbe, Al too... Please..." He trailed off, looking at the floor.

Roy looked at him with the concern that Ed still wasn't used to. "Are you sure?" _Relax. I can trust Roy._

"Yeah... I... I need to stop running." Ed gave Roy a weak smile, trying to give the impression of confidence. _I have to face them eventually... I can do this._

"Well okay." Roy said uncertainly. "I'll make the call. You should sleep."

"Maybe I should talk to them." Ed said quietly, and Roy took one look at him, pale and shaking, with unbearable guilt written all over his face, and shook his head.

Roy shook his head. "You look like crap. Sleep." _See? Still Roy._

"No worse than you." Ed scowled, and made a rude hand gesture as he stomped over the one room that had a sofa he could sleep. As he flopped onto the soft surface, he wondered when the last time he'd had a good, proper sleep, and realised with a muffled sense of shock that he hadn't since breaking Kimblee out of prision. He smiled, before he fell asleep and when he woke up the next day, he wouldn't remember why.

* * *

Winry jumped when she heard the phone ring. They had spent the day huddled in the safe house, trying to question that _thing,_ Envy, but the worm-like creature had remained stubbornly silent.

 _He's completely lost it. But Ed's stronger than that. He's fine. He has to be. I can't just give up on him and think otherwise!_

Winry shook her head. Falman had said that only people they trusted had this number, so it wouldn't hurt to answer it. _Maybe it's Ed! Wait, he wouldn't have this number..._

"Hello?" She asked, forcing the disappointment from her tone. _It's not him..._

"This is Roy Mustang. Who's speaking?" The distantly familar voice sounded quiet and full of authority, and Winry distantly remembered Ed complaining about him.

"Winry. Winry Rockbell." She said, and she realised that she had been gripping the phone so tightly at the thought of Ed that her knuckles had turned white.

"That's good to hear. I have a customer who needs help." He said, and Winry thought that the man almost sounded sad.

"Sure. What's their name?" She asked, hating the way her heart jumped at the thought of it being Ed.

"Edward Elric." Roy said softly, and the phone clattered out of her grip.


	24. Chapter 24

"Are you okay Ed?" Roy asked, with more concern that nearly made Ed flinch, because the only other person that had sounded like... like _that_ recently was Lan Fan, and she had thrown a knife at him and revealed himself in front of his Al and Winry. Even though some small logical part of him knew that she had done it because she was s _cared_ and she wanted to help him, but the raw betrayal and fear still hadn't faded. _Monster! No- stop it! You're not..._

Al and Winry... _I can't believe I did that... What if... What if they hate me? No... No! They wouldn't!_

 _Monster._

"Ed! Calm down." Roy told him, firmly taking the young boy by the shoulders. Ed flinched and nodded.

"I'm calm, Colonel Bastard." Ed snapped, and as if the insult had helped take his mind off things, Ed's breathing slowed and his eyes came into focus.

"Yeah right. You're about as calm as you are tall." Roy rolled his eyes.

"Who are you calling small?" Ed snarled, his one moving hand reaching towards his weapons.

"Can you actually use those?" Roy asked, nodding at the several daggers and nunchucks on Ed's belt.

"Well enough." Ed shrugged. "I haven't had to actually use them yet. I always had... Kimblee watching my back." Ed paused when he said the Crimson Alchemist's name, feeling the familar surge of hatred, sickening satisfaction and something wild that Ed liked to call insanity. _Insanity... Am I going insane? Monster- no! I have to stop going backwards! B-but why am I meeting Al and Winry if..._

 _I'm a monster!_

* * *

Distantly, Ed heard a knock on the door that was nearly drowned out by the wild beating of his heart. It felt like his entire body was brimming with that _energy_ again. It was like when he'd first become a homunculus, but he'd become used to this now. Was it because for a second, he'd felt human?

"He's in here." He heard Roy say. _No! I can't face them! I can't!_

"Ed?" Winry breathed, staring at him, and Ed turned and met her gaze. The energy had only increased and everything, all of his instincts, were screaming for him to run away. To protect them. _Keep them safe... I can't... They can't know what I'm really like. Lie... To protect._

"W-Winry." Ed managed. "I-I'm sorry." _I have to lie again._

"You idiot!" She wailed, flinging herself at him, hugging him tightly. His arms stayed still at his sides for a while, before he hesitantly hugged her back. "I wish I could've helped... I'm sorry, Ed!" She sniffed, hugging him tightly.

"Don't worry, Winry. It was my own fault anyway." Ed shrugged, with the one shoulder he could move.

"Don't say that!" She sobbed, "y-you idiot!" _I... made her cry... Again. Is this where lying got me? But... I can't see any other way._

"B-brother?" Al asked timidly. He was standing by the doorway where Winry had been standing seconds ago.

"Al?" Ed could only stare at the trembling suit of armour, thinking of everything he wanted to say. _I'm sorry! Al, please... I'm so, so sorry. For not telling you. For being able to lie again. For leaving instead of listening. For becoming a monster. Al..._

"Do you hate me?" Al blurted, and Ed gasped, not expecting the question at all.

"No, why would you think that? I could never hate you!" Ed yelled, then paused, and said quietly, "I hate myself. For everything."

The entire room had fallen silent after Ed's outburst, so his whisper was heard clearly by everyone.

"Brother, no!" Al cried, and the raw desperation and sorrow in his tone hit Ed like a ton of bricks. _They shouldn't have heard that! Damn it all... How can I keep lying? How can I keep it hidden?_

"It doesn't matter, Al. Forget I said anything." Ed said quickly, trying to do something, _anything_ to change what he just said.

"It does matter. You were left alone with Kimblee and who knows what happened to you? Envy... Envy said you were insane!" Al blurted.

 _How did Envy know? Wait... Did Pride..._

"Apparently, Kimblee betrayed you." Al continued, voice trembling.

 _Damn it. Why didn't I kill him sooner? No- stop thinking like that!_

Ed let out a nervous laugh. "I can explain that later, but I'd really like to be able to move my arm again!" _So I can escape if I need to._

Winry gave him a look that told him that he was no where near safe and sighed. "Ed, I can't look at it properly if you're wearing about ten layers. Shirt off now." She turned bright red at her last statement but managed to sound proffesional all the same.

 _They'll see the tattoo... What does it matter? Al's already seen it, or at least knows it's there, and Winry won't know what it means._

Ed shifted uncomfortably as both Winry and Al stared at the red symbol on his chest.

"That's an ouroboros, right?" Winry asked, making Ed freeze. _What the hell? How?_

"How do you know that?" He asked, forcing his tone to stay flat.

"Al told me... Everything." She admitted quietly, and Ed froze. _I guess... I should've seen it coming._

"Sorry brother..." Al said miserably.

"Don't worry about it." _I lost control of the truth, and now everyone knows. Everyone knows..._

 _What I am... Am I a monster? Insane? Both? Definitely one of them._

"Can you fix it?" Ed asked after a tense silence.

"Yeah. I might need to remove it, though." Winry muttered, prodding the arm in places it looked broken, trying to assess the damage.

"Don't!" Ed yelped in fear. _No! I can't do that! Not to Al. I can't break the promise! I've already broken half of it... And that's all I have left. I can't lose anything else..._

"It'll hurt if I work on it still attached. Ed, it would be better if I removed it." Winry said cautiously, taken aback by his outburst, and he could see the badly hidden curiousity written all over her face, mixed with concern.

"I don't care. Whatever you do, don't remove it." He said through gritted teeth, not wanting to say anything else, not wanting to give anything away. _How do I tell Al about our promise? How can I tell him that it's all my fault?_

"Okay... Why?" Winry asked. Ed made an effort to wipe his face of any emotion and ignored her.

Ed thought that he had done a pretty good job of pretending that nothing had changed and nearly melted with relief when Winry announced she was finished.

* * *

"Thanks Winry." He said with a sheepish grin. Al had remained silent the whole time but didn't seem to be too suspicious. _Keep acting._

"No problem. Do you want me to look at your leg?" She asked cheerfully, but Ed suspected that she was acting to hide her concern. _My leg..._

"No!" Ed yelled, scrambling away. "My leg is absolutely fine," _no, it's wrong. It shouldn't be flesh, not yet,_ "so there's no need for you to look at it." _And see what a monster I am._

"Really Ed? You've never been careful before. I need to check on it." Winry said sternly, but Ed wasn't stupid and head the worry underneath her anger.

"It's fine. Trust me, Winry, there's nothing wrong." Ed said quickly, still backing away.

"I can't Ed." Ed froze at those words. She couldn't trust him? He couldn't blame her. "You'd lie to protect us. Something could be badly wrong, and neither me nor Al want to be in the dark."

"Yeah! We want to help. We want to be there for you." Al said honestly. Their trust nearly broke Ed's heart, because he wanted so badly to just _lie_ and take their pain away, but in the end, it'd only hurt them more. _What do I do?_

Ed glanced at Roy, who was staring at him, eyes wide, and lips soundlessly moving to form the words 'your leg'. Roy must've heard what Pride said... Maybe it hadn't hit him so far because of everything else, but he'd realised was it, game over, if he didn't tell them, Roy would. He'd lost.

Ed laughed bitterly. "You're right not to trust me. I'm just a monster who can't stop falling into insanity. A monster who can't keep one promise, even to his brother." He couldn't help the smile as he lifted his trouser leg so they could all see his mistake, the thing that made him a monster, but it shouldn't have, it really, really shouldn't have felt so _good_. But everything was coming clear now, they could see the real him, and there were no more _lies_. All the chains he'd put on himself were falling away. In that one moment , he'd never felt so light, like all the lies were leaving.

Then he looked at the ground, unable to look any of them in the eye. Because the truth hurt. More than the lies. If the truth was a knife, then he'd just stabbed all of them. But what did it matter?

They'd wanted the truth, and more lies would hurt more? Ed didn't meet any of their eyes, or look at their faces as he walked from the room. He wondered if they'd go after him again. He couldn't go too far. He had to come back for his research... But right now, he wanted to be alone.

Just like he deserved.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N Hi! Again, I haven't done one of these in a while, whoops! There are a couple of things I need to mention, mostly the fact that I didn't make this clear enough, but the curfew mentioned later on in the chapter is the reason no one heard or interrupted Ed and Pride's fight. Also, I'm really sorry about this, but I won't be posting as often. There will still hopefully be at least be one chapter per week, so I hope that the wait won't be too long.**

 **As usual, I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, and I hope you enjoy the chapter.**

* * *

Al hated silence. Silence seemed to represent everything he hated. Long, lonely nights, where there seemed to be no sign of dawn, no sign of hope, just him and the darkness. Silence, whenever his brother would lie pale and stiff on a hospital bed, from their latest battle with someone, or _something_. Silence in the place of tears. And more and more recently, silence as his brother walked away from him, footsteps fading into nothing.

Silence in the place of things he should've said.

Now he was drowing in the silence. Al found it, in some horrible way, ironic, that he'd spent so long wishing for the truth, and now that he'd got it, it had left him alone in the thing he despised. _Brother... Has his leg back? And... didn't tell me? Why?_

 _Does he blame himself? No!_

 _This isn't his fault! Damn it! I just_ know _he's blaming himself._

 _Brother!_

Al stood up quickly, and started walking away. _Brother... You don't have to be alone anymore! I'm coming! Please, just wait for me! I'm coming..._

"Are you going after him?" Winry whispered, voice shaking with shock.

"Yes." Alphonse said stiffly, as if he wasn't sure what else to say. He could hear the raw hurt in her voice, and Al wished that he could say something, anything to ease her pain, but right now, he had to go and find his brother. Because last time, he had been too late. Last time he had left too much unsaid. Last time... Last time, he'd failed. But not now, because someone had to show Ed that it wasn't too late. That he didn't have to be alone anymore.

* * *

Winry watched Al leave the safe house. She stared at the armour's retreating form, feeling the usual pain of being left behind. It was something cold, a gaping hole in her heart, because so much of her hated, was destroyed by, the sight of someone's back. Because they never looked back. Because it was somehow so, so much more painful than saying goodbye. Because some small part of her always told her that they weren't coming back. Her parents. Al... Ed...

Why couldn't they just _trust_ her? She had always been left in the dark. Always lied to...

So why? _Why does the truth hurt so much? This is what I wanted... No more lies! But what I did to get the truth..._

 _'Trust me, Winry. There's nothing wrong!'_

 _'I can't.'_

 _How much did those words hurt him? How much damage did I do? I can't believe I actually said that..._

 _'I hate myself. For everything.'_

A single tear rolled down Winry's cheek. _Another broken promise. These aren't tears of joy... But I just can't be happy... Because..._ Winry slowly slid to the ground, hugging her kness to her chest as she stared into the dark corners of the room, her normally bright blue eyes clouded and unseeing as she continued to cry. _Because every time I try to hold on to something- to him... I only push it further away._

* * *

Al carried on running, desperately scanning the streets for any sign of his brother. It hadn't been that long since he'd left, Ed couldn't be too far away, but every second seemed to stretch on forever, and the distance between them suddenly seemed overwhelming. Al, despite his massive metal body, suddenly felt very small.

* * *

Roy stared at his hands after Al left. In truth, he regretted not going after Ed himself, but he suspected that the boy needed some time with his brother. Besides, he wasn't sure what to think now...

It hadn't sunk in, and after everything, all the chaos, all the adrenaline and comforting Ed, he'd completely forgotten the chilling words of Selim Bradley.

 _'It wasn't me who destroyed your leg.'_ Roy shook his head. _I was too busy wondering how Ed was there and on how he was healing, that I didn't think to ask_ why. _So... Kimblee betrayed him by exploding his leg, then Ed hunted down Pride, because in some way he was living as a soul inside the homunculus._

Roy started replaying the scene in his mind, and now that he knew the reason Ed had been hunting down the homunculus, he realised just how _wrong_ everything was. How Ed had just been so determined. That fight must've destroyed something in Ed. _Even if he didn't realise it..._

Killing someone, anyone, anything for the first time made some small part of you die. Roy knew that better than anyone. In Ishval, he had learnt it the hard way. The emptiness, the way someone would stare at their hands and imagine the blood there. Imagine the faces of those who had known the person who was gone... And it was all your fault. Maybe... Just maybe it was different for a homunculus... They weren't exactly human.

Roy gasped, horrified at his own thoughts. Homunculi weren't monsters. Ed wasn't a monster. Fullmetal was probably hurting in so many ways. Just as he'd been back in Ishval. Now he was being useless again... He'd been right _there_ as Ed had destroyed himself by killing. Right there, and hadn't done a thing. Now all he could do was wait, because he wasn't the person Edward needed to see.

He could only hope that Alphonse would find him in time.

* * *

Ed sat silently on a roof. He didn't know or care who the house he was perched on belonged to. He knew that no one would come outside and chance seeing him. There was a curfew, because of Kimblee's escape from prision. Even though he'd been sighted in the North, the fear of the insane alchemist had plunged the entire city into terror.

Ed shuddered slightly, remembering Kimblee's insane smile... It wasn't how chilling or cruel the grin suddenly seemed, now that he thought back on it. It was the fact that an almost identical smile had been on his face. _I'm insane... If I... I smiled like that... Then maybe there's no hope for me..._

 _I'll have to get my research then... then I'll go somewhere else... Somewhere safe... Somewhere far, far away... So they'll be safe. So I don't have to face them while I'm still like this..._

 _Maybe I'll go back to the begining... You never know, no one would look for me at mum's grave... But would it be bad for me to go there? Me, a monster disrespecting mum by turning up to her grave..._

 _Still, I guess I could go to the ashes where our old house was... That'd actually be oddly fitting._

Ed smiled slightly and looked at the sky. _I can see the stars again. They haven't changed... I'm glad._

He shook his head and began to move almost silently, dropping from the roof and rolling, as he had done when he fell into the tunnels, so the impact didn't break his legs. That would cost someone's soul... _But not for long. I can fix this! Then I'll stil be a monster, because no matter what there'll still be blood on my hands. Kimblee's, Pride's, all the souls... Not just mine, but Pride's Philosopher's stone as well..._

 _I'll never be clean. I'll never stop being a monster. But I'll keep moving, because I still have to fix Al. After that..._

Ed had kept his head down, staring at the cracked stone beneath him, wondering how something so normal could look so lonely and battered in the amber streetlight.

"Brother!" The familar voice called, and he knew that it was his brother... Ed nearly just kept on walking, but he couldn't, because after everything, he just _couldn't_. Something inside him had broken, something he had once called strength, was long, long gone, and although he wanted nothing more than to just keep walking, _Al didn't deserve that._

Instead Ed turned and waited, despite how that energy was back. Despite how much he felt like he was hurting, how scared he was of rejection. He stopped looked at his brother, taking in those soulfire eyes that burned, that he'd missed so much, because, _damn it all_ , Al was still all he had left. Al was still his little brother.

"Al?" He asked, voice hardly more than a whisper, because if he spoke any louder, if this was a dream, it'd all shatter. That'd happened to too many of his hopes recently.

"Brother... You idiot!" Al yelled, his voice full of hurt and betrayal.

"I'm sorry Al." Ed said quietly. "I know, I-"

"Shut up and let me finish!" Al snapped, interrupting Ed and shocking him into silence. Al hardly ever interrupted him. Even before...

Ed nodded silently. No matter what Al said to him, he would listen, because he probably deserved every word. _All those lies... All the running... It all failed._

"This doesn't matter. So what if you got your leg back earlier than planned? It just means we're getting closer!" Al said firmly, and Ed could only stare. _What... What is he saying?_

"Brother... You really are the stupidest person I've ever seen. You're not a monster, you're not insane... You're just an idiot." The suit of armour shook its head fondly.

"But... I lied, so much Al. I left you behind... I killed Pride, all because he had Kimblee's soul..." Ed whispered. "You should hate me."

"I can't hate you, Brother. You should know that by now. And you shouldn't hate yourself either. Especially over something like making progress." Al told him, and offered his large metal hand.

This time, Ed took it.

And the two began to walk back to the people waiting for them, like nothing had changed at all.


	26. Chapter 26

"Hey brother... I'm not going to press for answers." Al told him in a quiet voice, and Ed could only stare because he had never expected Al to say that. They had always told each other _everything._ But still, now, things were different. Things weren't the same, after Ed had done, well, everything.

He could have never hoped for his brother to be so understanding. Even after everything, Al still understood him better than anyone. No answers. No truths that would shatter him, no lies he needed to tell. Just simple understanding, simple waiting. Just _Al,_ the brother he'd missed so much, the brother he would give anything for.

 _Al... Winry... Pinako... Roy- I mean Colonel Bastard and his subordinates... I've still managed to hurt them all... Because I'm a monster. But I'm getting better... I really am._

 _But I'm still a murderer... No!_

"But if you ever want to talk, I'll be here for you." Al said, and Ed _knew_ that somehow, his brother was smiling. Smiling in that reassuring way, that no one ever saw, but it was still _there_. If Al could smile like that, to someone like _him_... _I guess no matter what, I'll have someone watching out for me._

"Thanks Al. That... means a lot." Ed smiled, to show that he knew that Al was there. That he wasn't alone. And that it was the best feeling in the world. _Even after everything... All I've done... Even though I'm a monster... People still care. I don't know why it took me so long to realise..._

 _Maybe it was Al... It's always Al who shows me I'm not what I think I am... Then I suppose Roy helped as well... I'm not going to think about that right now, because there's something else I need to worry about._

"Al... When we get back... I'm going to talk with Winry." Ed admitted with a sigh.

Al nodded wisely, as if knowing that this was coming. Ed watched as Al paused, and as his blazing soulfire eyes narrowed teasingly. "Are you going to tell her how much you love her?" He laughed, and Ed glared at him while his face slowly turned the colour of his coat, well sort of, his old one anyway...

"S-shut up, Al!" Ed yelled, stuttering as the armour laughed. Later, Ed would realise what a good job Al had done at making it feel like nothing had changed at all.

* * *

"Well, brother, I think you should talk to Winry now. She really cares, you know?" Al said anxiously, and was probably wondering the same thing as Ed. _How can she forgive me if I hurt her so much?_

 _Still, I owe it to her to try, even if I don't deserve forgiveness._

"Yeah." Ed nodded, and gave his brother a small, reassuring smile, a ghost of his former grin, and he wondered if it hurt Al, knowing that his brother couldn't smile enough for both of them.

"Go on brother." Al prompted gently, and Ed was suddenly reminded of all the times Al had been there, pushing him forwards, never going back. Always there. _I was blind. So, so blind and so, so stupid, to think that he'd gone._

"She's in the spare room. The one you slept in."Roy said quietly, and Ed nearly jumped in suprise. There was a soft touch on his shoulder, and Ed smiled slightly. Roy was offering his support in a silent way, something that seemed so small, but meant so much. They were there. Roy was _there._ He wasn't seen as a monster. Not here. Not by them. Having Roy care... It felt like what he'd imagine Hohenhiem being proud of him would feel like, but about a million times better.

"Thanks." Ed said quietly, thanking Roy, thanking Al for so much more than helping him know where Winry was. He couldn't quite find the right words to say how _good_ having people who wouldn't judge him, weren't insane and just accpeted him felt.

He slowly walked up the stairs, and knocked on the door, his heart pounding in his chest. He wondered if she'd listen. If he'd get a chance to talk, if anything would work out.

Slowly, the door swung open, letting him in.

* * *

Winry was crying. Breaking her promise. Again. Through her tears, she wondered where those days in her childhood had _gone_. Where the innocence and laughter had been there. When all that had really seemed to matter was who got the better score at school, who called Ed short, and who pulled Winry's hair. Everything had been _simple_ then.

Then everything changed, all for the worse. Her parents died. Trisha died. Everything slowly faded away. Somehow, all too quickly, Ed and Al would start leaving, and when they did come back, they wouldn't tell her anything. She couldn't help but feel abandoned. Betrayed. Resentment, because couldn't they just trust her? What was so important, so dangerous that she had to be left out?

Didn't they know how horrible it felt, being left out of the loop, hanging there, suspended in worry, pouring over words that were half full, stripped of the truth? Because she did, and it ate her up inside.

Then, through her breif, terrifying first encounter with Scar, she had seen what the _truth_ the Elric brothers lived was like. It nearly broke her, finding out what had happened to her parents. It was only part of the truth, part of their world, and despite the pain, she had still wanted to know what was going on, because it made her loss hurt less, knowing someone was there. Because it somehow made her closer to them, to him.

Then he had disappeared, and she'd been left, once again, abandoned and left behind, and all those feelings returned. Then she felt guilty, and could only imagine what Ed was going through, and it hurt her as well, because she cared for him, and couldn't do anything. She'd wanted to help. She'd been too frantic. All that hurt had come to the sufrace, and then she'd said something she regretted.

In her attempt to try and get closer, to help, she had pushed him further away. So, she'd sat, wondering if she could take it all back, if this was what it felt like to lose everything.

Then there'd been a knock at the door.

She paused. Then got up slowly, fearing the worse. What if Al had come back, telling her that Ed was gone? A small part of her knew that it was all her fault. The door opened, and her heart nearly stopped. Ed was there. Maybe she hadn't pushed him away. Maybe things would be okay after all. If she listened. If he listened. Then things would be okay.

Maybe.

Ed looked at her, face unreadable. She blinked, and took a step back, letting him in. _Thank you for giving me a second chance. Thank you, for coming back._

* * *

Ed looked at Winry, as she let him in. He could hardly believe that she was letting him speak, giving him another chance. Was that what she felt every time she'd waited for him to speak ? Was that what she felt every time she asked to know what was going on? Were all those chances scattered broken at his feet, like all his promises? Then, if this was one more chance, one last time, he wasn't going to waste it. He wasn't going to hurt her anymore.

He tried to smile. _I want to fix this. I want to say sorry. I can't say that I never lied. I can't say that I'm innocent, but I can say I'm sorry._

 _Please listen. I can explain. I can't say that you'll like it. I can't say that you'll forgive me, but please just listen._

After a moment of tense silence, Ed cleared his throat and began to speak. "I'm sorry, I hurt you didn't I?"

Winry nodded. "I could say the same thing. I'm sorry, Ed."

Ed smiled, and sat down on the bed. After a minute, Winry sat beside him.

"You don't have to tell me anything." She said quietly, and Ed nearly flinched at how much hurt was in her voice. Hurt that he'd caused.

"I want to tell you." He said. She deserved to know, after all. Even if it made her hate him, even if talking broke him. Al, Roy and Winry. They all deserved to know. He didn't know why he chose to speak to her first. It felt like he was betraying both Al and Roy. For some reason, she was easier to talk to. Maybe because she had always waited to listen. Maybe because she helped him stand. Maybe because she had always been so much more than his mechanic.


	27. Chapter 27

Ed paused half way through his explanation, and looked at Winry. So far, he was telling his story with his head down, because for some reason, looking her in the eyes would hurt too much. He'd see his own pain reflected there. Winry always had insisted on crying for them, always wanted a small part of their burden.

Had she always wanted to show them that they weren't alone? Because now, Ed realised that there had been people waiting for him all along. People he had been too scared to go back to, because he'd changed. Because he didn't want them to see what he'd become. Because he didn't know if he was getting better.

 _Monster._

 _Human._

 _What am I?_

When he looked at Winry, her eyes were brimming with tears, but she blinked them away. She managed a watery smile.

"Don't worry. I... I already broke that promise, but... I won't fail anymore, okay?" She sniffed, and it was her turn to look at the floor.

Ed smiled bitterly. It looked like he wasn't alone in breaking promises. _Not alone. Never alone._

"Looks like we've both broken promises." Ed said sadly, and Winry nodded, suddenly taking his metal hand in both of hers.

"Then let's make a promise now. One we won't break." She said, and Ed blinked at the sheer determination in her tone. _It's just like old times. She always was pushy like that... Funny, how when I used to think of all these things, they seemed so far away. But now, they it's like they're coming back. They seem closer, less bitter._

 _Like the road to home..._

 _Or it could be that the road to hell is paved with good intentions._

Ed pushed the thoughts away, and instead smiled at Winry. He _would_ get better. He _would_ come back to them. No matter the cost. No matter the pain, no matter the pain of changing again. They didn't care if he was a monster, and once he was human, maybe they'd all laugh about it. _That'd be nice..._ "Okay. What do you have in mind?" He asked. _I can keep this one promise. Even if I've broken everything else._

"Promise me you'll come back, Ed." She ordered, and the tears were back.

* * *

Because she wouldn't be able to handle his back as he walked away, swallowed up by the shadows on his path. She didn't ever want anyone she loved to leave again, because one day, they'd never come back.

* * *

"Promise me that you'll wait for me." Ed replied. Because coming back, to find that they'd all moved on, moved away from him would break him. Coming back, and seeing he wasn't needed, after he'd finally broken free would make _everything_ pointless. But coming back and finding that no one waiting would be the worst. Knowing that he was the one that'd left them behind while they faded, drowning in his past and living only as memories. Knowing that he hadn't made it in time. It would break him so badly, it would make sure that no matter if his legs were metal or flesh, he wouldn't be able to find the hope he needed to walk ever again.

Maybe it was selfish of him to ask, but it didn't stop him. He didn't want to break. He wanted to carry on walking, towards a future he could actually see now.

"Promise." They both said it at the same time, and then they both smiled. In that one instant, it was like they were kids again. Then the moment faded, and one would realise that Ed's smile was sad, while Winry's hands shook slightly.

They sat back on the bed, but while Ed continued his story, and Winry continued hers, filling him on what happened with Scar, they never stopped holding hands.

* * *

"It's alright, Ed. What you were doing was important." Winry soothed. He trembled against her, and his self loathing was so intense, Winry could almost feel it.

"I should've been there." He said stubbornly.

"That doesn't matter anymore." She whispered. He was here now. He came back.

"It does! I should've-" She stopped him by slapping him.

"No." She shook her head. "Don't. Don't beat yourself up. Not because of me. You're coming back, remember?" _You're coming back. You promised. I'll wait for as long as it takes, I promised. Just come back, Ed. Please._

* * *

After they finished talking, they both leaned against the wall, just thinking. Maybe that was why Ed was suprised when Winry spoke next.

"I miss your old coat." She mumbled, turning red for some reason, Ed presumed that it was because it was hot in there.

"Why?" He asked, half confused, half curious. _Does she know? Should I show her?_

"I don't know. It was just so bright. Kind of cheerful. It just reminded me of you." She murmured, looking away.

Ed made up his mind, and shrugged off his coat. He put it down, so she could see the inside. It was the same bright red it had always been. It hadn't changed, it'd just been hidden. He'd used alchemy to change it. Turning it inside out, making everything change so it was on the other side. He'd fixed it enough times to know how to mess it up with alchemy. Making the outside black, dark, featureless, so he wouldn't be recognised, but...

"I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it. Kinda stupid, huh?" He asked softly.

Winry shook her head with a small smile. "I don't think it's stupid... But you are an idiot... Have you told Al any of this yet?"

It was Ed's turn to look away. "I will... When he has his body back, so I can stop feeling guitly for leaving him hanging, so I can actually help instead of being a useless older brother."

Winry sighed. "Idiot."

* * *

Roy and Al had sat awkwardly in one of the cramped rooms, pretending they couldn't hear the muffled crying, and some of the louder yellls.

"How have you been Colonel." Al asked timidly.

"Relax, Alphonse. Well, I've had a lot of work to do, but other than that... How have you been? Need any relationship advice?" Roy asked with a small smile.

"I've been good... Wait, why would I need relationship advice?" Al yelled, suddenly very annoyed. He then sighed. "Thanks for what you did with brother..."

Roy smiled, and put a hand on the armour's shoulder. "I would've done the same for you, you know."

"Thanks. I-" Al wanted to say more, because he realised what a big help Roy had been. Always giving them leads that would help them. Always smiling, well smirking, and trying to shelter them. Just like a father.

Just then, there was a knock at the door, making both of them jump.

"I'll get it." Al said hurridly, figuring that if it was an assassin who had figured out where their safe house was, at least the bullets would bounce off his armour. Besides, the fact that they hadn't blown the door off yet meant that they weren't too dangerous.

He winced at the shrill noise the hinges made. Even if it was only a safe house, couldn't they have at least kept it in a better shape? An abandoned house was never a good thing. Houses were homes, things that were never supposed to decay. They were a place to come back to, not to leave.

Every time he saw an abandoned house, he couldn't help but think that it was like how his house, the place he'd been so happy, had looked before it was burned down. Like everything good had been burried firmly under a thick layer of dust... They'd never go back. Too much had changed. Besides, as long as his brother was there, he'd be happy again, he'd be safe.

The door opened. May stared at Al, her eyes brimming with tears. "I'm sorry, Alphonse... But I can't! I can't go home and face my clan... Not after knowing I failed them. Please... Alphonse... I can't!"

Al felt his heart go out to May. "Don't worry... Don't stand in the cold, come in! We'll sort something out. You didn't fail May." He assured her, whispering at the end, offering his hand. One of the things that he'd always loved about May was how she'd always been completely unaffected by his towering size.

Her body shook with the force of her sobs, as Al guided her inside. "Don't worry, May. It'll be alright." He soothed. She only cried harder, Shao May peering up at him anxiously.

"You'll see." He said again, although he wasn't sure if she believed it. He did. He'd believe in everyone's happy endings until they happened.

* * *

Far away, in a gloomy underground base, the dim light gleamed off metal pipes that snaked around the floor, all stretching up to meet a figure who sat on his chair, smirking.

"Well, that was certainly unexpected." Father mused, his hand moving slowly as he adjusted the figures on the chess board in front of him carefully. "But we're in no way unprepared. The promised day shall continue as planned."


	28. Chapter 28

"That's you research?" Al and Roy asked at the same time, staring at the notebook Ed was currently drawing in. The transmutation cirlcle was half filled in, and Ed was currently filling it in, delicately sketching the lines, and like how all the pages before were filled with similar circles, they were all missing _something_ , but he was getting closer. He could practically _feel_ it.

"Yeah." Ed nodded absently, busy focusing on what he knew about the orginal circle, and everything it stood for, and what was the complete opposite, to really pay attention to them. If he could do this...

He was more focused on his goal than ever, after his talk with Winry, and their promises. He was so close... He just had to get this right...

* * *

"What are you trying to do?" Al asked eventually, making Ed jump and wonder how much time had passed since he'd last answered.

"Reverse transmutation circle. Get the stone out." Ed grunted, starting a new circle, not focusing on their reactions.

"Wait, why does it need to be separated?" Winry asked. She'd been around long enough to have an inkling as to what they were on about. She was sitting with Al's friend, May, who kept shooting him suspicious looks then looking guilty about it.

He wasn't an idiot. He knew she was Xingese, she could sense what he was, but she hadn't threatened to kill him yet.

He liked the girl, for that at least. Well, and it appeared she liked Al, so he'd have to get to know her better later.

Ed shrugged. "The Truth wouldn't take it last time, because it was still attached." He said, not really in the mood to elaborate, remembering that cruel smile, the white place. The emptiness and the laughter.

"The what?" Roy and Winry asked, while Al gasped in horror.

"Brother! You saw the Truth again?" Al questioned frantically, his metallic voice shrill. _Oh shit... I forgot that I didn't tell him about that..._

Ed laughed nervously. _Sorry Al... No more secrets._ "Yeah, when I managed to get Ling, Lan Fan and Envy out of Gluttony's stomach, I ended up in the portal of Truth again... I was right, Al! Your body was there!" Ed's voice began to overflow with the same joy that he'd felt in those fleeting moments in the gate. His brother's body was still _there_! He could still reach it! _I just have to find the payment! I just have to get rid of this stone! Then we can be together again, I can be human again, and he can have his old body again..._

 _I can finally see him smile._

 _We can laugh together..._

"Really? It was there?" Al gasped, and his childish voice had gone shrill with shock and glee.

"Yep! I tried to get it there and then, but..." Ed trailed off, flinching at the memory of that cruel grin.

 _'No, no! Bad, Mr. Alchemist~!'_

 _'What do you have to offer in exchange?'_

 _I... would've given anything... but..._

 _'That stone is your core now...'_

 _'Goodbye, Mr. Alchemist.'_

 _And he never once stopped smiling._

"It... It refused." Ed's voice was barely above a whisper, but everyone in the room heard him. Those words, in that chilling tone that rang out in the white emptiness and in his dreams sung in his ears, almost drowning out everything else. His heartbeat echoed in his ears, and Ed could only see white. Nothing to hold on to. Nothing, no one. No one waiting. No one there, apart from the awful figure with the awful grin.

 _Thump!_

 _'Time's up, Alchemist!'_

 _Thump!_

 _'If you can give it to me...'_

 _Thump!_

 _'I'll take it!'_

 _Thump!_

 _'Good. Bye. Mr. Alchemist.'_

Ed shook his head, desperately trying to escape from that voice. He felt so small, in the shadow of the gate, completely small, completely human. So insignificant.

That voice... It talked in circles... In his dream, always smiling, in that cruel way, as it took everything.

 _Thump!_

 _'Nice one boss!'_

 _Thump! Thump!_

 _'We really are alike...'_

 _Thump! Thump!_

"Brother!" A terrified cry cut through the haze.

"Damn it, Fullmetal. Can you hear me?" This other voice was made harsh by the raw panic. Ed could distantly hear more people calling his name... He could hear the voice... He wanted to respond, but his mouth was too dry... He tried to reach out, but found himself swaying, suddenly very dizy.

 _Thump! Thump! Thump!_

 _'See? Isn't this fun?'_

 _Thump! Thump!_

"Just breathe, come on, Ed!"

 _Breathe..._

Something registered, and Ed's rapid breathing began to slow. The roaring became quieter, but it was still there.

 _Thump!_

 _'Next time, then, boss...'_

 _Thump!_

The whiteness faded to black, and it slowly drained into the shadows. Shadows... Like Pride...

 _'You killed me, Fullmetal alchemist... How does that make you feel?'_ The shadows suddenly had razor sharp fangs and flashed him a smile, mocking, arrogant... But it seemed sad, maybe wistful.

Then they were all gone, and he could breathe again. He stared at the floor, determinedly scrubbing the tears in his eyes away. _I'm sorry... I know it won't make it better, that it won't change anything, but.. I'm sorry..._

 _I have to keep moving forwards. I can't... I can't let this stop me._

* * *

"Sorry..." Ed managed.

"Are you okay now?" Roy asked, staring at him worridly.

"I'm... fine. W-what happened?" Ed panted, still slightly out of breath.

"You were hyperventilating again." Roy told him gently. Ed sighed. _I may be getting better, but I'm not all the way there yet._

"Brother... Why did you... Do you remember?" Al asked timidly.

Ed's breath caught in his throat at the memory of that grin again. "Truth." He muttered. Al didn't say anything. He didn't need to. He'd been in that white space as well. He'd heard that mocking voice. He'd also seen that grin.

A cold metal hand slowly touched his shoulder, offering silent sympathy. Ed smiled slightly, beause Al always knew what he needed.

He really didn't deserve such a good younger brother.

"Thanks... Al." Ed whispered.

"I know what that thing's like... I probably didn't help... Afterwards..." Al's armour began to shake, with all the tears that he couldn't cry. All the words he couldn't say.

"Don't worry Al. That wasn't your fault. I know you didn't mean what you said." Ed told his brother reassuringly. _You were scared. I was scared. We're all to blame... it doesn't excuse what I did next. I promised that I wouldn't let you be alone... then I left._

"Fullmetal." Roy said softly, seeing the guilt all over the young alchemist's face. "Leave it in the past. It can't be changed."

Ed nodded. _With all their help... I will get there in the end._

* * *

"Fullmetal." Roy said, making Ed look up. He'd talked to Winry again, mostly so she wouldn't have to feel left in the dark. Not because of him. Never again.

"What do you want?" Ed snapped, but his voice had lost most of the anger he normally aimed at the Colonel.

"You don't intend to sit out in the final battle, do you?" Roy asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No, I intend to fight." Ed muttered, not looking at Roy, not knowing where this was going. _I'm probably going to fight alone again. Maybe Al will be there too, unless he wants to stay with that Xingese girl. I'm... not actually sure._

"Then fight with me and my men." Mustang offered suddenly. Ed blinked and stared at Roy.

"Wait, what?" Ed spluttered, staring at Roy. _He knows what I did with Kimblee and still wants to fight alongside me?_

"Why not? You're strong, you'll get along well with my allys- they insult me a lot," suddenly, Mustang was glaring at him sternly with an expression Ed thought he'd only ever see on a parent, "I thought we made it perfectly clear, you don't have to fight alone anymore."

Ed couldn't stop his smile. "Okay then, R- Colonel Bastard. What do you want me to do?"

"Well, Fullmetal, what do you want to do?" Roy smirked.

Ed raised an eyebrow. "Don't you normally just love giving out orders?"

"Since when do you follow my orders, Fullmetal?" Roy challenged.

"Well, it's not like I was going to anyway, but I thought it'd make you feel better." Ed smirked.

"Just do what you do best and spread chaos." Roy shrugged.

Ed grinned, suddenly. Slowly, a plan formed in his mind. If he could pull this off... Well, he'd be pleased if no one else was. Act the way he used to. Act confident. Act, as much as the thought _sickened_ him, _proud_. Then, maybe he could... make some adjustments to his old outfit, and see what the other homunculi thought of that.

"Hey Mustang, you just gave me a _great_ idea."

"Well, there's the Fullmetal we all know and love." Roy remarked dryly. "Glad to have you back."

"Glad to be back."


	29. Chapter 29

"We're nearly here." Mustang told Ed quietly. Ed had to hide his masterpiece, basically his old coat with a couple of changes, under a ratty old military overcoat that had once belonged to Roy... When he first joined the military.

 _"Hah! The way this fits, you were once as tall as me! Take that you smug bastard!"_

 _"I-it shrunk in the wash!"_

 _"Are you calling me small?"_

 _"Why are you reaching for those weapons?"_

 _"Since you seem to like being a giant, I thought you needed knocking down a few pegs."_

Ed smirked at the memory, then paused as he stared at where Roy was taking him.

"A bar... Really? You want to drink?" Ed spluttered.

"Yes, Fullmetal. Dealing with you does that to me." Roy snapped sarcastically, pushing open the door.

"Mustang, why did you bring a kid?" The woman behind the bar groaned.

"I feel like you're ganging up on me." Roy groaned.

 _Act the way you used to. Even if that means you can't say thank you. Act arrogant. Act like it never happened._

Ed shrugged, smirking at Roy. "Well..."

The woman snorted. "Is the kid trustworthy?" She demanded.

Roy nodded. "Yes. Do you have the information?"

The woman nodded smugly, in a way that reminded Ed of Roy, and fished out an envelope from behind the bar. "Selim Bradley isn't human. And you're right. All the bloodbaths in the history of Amestris connect to make a circle." She sighed, and Ed watched in silence as Roy looked through the maps. He couldn't bear to see the face of the young boy looking so happy.

Not when he'd been a monster. Just like Ed.

Not with Pride's blood on his hands.

 _Selim Bradley wasn't human. Neither am I... But I have to act. Arrogant. Proud._

 _I'm not. I never will be. But I'm not supposed to show my weaknesses. Teacher taught me as much... Teacher... What would she say?_

 _No, that doesn't matter. Act. You can do this._

 _You've done worse._

"Well, thank you for your troubles, Ma'am." Roy sighed, putting the photos safely in his pocket. Ed echoed Roy's thanks, realising that he probably shouldn't get on her bad side. Old ladies were scary. His Teacher had taught him that a long, long time ago...

She raised an eyebrow as Roy continued speaking, "by the way... We may have been followed..."

* * *

Ed stared upwards as the ceiling shook with the force of the explosion Roy had just caused.

"I'll buy you a new place come pay day." Roy promised. The woman sighed.

"Just make sure that you don't pay me from a body bag." She grunted. "And make sure that there aren't any funerals for that kid any time soon."

Ed nearly snorted from the irony of it. He wasn't going to die any time soon, and if he had any say in it, Roy wasn't dying any time soon either.

"If you die, I will personally drag you back to kill you again." Ed informed Roy happily, though his eyes were serious. _You better not die... Not after how much you helped me... I still have to pay you back._

"I knew you two were ganging up on me." Roy mumbled, while the woman laughed.

"I like you kid. My name's Christmas Mustang, nice to meet you." She snorted, offering her hand.

Ed shook it. "My name's Ed. Edward Elric. Nice to meet you." He laughed sheepishly.

"Edward Elric? As in the missing Fullmetal Alchemist? Life sure is full of suprises." She shrugged, begining to walk away. "You two had better stop by my new place after all of this."

"Do you serve alcohol to underage children?" Ed called after her, grinning, while hating how _easy_ it was to sound happy.

"Dumb question. First drink is on the house. Good luck, you two." She called, fading into the shadows.

Roy laughed, and suddenly ruffled Ed's hair, leaving him spluttering, choking on all that he'd left unsaid for far too long.

"Well, Fullmetal. You've managed to talk your way into your first drink. Well, first that I know about... We'd better get through this. Now, let's go meet the others." Roy snorted. Ed rolled his eyes and followed. _Step one, down. Next hurdle..._

 _I can do this. I'm so close. I have my friends beind them. Al... Winry... Roy... Just wait a little longer..._

* * *

"Took you long enough." Breda exclaimed loudly as Roy stepped through the door. Ed was only a step behind him, but it was still enough for no one else in the room to see him.

"Well," Roy shrugged, and Ed shuffled further behind him, suddenly not so confident in his acting abilities. _What if... What if I mess up?_

"I had some company." Roy said smoothly, stepping out the way. Ed took a deep breath just as Roy moved away then grinned.

"Long time no see." He said brightly.

"Edward!" Hawkeye smiled. "I'm glad to see that you're okay!"

"I'm glad to see you! But... Weren't you missing?" Furey asked hesitantly.

Ed laughed, and wondered if it sounded as fake as it felt. "I was dealing with a certain homunculus called Pride."

"Pride... As in Selim Bradley?" Hawkeye asked hesitantly. "But he went missing about a week ago..." She gasped, suddenly.

Ed fought the urge to turn away. He was suddenly finding it hard to act anymore. He'd taken someone's life. Pride had been a monster. So was he...

He felt his throat tighten and tried to swalow back the panic. He couldn't start to hyperventilate now... Not now, not like this.

Roy put a reassuring hand on Ed's shoulder. The gesture seemed to remind him that the past was in the past. He wasn't alone. He wasn't alone.

The weight lifted from his shoulders. Everything suddenly seemed easier. Roy was here. Al would be there soon. Kimblee was gone. Pride was gone...

It was all his fault... But people still accepted him. He could keep walking forwards.

"It turns out, Ed had driven the homunculus back to Central. I found them mid battle and helped him out." Roy offered.

Ed took a deep breath, and steeled his nerves. _Thank you Roy. I'm sorry, for what I did. But I have to keep acting, I hope you understand._

"You make it sound like you did more fighting than you actually did." Ed scoffed, though there was none of the usual venom behind his words.

"Fullmetal, you don't give me enough credit." Roy gasped, pretending to be hurt.

"Whatever." Ed rolled his eyes. "Are we going to start this thing soon or not?"

"I suppose it's about time." Roy sighed.

"Any orders, Sir?" Fuery asked timidly, although he was starting to grin.

"Don't die." Roy smirked.

Ed turned to leave the room, his bright red coat flaring out behind him. He could tell that all of Mustang's subordinates were staring at it...

Or rather at the ouroboros, stamped in a bold, intimidating black on his back.

* * *

Roy resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He wasn't an idiot. He knew that Ed's sudden return to his old self was nothing more than an act. He could see that the boy was hurting inside. He also knew that no one else could see it. At least no one who hadn't killed before. No one who hadn't known the old Ed, the old Fullmetal alchemist could see the pain shadowed in his too bright golden eyes.

No one else could tell how strong he was being.

This idea, this act was either going to help him or break him. Roy trusted each and every person in the room, and he knew that all of them knew Ed, trusted Ed. They wouldn't hurt him.

But he could only guess at how long it'd take them to understand. But if any single thing hurt Ed... He'd be there to help, because that boy had been through so, so much.

And what kind of fatherly figure would he be if he just sat by and did nothing?

* * *

"Edward, why is that symbol on your back?" Hawkeye asked calmly, which suprised Ed. She didn't seem to be shocked or angry. So he shrugged without turning around, so they couldn't see the fear written all over his face.

He didn't want to be betrayed again.

He didn't allow his voice to shake, despite how scared he was. "Because I'm a homunculus." It felt good to just straight out say it. _No more lies. Just the truth..._

"You're a _what_?" Breda spluttered, and Ed half wished he could see the man's face.

"I see..." Hawkeye said, voice not giving anything away. "I take it you're not one of them."

 _But you're... one of us..._ "No. I'm not one of them. I'm something else." _I've stopped running. I'm moving forwards again._

"I'm sorry, Ed. That must've been hard."

"Glad to fight alongside you, Kid."

And as every person in the room smiled at him, Hawkeye, looking sad, Breda and Fuery looking reassuring, and Roy looking proud, Ed felt like he'd been a fool all along. He'd never been alone, after all. He was glad that he would have the chance to fight alongside them again.

 _I'll leave the past in the past and come back to those waiting for me, smiling, with Alphonse._

 _A happy ending, just as soon as all this is over._

 _Just wait a little longer, I'm coming back._


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Hi, I'm back! I'm really sorry for not updating in a while, I've been super busy at the moment, and I was struggling to find time to write. Hopefully, it'll be worth the wait! XD As usual, I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist and I hope you enjoy the chapter! :D**

* * *

Winry stared at the sky through the dirty windows, trying not to feel lonely. Everyone had left to go and fight, and she had stayed. She really was useless... All she could do was watch...

But she was going to wait. She'd promised. She wasn't going to stop waiting when he was coming back.

He'd promised.

As long as she'd wait, he'd come back. She still couldn't help but worry.

 _'I won't die'_ It was true, Ed couldn't die anymore. But she still couldn't help it. _What if they die? I... I don't know what Ed's discovered. What if he's found a way to get back to normal? They left so suddenly..._

Winry shrugged, making up her mind. She knew that Ed had kept his reasearch in the small, cramped study in the house. She steeled her nerves, telling herself that this was a good idea. She wasn't betraying anyone, just by skimming some research she wouldn't understand. Even if it felt like she was going behind Ed's back.

Her hands shook, and a small part of her was suprised that the book was just _there_ on the desk, slapped there so lazily.

She nearly dropped the book, as her eyes scanned page after page of intricate circles, carefully filled with small symbols, every detail perfect.

There were slight smears on each page, where the paper looked almost pale, in odd circular places. It took her a second to realise what they were. Tears.

Had he wanted to go back to normal that badly?

 _What a stupid question!_ Winry scolded herself. _Knowing you're not human anymore..._

She flipped through some more pages, when she noticed something odd about the inside of the back cover. It had been carved into, roughly with something sharp. Winry's eyes widened as she remembered that he now had those daggers. And the last couple of the pages, the same markings had been drawn there, though they were smudged in places, like his hand had been shaking. Tallys. Countless tallys.

What did they mean?

Winry hadn't noticed the pages torn out of the middle of the small book. She shook her head, resolving to ask Ed later, because he would come back, exactly like he promised. And she would wait. Exactly like she had promised.

* * *

Ed had been unable to look at Mrs Bradley ever since she had been taken hostage by Roy and Hawkeye.

 _"I'm glad... I had a mother."_ Those had been Pride's last words. Before Ed had killed him. Now he was facing Mrs Bradley, who didn't know anything. She didn't know where her son was. She didn't know if her husband was alive. She didn't know that Selim, who despite being a terrifying homunculus, was still her son, was never coming home.

It was his fault.

He was still stuggling with the idea of someone's blood on his hands. It wasn't like he could call Pride a monster, and that would magically make it all better somehow. They were the same. He was no better than Pride.

Ed shook his head, furiously trying to rid himself of the thoughts. They weren't good.

He had to act. He had to somehow go back to his old self, hide his pain. It would only grow worse if people saw how badly he was hurting, if the wrong people saw... they'd use it against him. If he could hold himself together for just this long, just enough to finish this fight and get back to the people waiting for him... then he could fall apart.

Until then, he had to keep acting.

"There's another group incoming." Roy barked. Ed sprang into action, welcoming the distraction.

He had long since taken his nunchucks into his hands, and now he swung the weapon around, pleased that he hadn't grown rusty. The metal hit the men in military uniforms with a solid _thunk_ and they collpased to the floor, out cold.

He welcomed the rush of adrenaline, the pure simplicity of fighting. It made everything easier, somehow.

* * *

Roy watched with an odd mix of pride, amusement and worry as Ed leapt forward, nunchucks flashing around him in a deadly blur of silver, the metal ringing out as it hit each of the men with practiced ease.

If he didn't know better, he'd look at the boy and see exactly what had changed. The symbol on his back made him seem untouchable, and his speed was certainly something else, something that suggested he wasn't quite human.

Then Ed's golden eyes seemed so distant, and even though he was grinning, the entire thing seemed fake, there was _something_ that made him seem like he was faking. He'd seen the same thing in Lust... If he didn't know better, he'd say that Ed was a real homunculus, one of them, no doubt about it.

But he _did_ know better. He was there as Ed was nearly driven mad by the promises he'd made, and that he felt he'd broken. He'd been there as Kimblee made Ed into a murderer. He'd been there as Ed broke down, just so _tired_ and so sick of everything.

He saw all too clearly the doubt and shadows in Ed's eyes, the familar horror of taking a life. Roy couldn't stop a gut-wrenching feeling of self loathing. Because he'd promised to himself that he'd do anything in his power to stop the Elric brothers from killing anyone. Just so he'd never have to see that look in their eyes.

He wondered if seeing Ed like this crushed Al the way it crushed him -no, it was probably worse for the poor boy. But he still wondered if seeing those shadows in that golden gaze would bring anyone else back to a place that boiled in the sun, where the air was thick with the stench of blood and smoke.

If anyone else could hear the screams.

He hoped Ed didn't hear Pride, there, still whispering. No matter how Roy tried to look at it, Ed was too young. Too young to handle these demons that would follow him forever. Too young to be fighting with a face like that. Too young for any of this.

Why did he fail at protecting the people he cared about every time he tried?

Hawkeye put a hand on his shoulder, briefly, but it shocked Roy all the same. His suprise only lasted for a breif moment. Then he was filled with warmth. Hawkeye... She had always been there, she had always understood.

From the begining, and until the end. Into hell or heaven, she'd follow him.

She'd seen what he'd done, she'd done her fair share of wrongs too. She could see the darkness that stained all three of them. She knew how he'd failed...

"It's not your fault." She whispered, before sliding her emotionless mask back into place, but not before giving him a quick smile.

 _Not my fault. Yeah right. I should've done something. Anything..._ Roy closed his eyes, trying to stop himself from seeing Ishval, then Pride, his shadows crumbling away...

"Hey... Colonel Useless, how long are you going to keep standing there?" Ed yelled, sounding so much like his old self that Roy half expected to open his eyes and find himself in his office, clutching a thick stack of paperes, or more specifically, damage bills, and to see the teen smirking at him, while Al mumbled apologies.

But those days were long gone. Things were too complicated too torn up to return to back then. Still, once all this was over, if they all survived, they could fix things. Hopefully Fullmetal would leave the military, because it would only bring him more pain...

Instead, Roy opened his eyes and saw everyone waiting for him. "Sorry, I was... planning ahead." He lied, and though everyone knew it was weak, and was so clearly false, they didn't argue. Maybe they just wanted the simpler times back too. That would be nice.

They carried on, through the twisting maze of corners, taking out team after team... until...

"Put your hands in the air! Now!" One of the men aiming at them ordered. He then turned to his troops.

"Aim for everyone but the Flame and Fullmetal alchemists!" He ordered sharply.

"W-what about Mrs Bradley?" One of the other men asked timidly.

"Expendable." The first man grunted, and Roy glared. _Damn. I hate being right sometimes._

He pretended not to hear the woman gasp, and see Ed tense, ready to jump in front of them in case the snipers above them didn't react in time.

 _Stupid kid... Just because he'll live... He shouldn't have to do this._

Before anyone could act, there was the familar sound of hollow metal footsteps, a blur of silver and an explosion.

Two minutes later, Alphonse stood over a pile of unconcious military men, May, with Xiao May perched on her shoulder, hid behind him.

"Really? Brother, you manage to get into trouble every time I'm not there to supervise." Al sighed, shaking his head.

"Shut up Al!" Ed snapped, though he was smiling. "What took you so long?"

"Well, Scar's group has agreed to head towards Central with... someone... and they'll try and reach Father to help us bring him down.. And you probably won't believe this, but I actually have good news." Roy could guess from the boy's tone of voice, that he would be smiling, though the mention of this 'someone' worried him.

There was a sudden explosion of movement, and suddenly there were about twenty people standing behind him. All wearing black, armed to the teeth and wearing masks. The one at the front was wearing a very familiar mask...

Lan Fan stepped forward, and removed her mask, bowing her head. "The Young Lord has sent troops and an apology for not being here himself. The finest ninjas from the Yao Clan are here to assist you." She announced, then turned to Ed.

"I'm sorry... What I did... it was wrong." She admitted, staring at the floor.

"It's fine. I deserved it and it helped in the long run. I forgive you." Ed said cheerfully. Too cheerfully, but right now, Roy couldn't question him about it. It'd have to wait.

* * *

Their strange group started marching towards the nearest access point to the tunnels that would get them to Father's lair. Things only started getting better. The Xingese ninjas were good, and Roy was very glad that they were on his side.

Then there was another welcome suprise in the form of an ice cream truck, well more specifically, one of Havoc's armoured trucks, filled to the brim with ammo, with Rebbeca, who Hawkeye was glad to see, and Maria Ross, who was also back from Xing.

To save time, and calm the panic that was surely rising in the civilians, they decided to split up. Most of the Xingese were going to attack Central head on, with Lan Fan leading them. Another group, which was most of his men, had taken control of a radio station.

Now he was sitting in the back of a cramped truck, stuck next to Ed, as both of them had drawn the short straws. Al and Hawkeye were at the front, and they were driving straight towards the enemy's lair- the underground tunnels.

"Hey Roy?" Roy blinked and turned to Ed, suprised that Ed had dropped his act, and that the boy was being quiet.

"What is it, Ed?" He asked, deciding to drop the codename. He proably had no right to think of himself as the Elric brother's guardian, but it wouldn't stop him from trying to help them.

"This Father guy needs five human sacrifices, and so far, he only has four. To become a sacrifice, you have to commit human transmutation... and see the Truth." Roy didn't miss the way Ed paused before mention this Truth guy.

"I see..." Roy murmured, staring at the boy. Why was he being told this? Unless the homunculi forced him to be the fifth sacrifice, which he didn't see happening, because it wasn't like they could _make_ him do it, he wasn't in any danger.

"Promise me." Ed choked out suddenly, making Roy jump.

"What?" He asked, completely suprised.

"Promise me that it won't be you. Promise you won't be the fifth sacrifice." Ed blurted, voice full of pain, regret and... fear? Of course, it all made sense now. Human transmutaion demanded a heavy toll... He'd nearly lost his brother to this 'gate'. He'd lost his mother. He'd lost his father, eveything Hohenheim had ever stood for when the man walked out of the doors, and didn't come back until it was too late. He'd nearly lost his brother to the same thing that had caused them both so much suffering. He didn't want to lose his father again to that same thing.

"Okay." Roy smiled, trying to reassure the homunculus. "I promise."


	31. Chapter 31

Getting into the tunnels was far too easy. Ed should've known that something was wrong. He should've seen something like this coming.

Horrible creatures staggered towards them, moaning and lunging clumsily. They didn't seem to attack him, making him think that not only was Father behind this, but that they had been made not to attack humans, not homunculi.

His automail blade didn't seem to stop them, and his nunchucks left dents all over them but they wouldn't stop.

He knew that he should feel sick. These were unnatural, but the familiar horror didn't come. Instead, there was another pulse of that energy again. Of course. He was about as natural as they were.

 _But..._ He shook his head. _I won' t be like this for much longer._ He carried on, hammering away, wondering how long this was going to go on for.

* * *

There was a familiar snap, and a rush of heat. ' _Just like with me, Fullmetal alchemist~'_ A cold voice whispered in the back of his mind. Ed shook his head again, as if he could just shrug off the voice.

There was one single deafening noise, before everything was silent. _Act._ "Please tell me you didn't only think of that now?" Ed sighed, staring at Mustang in mock horror.

"You didn't think of it either!" Roy snapped, looking embarassed. That confirmed Ed's suspicions.

"You're a-" Ed began, ready to come up with a really creative string of swear words, learned from Kimblee, as if arguing with Roy would somehow stop the guilt, the horror, those words.

"We're hear to fight, not argue." A familar voice interrupted harshly. Ed jumped, and turned to see Scar's group. Marco, despite looking very different, was there, which was a pleasant suprise, but that 'someone' that Al had mentioned...

 _Hohenheim._

The second Ed saw the man, standing sheepishly at the back of the group, looking like he wanted to say something Ed turned away and finished said stream of swear words.

There was a long, tense silence, then Marco coughed politely. "We'll go on ahead and clear out the way."

One by one, the people edged away, until it was only Ed, Al, Hohenheim and Roy, who refused to leave in the room.

"No offense intended, but who are you?" Hohenheim asked, looking honestly confused.

"Are you Von Hohenheim?" Roy asked politely.

"Yes. I'm the boy's father." Hohenheim told him, ignoring Ed's glare.

"I see." Roy said with a smile that Ed recognised. It was the smile that Roy gave the higher-ups that truly annoyed him and he was forced to be polite. He marched up to Hohenheim, and Ed blinked multiple times to check if his eyes were still functioning correctly.

Roy had just punched Hohenheim in the face.

"You're a horrible father. Nice meeting you." Roy said in a far too cheerful tone, before turning away and leaving them alone once more.

There was a long pause, then Al asked. "Did he really just do that?"

At the same time, Hohenheim asked; "Who even was he?"

"Roy Mustang." Ed snapped, wondering why that entire thing made him feel so warm.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I apologise, to you too, Alphonse." Hohenheim said softly.

"Whatever." Ed snapped, ready to follow the others. He could hear Al hesitating, clearly torn between talking with his Father, and loyally following his brother. Not to mention that Al probably had some mixed feelings about what Hohenheim had done to his brother and how it effected everything.

Ed stopped walking. "Hey Bastard!" He yelled, without turning around to face Hohenheim. "If you're really sorry, and want to fix things, stay alive and make it up to me and Al after all of this."

He carried on walking, and ended up running as soon as he was out of earshot. He knew that Al was probably talking to Hohenheim, and instead of feeling angry, he just hoped that it went okay for his little brother's sake.

He caught up just in time to hear Scar talking in his usual harsh tones, only he nearly ran face first into Roy, for the man was standing so still, and as Ed glanced up he saw that his face was white.

* * *

"The homunculus Envy is dead. I killed him for initialising the Ishvalan war. Before his death, he also confessed to the murder of a man named Maes Hughes." Scar finished gravely. Roy's blood turned to ice. Then everything inside him seemed to burn. Regret, sadness and anger. Fury that made his blood boil and his mind scream for vengance.

Then somone took his hand, at the same time, someone else ran into his back. Roy looked, completely shocked, at Riza, who was giving him a small smile, her brown eyes full of sympathy and shadows. Shadows like his. Stained with blood, shining with the pathway to redemption.

Then Ed was there. His golden gaze was also full of shadows. He remembered the fire that Ed's gaze had held when he'd killed Pride, and now all that was left was ashes. He remembered how he'd sworn to protect Ed, and his brother, at any cost. Like they were his own children. How could they feel safe in the hands of a murderer?

Then Riza. He'd made a promise. He wouldn't misuse flame alchemy. He'd keep the secret she gave up so much for safe. He'd never forget what he did to her back, or why she asked him to do it.

To misuse that now... He wouldn't, he _couldn't_ do that to her.

He wouldn't forget his best friend. He'd never forgive what happened to him. But he wouldn't be turned into a monster by it. Not when he had people to protect...

* * *

Ed walked beside Roy, trying not to pay too much attention to how the man's hands shook, or how Hawkeye silently took his hand. She offered him wordless comfort, and right now, Roy needed that. But he also needed privacy, and Ed was willing to give that to him. Right now, Hawkeye was there for him, and Roy didn't need anyone else, he didn't need pity, he didn't need anything obvious.

But the second he needed Ed, he would be there.

There was a slight clanging noise as Al caught up to them. Ed turned and was suprised to see that Hohenheim wasn't with him.

"He went on ahead." Al whispered quietly, so he wouldn't disturb the others. Ed smiled at his brother. _Never alone._

"How, he was behind us!" Ed whispered back, looking to start a conversation, even if it was partly just to stop the silence, so he wouldn't hear Pride or Kimblee...

"He said something about alchemists not liking walls..." Al said sheepishly, and Ed tried not to groan. Of course the bastard would do something like that, because Ed knew he'd do something similar... If he could get away with it.

They fell silent as they realised that everyone had stopped at where the path split into two.

"We need to split up." Scar said bitterly.

"Fine." Edward spat, and everyone started arguging, trying to decide who should go with who.

He wanted to be with Roy and Al. Roy, who found him when he was breaking down, and Al, his brother. His brother who had always been there. His brother who _understood_ , without words, but just by _knowing_.

He'd dragged Al through everything. His mistakes- all of them. Playing God, Al had been there. Losing everything had been terrifying, and through the waves of pain that seemed to replace his arm and leg, Al being there had made everything better. Through gaining cold metal limbs, Al had always been there. When he became a dog of the military, Al was there. Always there. Never alone.

Being alone had hurt the most.

* * *

Ed got what he wanted, although his relief was short lived. He had Al, Roy and Hawkeye with him. But he was also stuck with Scar. The Ishvalan made him uneasy. He didn't really know what happened in the North with Scar. He didn't care either, because no matter what other people said, nothing would make him trust the man.

How many times had he stared up at those red eyes, only to see them filled with bloodlust and a cold hatred. How many times had his heart been racing with a wild fear as his wounds stung.

How... How could anyone trust him with their lives?

Ed shook his head, and collected his thoughts. He tried not to think of anything, anything but the next fight. He had everything to lose.

They rounded a corner and were suddenly confronted by blinding light. They were in a circular room, and a standing in the middle was an old man in a white lab coat.

He grinned, showing his yellowing teeth, and the light glinted eerily of his golden tooth, and the light on his glasses hid his eyes.

"It's time." Was all he said, and there was _something_ unsettling about his voice.

Then there was a horrible tugging feeling, and it was so, so familiar. The energy in his veins suddenly burned, filling him with the urge to _move_ \- the urge to escape.

He reached out his hand, trying desperately to reach Al, only for his hand to meet thin air, as he faded away. He had a mere moment to drink in the horror in Roy's eyes, before meeting Al's gaze, the blazing orbs of soulfire were terrified.

Ed tried to reach out for his brother, tried to call his name, but nothing came out. Instead, he faded away silently, unable to even scream.


	32. Chapter 32

Ed landed with a thump on an unforgiving cold surface. His brother fell next to him with a hollow _clang_. Ed blinked. The feeling of being trapped was gone. He was able to breathe again.

He closed his eyes briefly, feeling that energy flood through his veins. It should've been familar by now, but something felt _different_. He closed his eyes, and felt it burn. Burn. They were mad.

The souls inside him were furious. Ed didn't know why, but he bet that it had something to do with how Hohenheim became a living Philosopher's Stone, and why Father looked like Hohenheim.

But the souls were mostly used as energy... If they were this mad, enough for souls that should be just energy, to pass on the feeling to him...Then this prick must have done something wrong. Something so horribly, horribly wrong.

Ed frowned. There was something else bugging him. He couldn't tell what it was, but it was _there_ and it was begining to worry him. He turned around, maybe Al would know...

Al.

The suit of armour hadn't moved. There hadn't been the familiar sound of metal moving as Al would get up. There wasn't even a voice.

"Hey, Al?" Ed asked quietly, shaking the armour's shoulder. There wasn't a response. _No... Al... I don't... Don't leave me alone..._

 _Al?_

He flipped the suit of armour over, and stared at the helmet. The eyes were empty and dull. No soulfire light. Nothing. _No. No!_

 _Not my brother. Please, not my brother!_

Ed flung the helmet off, and stared into the gloomy depths of the armour. But... The bloodseal was still there. Why? Why wasn't Al there?

Wait, those hands... Just like the gate... Al's soul was still there. Still trapped in that white space.

For a second, the anger, the fire in Ed's veins froze at the terrifying thought that Al would be there forever, that this plan had just trapped his brother in that white place.

But _no_. Father needed both of them for his plan. They needed to be alive. But until the fifth sacrifice arrived, he would have to fight the very alchemists he gathered.

So maybe... Just maybe Al was being kept there on purpose. Al would come back, or this plan would be for nothing. But he was being _kept_ there. On _purpose_.

His _little brother_ , the one person he would give _anything_ and _everything_ for was being kept there. In that white place. With that _silence_. That _thing_. That _grin_.

And Al would be all alone.

Being alone was the _worst_.

That rage was back, and it was worse than ever. As Ed turned to glare at Father, or where he felt _something_ even he found sickening, he noticed someone staring at him.

"Teacher?" Ed blinked. It made sense, when he thought about it. Izumi had been relatively well-known for her ablility to perform alchemy without a transmutation circle. Of course she'd be here.

"Ed." She sounded unusually cold, and it took Ed a second to figure out why. He'd been kneeling over Al. His back had been facing her. And she must've seen the new symbol on his coat... Unless he was lucky-

"Why do you have _that_ symbol on your back?" She snapped. Ed tried not to feel betrayed. _Teacher... Well, I guess... not everyone was going to be accepting._

Ed stared at the floor. "It's a long story. I'll explain later. I need to fight Father and-"

"Whatever homunculus. You can explain why you're impersonating my student later." Izumi snapped, still glaring.

"Izumi, don't, it was my fault-" There was a breif yell, that made Ed's gaze snap to where he had felt the repulsive aura of Father, and immediately regretted it.

The face of his father was sticking out of something's stomach. What... What had happened?

Hohenheim's face suprised him. He looked furious, and he was looking at Izumi. Was the bastard sticking up for him? Then a hand lunged forwards, pushed, and the face sunk into the creature's stomach.

The thing, Ed realised was Father. The sight of the thing made him pause. It was dark, and seemed to be made purely of shadows. It had an eerie smirk, so simililar to Pride's. Then there were those red eyes. Gleaming, like they were somehow smirking. The whole thing just looked so much like Pride.

 _'My blood is on your hands, Fullmetal alchemist...'_

Then the anger was back. Al. Hohenheim. The fifth sacrifice. All these souls. All Father's fault. So much suffering.

Ed glared at the being. "The souls... You're the one who did this?"

"Yes." Father sounded completely indifferent, and the energy was begining to sear with all the hatred all those souls.

Ed didn't need to hear any more, and rushed forward, clapping to make his arm into a blade. Father didn't even blink, or so much as twitch, as a wall rose up to block him. Ed jumped, and the wall continued to rise. Realising that it was pointless to keep trying to get over the wall, Ed jumped away, clapped his hands and destroyed the wall in a shower of rubble, reforming the stone as spikes that shot towards Father.

He wasn't going to stop until he had revenge. For the souls. For everyone.

* * *

When Al woke up- which was strange, because he hadn't slept in so long- he was in the Portal of Truth again. Everything was the same blinding white, and the Gate was looming over him- wait there were two gates?

It was true. His brother's theory was true! Even though Ed had told him about it, Al had struggled to believe it.

His brother really was amazing!

"Hello, Alphonse." That voice... It wasn't Truth, it wasn't mocking, echoing, it was _human_. It couldn't be...

His body stared at him, from where it was standing in front of the gate, looking very small in the shadow. His body... The thing he'd been searching for. He could hardly believe it was real, this had to be a dream.

"You're... my body?" He asked, because he was just waiting to wake up, but he couldn't sleep in his metal body.

"Yes. Due to your soul being so close to the Portal, it is inevitable that you would end up here eventually. In fact, you would've been dragged here sooner-" Al wondered if it was weird to think this much about the way your own voice sounded. Scratchy from lack of use, but it was still _his_. Then the cold, mocking laughter interrupted, and Al had never hated anything so much in that moment.

"If not for the unusal condition of your brother." Truth smirked, waving a flesh arm around, as if showing off what Ed had given to him. For Al. It was all Al's fault that Truth had his brother's arm.

"What do you mean?" Al didn't bother trying to stop his voice sounding bitter. Here he was, surrounded by everything he could ever want, only a step away, but miles away at the same time.

"Well, the energy that your brother has also effects your body. Of course, you're nothing like him, there's no way for the soul energy that make him a hounculus to be transferred through your tangled spirits, but the whole thing is helping your body recover and strengthening the bond between the armour and your physical body. You can last a little longer." The voice echoed through the white space making Al freeze. It took a moment for the words to process.

"So this whole thing is good?" Al asked, not quite believing it.

"Yes." His body sighed. "And now it appears that your time here is up, Alphonse. It is time for you to return to the final battle."

The last thing Al could recall was reaching out towards his body, and the thin, flesh fingers about to grip the cold metal fingers, Truth laughing as everything faded away.

* * *

Envy blinked, struggling to remember why everything hurt. He struggled to stand up, and dimly wondered why everything seemed so big... Wait, he was in his true form, wasn't he? Not the big, mocking beast, but the tiny, defenceless _worm_. He peered around, and realised he was in a jar. A _jar_. The sheer _humiliation_ made him want to kill someone.

He glared through the glass, and saw several people in white coats. He wasn't... in a lab, was he? One of the figures noticed that he was glaring, and walked over, calmly, as if just rubbing _everything_ in Envy's face.

"So you're awake? Good." The scientist wasn't anything special, and that was bugging him. He was in a lab. He was probably going to be experimented on. And the people doing it didn't even look remarkable, couldn't they at least have someone who at least looked interesting? He was a homunculus. People were supposed to fear him! Not treat him like a lab rat. They were supposed to be jealous of how much better he was, how far he'd come, everything that made him special. Not the other way around.

"I take it you're not going to talk, so I'll explain what's going to happen." _It... It wasn't supposed to be like this!_

Envy barely listened. "We're very excited to have the chance to study a homunculus..." _He wasn't supposed to be here!_

 _Why..._ "An Ishvalan turned you in, injured, which might explain why you don't remember getting here." _Why did he always have to be so_ jealous _?_

The man walked away, leaving Envy feeling bitter... and broken. _They're going to experiment on me? Well, I'll show them exactly what I can do._

 _And I'll guaruntee they won't like it._

* * *

The second Ed heard a familar gasp, he jumped away from his latest attack on Father and sprinted over to Al.

"Hey! Stay away from him, homunculus!" Izumi barked, but Ed ignored her. Nothing was going to stop him from getting to his brother.

"Al! Are you alright?" Ed asked frantically.

"Brother... Is that you? Yeah, I'm fine." Al sighed, and Ed nearly collapsed from the relief.

"Alphonse Elric. I'm glad you could join us." Father said coldly, and Ed glared.

"We're in his lair." Ed explained, still furious at the being.

"We're just waiting for the fifth sacrifice," Father continued, "and they will be arriving just now."

 _The fifth sacrifice? Now?_

 _Roy... You promised. Please don't let it be you..._

 _Please._

There was a scream, and the black hands appeared, wrapped around someone tightly. Ed watched with horror, as Scar was thrown to the floor, clutching his bleeding stump of an arm.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: Hi! Before I move on to the chapter, I just want to explain something breifly, considering that I likely won't have the oppertunity to do so in the story: the reasoning behind Truth taking Scar's arm. At this point Scar has resolved to change Amestris without resorting to violence, which is partly the reasoning behind the new tattoos on his arm... which he just lost, for committing the taboo, and all he has left is the deconstruction arm, which he no longer wishes to use...**

 **Hope that explains it, but if anyone has any questions, just leave them in a review or PM! :)**

 **That being said, as usual, I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, and I hope you enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

"There. That should stop the bleeding." Ed said, trying to ignore the familar hatred and _unfamilar_ pity he felt when he stared at Scar.

The man who'd tried to kill him and his brother multiple times had seen the gate. Seen that _thing_. He too had lost everything.

The red eyes that Ed had always seen clouded by rage, greif and bloodlust were now hazy with pain and defeat. There were smears of blood on the floor, not yet dried, and the stench was overpowering.

It reminded him of his own experience, of being in that basement; where they'd tried to bring their mother back, his leg burning with agony, drowning in the metallic smell of blood. It reminded him of Kimblee, who's white suit turned crimson, with insane laughter ringing in the background. Haunting... Always there.

Then it reminded him of Pride. Despite everything, his blood had been just like a human's. It still stained.

It still made him a murderer.

He shook his head. He had to stop thinking like that. At least for now. He had to act. "You might want to consider automail." He told the Ishvalan, trying to distract himself from the sheer _loss_ the man radiated, as well as offer some comfort.

"What... What was that thing?" Scar asked, and Ed blinked, caught off gaurd by how _vunerable_ the man sounded. He looked less and less like the murderer Ed had been unable to stop seeing in him. People could change, he should know that better than anyone. But this... It just showed... Too many things wrong.

How cruel could Truth be?

And how much would everyone lose before this was all over?

* * *

Roy stared, unable to feel anything. It was like he'd just gone _numb_. His eyes stared blankly at King Bradley, not seeing calculating stare, but the man's swords pinning Scar down. The circle flashing to life, the shadowy hands clawing greedily as the Ishvalan _screamed_. It was just so _repulsive_.

It brought him back to the days of the war, the smoke filling his senses, drowning him in the bitterness. The boiling air, the screams- too much like how Scar had screamed- then the unsettling silence.

The silence where breathing should be. The silence where life should be. The silence _he'd_ caused so, _so_ many times.

"Sir?" Riza asked, her voice cutting through the haze, stopping the past from strangling him. She had always been there. A pillar of support. Someone to lean on. The someone he'd always needed and would never be able to let go.

"I'm fine." Roy said quietly, because it was meant for _her_ , and not anyone else. Not the wheezing creature that had crooked glasses tilted on it's _wrong_ face, with it's unseeing eyes, glazed by the glass. Not for the mishapen, bloodied arm that was grasping at thin air as it died. Definitely not for the smirking homunculus, standing on his eyepatch, with an Ishvalan's blood still staining his swords- _his hands_.

After Ed had been snatched away, everything had gone wrong too quickly. They'd been surrounded by grey haired men with distant eyes, who attacked in a blur of blades and bloodlust, and Roy found himself lost in the confustion of gunshots, blades and _fire_.

Then they'd all leapt away, standing in a circle, as Wrath- for Roy could no longer stand to call him by his human name- had smirked, and Scar had ended everything with a terrible scream.

The men had collapsed, unmoving and already cold. How many people had died? All for this one sick cause.

"I had high hopes for you, really." The homunculus sighed, the ouroboros in his eye seeming to stare right through him. "You were supposed to be the fifth sacrifice, Colonel Mustang, but in the end, the Ishvalan was more convenient." The sheer _indifference_ in his tone made Roy's blood boil.

"Like the extermination?" He found himself asking, and he was suprised at how cold and furious he sounded. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Riza shoot him a warning glance. This line of thought was dangerous. He couldn't carry on like this. If he did... he might lose himself completely.

"Yes. You are completely correct. Humans were always so predictable." Wrath sighed, sounding flat. "And so easy to deal with..."

No... He wasn't suggesting...

"Like Maes Hughes, for example." Roy glared at the homunculus, wishing that he would _burn_. Just like he had been forced to do to the Ishvalans.

"See? So easy to manipulate. One mention of your former friend, and you're nearly consumed by rage." Bradley stated flatly. Roy glared, telling himself over and over not to lose himself to the rage that was burning behind his eyes, feeling too close to tears. He couldn't surrender to the rage, not matter how _good_ it would feel. Not when he had people to come back to, people to leave behind. Ed... Riza... He had to be strong for them. And Maes. He wouldn't want this. None of them wanted this.

"Are you ready to fight me properly yet?" Wrath taunted, and Roy could hardly stand the smug tone the man used. These... These monsters (because no matter what, Edward would _never_ be one of them) felt that they could just toy around with people's lives. How many people had been broken by them?

Then, before Roy knew it, Wrath was running towards him, his swords gleaming in the harsh light, the blood a startling shade of scarlet against the unforgiving metal.

Then somone screamed, and blood blossomed in the air. Roy stared, transfixed as the liquid glistened like rubies, before falling to the ground like flower petals. He took in the sadistic thrill in Bradley's eyes. Then he saw the pained smile on Riza's face as she fell.

Her blood... Bradley had... _No_...

"Riza!" He yelled, his voice unnaturally loud in the eerie silence that followed. Roy was dimly aware of Bradley smirking in amusement as he felt his heart break. She had jumped in the way... For him...

"Why?" Roy breathed. _Why? Why did she do it to protect_ him _of all people? Why did she have to throw her life away like that? Didn't she know that he never wanted that?_

"Because..." Her voice was barely more than a whisper, and her breaths were hardly more than pained gasps. "Because y-you're worth it."

"I'm not. I'm really not." _Because_ nothing _was worth her life. Especially not him, with all the blood on his hands, all the screams in his ears._

"Stop, Colonel, I-I'll pull through... I'm under orders... not to die... r-remember?" She coughed, though her eyes still _smiled_ at him.

Roy's eyes were burning again, although something was smothering the rage, something bitter and it clawed at his heart.

"It's raining." He whispered, watching as his tears fell on Riza's face. She smiled weakly.

"But the sun will come soon... It... always does." Riza managed, before her eyes closed. For one terrifying moment, Roy thought that she'd died there and then. That her heart, that had survived Ishval, that even held room for _him,_ had stopped beating forever.

He didn't want to be alone. She was supposed to guard his back. She was supposed to be there all the way, not just at the begining of the end. Then he heard her shallow breaths, and Roy felt his heart break all over again with relief.

But she didn't have long, did she? His precious Lieutenant could die at any moment... and there was nothing he could do... He really was useless in the rain...

"She'll die in roughly half an hour. There's no way you can save her. Ironic, that my final battle will be against one who also has his soul consumed by wrath." Bradley informed him, with a smirk on his face. The anger was returning. _The Ishvalans... Riza... All his fault!_

Roy glared. He scooped Riza into his arms, and laid her gently in a corner, carefully wrapping her wound with his jacket. He turned, and face Bradley taking slow, deliberate steps forwards, his eyes burning with a cold fire.

Then he _snapped_.


	34. Chapter 34

The world was on fire. At least, that's how it would seem to anyone who saw the fight between Roy and Wrath.

Flames and steel, anger and blood... and _rain_. A horrible mix, all conflicting within Roy. Wrath, only anger, a boiling fury that painted his vision red, having long consumed since comsumed the man who held the rank of Fuhrer.

It was slowly consuming Roy too. All the pain, all the bitterness, _all_ the things left unsaid and the things he still wanted - _needed_ \- to do, were slowly coming together, until they didn't _matter_.

The only thing that was important, the only thing he could do was kill the man in front of him. _Snap_.

The flames made the swords shine with a silver sheen, it made the air thick with the familiar smell of smoke, it made his blood boil.

It made some small, cornered part of him scream. Scream that it all was wrong. Scream that flame alchemy wasn't meant to be used for this. _Scream_ that there were people he wouldn't be able to hold with blood soaked hands. But that small part wasn't loud enough. It would never be loud enough.

Not now. Not like this. But in the future, when he had room for regret. Room for any thing else.

Wrath meanwhile, would smirk, because never in his long life had he seen this. Eyes that looked _exactly_ like his.

* * *

Ed couldn't help but feel that something was wrong. So horribly, horribly wrong. That something had broken, and there was no fixing it. (Except so much worse... Because broken things sometimes couldn't be put back together.)

Instead, he turned to face Father. The souls were _furious_ , but he couldn't lose himself to the rage. People were waiting for him. Al, Winry, Roy.

Besides, he could feel the cold gaze of his teacher on his back. He would prove to her that he wasn't a monster. He wasn't ' _one of us'._

"Alphonse, what's going on?" She asked, her voice a sharp whisper that felt like it was cutting Ed's heart. A person he'd trusted... The person who'd taught him... It couldn't be helped. Not now, when _everything_ was at stake... If, no, when they won, he'd try and fix things.

"Brother?" Al asked, uncertainly.

"You explain. She won't listen to me. I'll buy you some time." Ed said curtly, and gave his brother a small, reassuring smile.

Then he lunged forwards, with his nunchucks spinning in a blur of chains and metal, losing himself in the familiar feel of the weapons. Until Father began to speak, his cold voice snapping Ed out of the blissful paradise that he needed. The place made of adrenaline and metal, but it made the voices go away.

"You certainly are an anomoly, Edward Elric." He said, not even fazed as he effortlessly dodged every swing, every blow.

"Flattered." Edward grunted, throwing his nunchucks in the air, and clapping, forcing the floor into spikes and platforms. Then he caught the metal, warm in his hand, and flipped onto one of the platforms. _Act._

"You refused to go with others of your kind. You insisted on staying with those weaker than you." Father continued, his icy - _wrong_ \- golden eyes following Ed's movements.

"Yet you're a homunculus. But you don't stand for a sin. You have emotions. You're not a puppet." He continued. Those eyes... They were like suns, but without the fire. Without the life.

"And?" Ed rolled his eyes, sliding his nunchucks back into their place on his belt. He clapped his hands and transmuted a spear. He lobbed it at the man, but Father merely stepped to the side and the spear clattered to the ground uselessly. "Do all bad guys have to do long dramatic talks?" He complained, looking to buy some time. Besides, he had to keep acting. It made him feel normal.

Pride had been quiet.

"Weren't you a 'bad guy' yourself, running around with a wanted criminal?" Father commented coldly, and Ed's blood froze.

He'd tried so, so hard to leave that in the past. But there was no running, there was _never_ any running.

"Were we 'bad guys' if we were fighting _you_?" Ed spat, trying desperately to ignore the guilt. He would fix it, fix everything, later. For now, all he could do was stop everything from becoming more broken.

There was a sudden flash of light and suddenly, there were more spikes aimed carefully at Father, and Al was running towards him.

"Are you okay, Brother?" Al called, anxiously.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Al. Is Scar doing all right?" Ed called back, glad to see that his brother was okay, that his armour wasn't falling apart... That those red eyes were still there... That they wouldn't fade away, leaving nothing but empty shadows.

"Yeah, I think so. Teacher's looking after him, though." Al informed him, speaking quietly.

"Well, it appears that everything is ready now." Father commented, and it took Ed a moment to identify the satisfaction in his tone.

Then, before he could react, something shot out and grabbed him. Then everything turned to pain, and he was slammed into the floor.

Everything... everything hurt. He was dimly aware of a cry that signified that Hohenheim had been released.

* * *

Father was laughing. He was saying something but the words didn't make any _sense_. Everything was lost to the pain, then everything went black.

The solar eclipse started.

Somewhere, a gate opened. Everything hurt. Everything was _wrong_.

Somehow, a chilling voice cut through the pain, the darkness and the unsettling feeling. _'What are you going to do now, Mr Alchemist~?'_

Slowly, the pain stopped, but the feeling that something was wrong didn't go away.

* * *

Ed slowly opened his eyes, and then jolted wide awake. What... What _happened_?

Something was wrong... What... Where...

Where were the voices? The noise?

Everything was silent.

There were no voices... They were too late... Everyone was...

"You can hear them." Hohenheim accused, his voice quiet. Ed looked around and stared at Father.

He looked young. He looked like a God, there was no other way to put it. His eyes shone with power, power that he shouldn't have. Power that felt so unbearably _wrong_.

Power that killed the silence with the voices of the lives he'd stolen.

"You... you monster." Ed snarled, and like Hohenheim, his voice was quiet. Because the silence, how could they break it? It was too daunting, too suffocating. It was better not to hear the echoes, because there was nothing else. Only them. Everyone... everyone else was _dead_.

But they _weren't_. No, their lives had been _stolen_ , all to serve as fuel for the theif. Gone, but right in front of him. So close, but light years away. Never would these people smile, laugh or feel _again_. They were _lost_.

Roy. Winry. Hawkeye. So many of his friends... And he'd failed them all. Why... Why wasn't he strong enough?

He hadn't saved them...

He felt a reassuring hand on his shoulder, and stared up at Hohenheim in shock. The bastard really was trying to make ammends... But it was too late. Didn't he see? They were all _gone_!

"Don't worry Edward, he wasn't the only one with a trump card." The father who'd left, then came back and changed everything, said to him. Then he smiled.

* * *

Then Father's eyes widened. "An umbra." He choked, and then _screamed_.

 _Screamed_ as all the souls inside him were set free. As their support faded and suddenly the power of God didn't seem so appealing. In fact, it _burned_ and _fought_ to escape. But he'd sacrificed everything for this. He was so, so close to winning the game. He wasn't going to lose now.

* * *

And noise returned to the world. Roy's eyes opened, and he saw a small girl huddled over Riza, Wrath struggling to stand, badly burned and disorientated. His eyes shot open as he recognised the Xingese girl and the distinctive knives used in her healing alkahestry. Then his heart froze as Riza's eyes opened.

The rain stopped.


	35. Chapter 35

Father was formibable, calculating and by far one of the most terrifying _thing_ s that Ed had the misfortune of fighting. Father, now that he had the power of a God at his disposal...

Ed could barely keep up. Even with everything in him screaming at him to stop the man, even everything that made him a mon- homunculus, Because when faced with this, a real monster, he couldn't compare them.

He was scared. How long had it been since he had felt this? Something cold, something that made his heart burn and his instincs sharpen, like a keen knife. It made him feel alive. It made him feel _human_. That meant so much _more_ , and it also hurt.

Because nothing was set in stone. He might never find his way back. To being human. To the people waiting. Was this all false hope? He shouldn't be doubting himself. Not now. Having hope was like holding stars. It burned, but it lit up the entire world.

The stars held light, but it was fragile and could never quite kill the darkness behind them.

Then Father did something. Ed had been standing, muscles tense, ready to spring into action. He was still struggling to comprehend the sheer power Father had used. The power was just wrong.

It was like how every alchemist felt when they saw a chimera. How they'd feel when they saw him.

Father smirked at them, then shot off, up through the holes blasted in the ceilling by their fight. There was a moment of silence. Had he just... ran away?

But why?

"He's gone to collect more souls!" Hohenheim yelled in horror. Ed froze. He remembered the _silence_. The spaces were souls were. When everyone was dead, and empty.

He never wanted to hear anything like it again. Where everything was gone and he hadn't stopped it. He never wanted to hear it again. Never again.

Because that mean that he'd failed again. He _wouldn't_ let it happen again- no matter what. Even if he had to go back to the way he was during those days of blood, darkness and Kimblee's smile.

Because the silence was even worse like that.

Ed clapped his hands, and shot off, feeling the ground shift underneath him, and pushed him forwards, into the open sky. The sky, that would watch the future unfold. The sky with a sun so bright that it killed the doubts, it killed the darkness.

He'd been in the darkness for far too long, and now he had a chance to see the light clearly. He wasn't going to let the silence come back. He wasn't going to let the light fade.

* * *

"Riza? Riza, are you okay?" Roy asked desperately, all thoughts of rage forgotten. The fire in his soul, his entire being just vanished, only to be replaced with something worse. He was flooded with guilt as he remembered the rage, the desire to kill, and the _fire_. The fire...

He'd misused flame alchemy and failed everyone. _He'd failed Riza_.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, drowning in everything he'd done, and felt the regret eating him alive.

"I'm so, so sorry." He choked out again, but it wouldn't change anything, would it? It wouldn't change the fires that had burned away at the homunculus. It wouldn't change that his rage controlled him as he used the flames. It wouldn't change that he had been just as bad as Bradley, just as much as a _monster_ as Wrath.

How? How could he possibly help anyone, Edward, Riza, his county, when he couldn't even save himself from his rage?

Roy blinked in suprise as something touched his face. It took him a second to realised that it was Riza's hand.

"Stop." Her voice was hoarse, and so quiet that he could barely hear her but for him it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard. Because it meant that she was _alive_. Not dead and cold like Hughes. Not limp and lifeless in a icy pool of her own blood. But _alive_. Alive and able to stand next to him in the rain.

"I failed you." He whispered, feeling his heart breaking all over again. Because worse than the thought of her dying was living and knowing that he'd failed and would never be able to make it up to her.

"No... You were trying... To protect me." She smiled weakly, and Roy wondered why she was trying so _hard_. He wasn't worth it. He'd never be worth it.

"But..." He whispered, unable to explain the sorrow flooding his entire being.

"Roy." She said sharply, and he smiled. This was the Hawkeye he knew. The woman you never argued with, because you never knew where she had guns. This was his Riza. Who had his back no matter what, and no quesions never needed to be asked.

"How touching." A voice sneered. Wrath had recovered, and Roy nearly flinched at the anger in the homunculus' eyes. It was like a black hole, dragging everything else away, until all that was left was a shell filled with a blaze of fury.

He wished he didn't know. He hated himself for it. Almost as much as he hated himself for feeling pity for Wrath.

He saw May tense, but shook his head. He'd finish this. But not with Flame Alchemy. Because he refused to misuse it anymore. He refused to finish off the homunculus how the monster wanted it, he'd do it on his own terms.

Roy grabbed one of the discarded swords from the other men, who'd died in the transmutation. Any one of them could've been Wrath. Maybe Wrath would die to a sword, just like the ones that he'd killed so many with.

It was the death he deserved, not the firey explosion Wrath had been trying to make him create. He'd die by cold steel, having played with fire one too many times.

Roy prepared to advance, sword firm in his grip. He'd barely taken two steps when there was the sound of rapid footsteps behind him. A Xingese ninja flew forwads, and threw off her mask.

Her one visible eye was cold, and her frosty gaze was fixed on Wrath. Slowly, she pulled off her eyepatch, revealing the repulsive scar that streched over her eye. When she spoke, her voice was as sharp and as ruthless as Wrath's swords.

"An eye for an eye, but you seem to have regrown yours."

"A pity you were incapable of doing the same." Wrath sneered.

Lan Fan turned to Roy. "Give me the sword. I'll finish him off, after all: it'll be difficult for you to claim his former throne if you're publically known for killing him." Her voice was soft. Roy turned to Riza, who's brown eyes pleaded with him.

Roy passed the ninja the sword, and it was like he was letting go of his rage for good. Lan Fan then hurled a flash bomb at the unsuspecting homunculus, and having closed her good eye, and being able to see, lunged forwards and drove the sword into Wrath's eye, showering the floor with blood.

Roy held Riza close as Wrath thrashed around, before finally going still. Then with an air of finality, he croaked "Damn you... I never got... to die by someone with... eyes like mine." Roy watched, numb, as the homunculus slowly crumbled away.

Before he could properly process what happened, something shot past them, intent on reaching the sky. Whatever it was, it's mere precense made him feel sick.

Then, much to his supise, a pillar of stone rose up from the hole that he hadn't thought to look down into, carrying Ed.

"He wants more souls!" Ed called, and with that feeble explanation, continued chasing after the _thing_.

Then three more pillars shot up, and the woman Roy recognised to be Izumi Curtis appeared, carrying Scar. The Ishvalan looked horrible. He was breathing heavily, and his arm was missing. His arm... Roy shuddered, suddenly feeling pity for the man.

"Mr Scar!" May cried, rushing forwards to heal him with her alkahestry. Scar managed a small smile at her concern, and Roy vaguely remembered that they'd been travelling together. He couldn't help but wonder if somehow Scar had become a kind of parental figure for the girl, because the concern in her eyes was so startlingly _real_.

But he couldn't dwell on that. "Will you be okay if I leave to go and fight?" Roy asked Riza gently.

She glared at him. "I'm coming too." She said firmly, and her eyes left no room for argument, with their silent reminder that she would always watch his back. And he'd always look out for her, because he never wanted to feel the pain of losing her again.

"What happened?" Roy asked Izumi.

"In short, Father somehow gained the power of a God, but Hohenheim did something to him and he is now struggling to contain it. As the homunculus said, he's gone to collect more souls." She said. Roy froze as she coldly refered to Ed as 'the homunculus'.

"I see." He said coldly. "Alphonse, would you mind taking us up there?" He aksed. The suit of armour nodded, not seeming at all happy with how his teacher was treating his brother.

They reached the top in silence, and were quickly joined by Izumi, May, Scar, Hohenheim and Lan Fan and the injured Armstrong siblings.

They all paused for a minute. Ed was facing Father alone, and was still appearing to hold his own.

Relentless.

That was the only way Roy could think to describe Ed at that moment. The boy wasn't letting up with his attacks at all, his nunchucks a silver blur around his body. He was fighting with purpose, with rage, with vengance.

It took Roy a second to realise where he had seen something similar to the look in Ed's eyes before. With a jolt, he realised that the last time he'd seen Ed this mad was when his leg had been destroyed.

He looked at the floor around the two, and saw broken metal, kicked furiously at the _thing_. No... It wasn't.

Both of Ed's arms were flesh again.

But when Ed had shot by him, Roy had seen the distincive flash of his automail. Which meant that it'd been destroyed in that short period of time that it took them to reach the battle. Ed had been so, so careful with his automail, because it was a symbol of his promise to his brother. How powerful was Father to take this away from him and think that he'd get away with it?

As Roy ran forward to help, with his comrades beside him, he couldn't help but feel a brief flash of pride for Ed, for holding his own against Father for so long.

* * *

Ed smiled. Through his own rage and the furious clamour of the souls, he smiled, because he wasn't alone. He had people beside him and a promise to keep.

There were flashes of alchemy all around him, and he didn't know when, but Father's forcefield was suddenly gone, and suddenly, they had hope.

* * *

Scar hated feeling useless. With his arm gone, he felt like nothing but a burden, but he still had the weapon his brother have him. He may not have the arm of reconstruction anymore, but he could still try and crush this arrogant fool exactly how he deserved.

* * *

Hohenheim felt like crying. They were so close. Just a little more and it'd all be over. Father would be gone. The one who ruined everything would finally be gone, and maybe then, he could get to know his sons.

* * *

Hawkeye unloaded bullet after bullet, resolve unwavering. This had been the ultimate trail and she refused to fail anyone ever again, not like she had in Ishval.

* * *

Al fought for his brother. He knew that Ed had always tried to protect him, and even went as far as to leave Al because he saw himself as a threat. So now, it was time for him to protect his brother, who had suffered so much for this.

* * *

Father could feel it. His control was slipping, and the humans... He'd underestimated them, and it ruined everything. They couldn't be... But they were! Were they really always this strong? Then suddenly all he knew was pain and the feeling of loss. When he opened his eyes, all he saw was white. There was a sinister laugh and he knew that he failed.

* * *

Father let out a final agonised scream, and exploded into ash. Ed leapt away, breathing heavily. It was over... Father was gone, and they were all free! Except he felt like he'd lost. He stared at his flesh arm.

"Brother! Are you okay?" Al cried, rushing forwards, trampling over the crumbled remains of Father.

Together... They'd promised to do it together.

"Hey Al... Remember our promise" He asked softly. Al paused, red eyes widening. Ed reached into his pocket and pulled out the pages he'd torn from his notebook. The reverse circle. The complete opposite of the circle that had ruined everything. Everything... All of his research was poured into this one crircle. But it was worth it... So, so worth it... This was the circle that would fix everything.

"Brother, what are you doing?" Al screamed, hands reaching forwards, trying to stop him, but it was too late. Ed had already clapped and hit the circle. It flared to life in a brilliant flash of light, and Al couldn't stop it.

Then Ed screamed. Like he had all that time ago when he'd been turned into a homunculus. Only this was worse. The energy that he'd slowly, reluctantly grown used to was _pulled_ out of him. He'd never felt pain so intense, and he thought that he'd die.

Slowly, his vision cleared. In his shaking hand was the stone, red and glimmering, so much brighter than the blood around it. He blinked the spots out of his vision, determined to finally fix everything.

Al rushed over, trembling with worry over his brother. That scream... It was just so _horrible_. Ed clapped, just as Al's outstreched hand met his shoulder. The two brothers were surrounded by a tremendous flash of light, and everything was white.

* * *

"Well done, Mr Alchemist. You did it. You're free to take it back now." Truth laughed, and for the first time, the voice didn't fill Ed with fear.

He'd won.

Ed turned and smiled at Al. The body wasn't as skinny as he remembered, and it's eyes were full of life- full of Al.

"Hey Al." Ed greeted, and his brother waved with a proper flesh arm.

"Hey..." Al's voice was quiet from unuse, but his brother had plenty to say. "You were so reckless brother! When we get back, I'm slapping you!"

Ed laughed, dizzy from relief, knowing that it wouldn't heal.

Hand in hand, they walked back to the people waiting for them.

* * *

Ed's vision was dizy, and he saw his brother kneeling over him, but his worried gaze was swimming in and out of Ed's vision. He'd never felt so weak, he was so, so tired. With a smile, he sunk into the blissful darkness.

 **A/N Well, that's the last one, well at least before the epilogue... I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, and thank you all for coming this far, it means a lot :D**


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N So this is it, the last one! Before the disclaimer, I want to once again thank everyone who has stayed with this story, reviewed, favourited and followed, it really means a lot to me! I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it, and hopefully, you'll be seeing some more FMA stories from me soon. That being said, I hope you all enjoy the final chapter, and as usual, I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist :)**

* * *

Ed slowly blinked open his eyes. Everything ached, and it took him a second to realise that the energy that had been a blessing yet a terrible, terrible curse was gone. Was he... finally free?

He was suprised to see that he had company. A lot of company, actually.

Winry, Roy, Al, Hawkeye, May, Lan Fan, Breda, Havoc in a wheelchair, Hohenheim, Scar and so many others that his vision was too blurry to see were all crammed into one stuffy hospital room. And staring at him.

"Hi?" He offered weakly, noticing that his throat was sore, like he hadn't spoken for a week.

Al, looking dazed, reached across, and slapped him. That seemed to snap everyone out of their silence.

"The doctor literally just said that you wouldn't be up for another week." Hohenheim told him, which explained the surprised stares.

Ed was staring at Al. Al, finally in his right body, finally able to cry... which his beloved younger brother was doing now.

"I-I thought that you'd never wake up!" Al sobbed. Ed awkwardly patted his brother on the back, wondering why he had been unconcious in the first place.

"Your body is recovering from the shock of you not being a homunculus anymore." Roy told Ed, smiling. Ed stared at the dark circles under Roy's eyes. Dark circles meant long sleepless nights, full of worry and questions that couldn't be answered.

"So it worked?" Ed asked, voice full of raw, desperate _hope_. He couldn't feel the energy, but he wanted to know for certain.

"Yes. You gave us all a heart attack, but it worked." Roy said, torn between sounding fond and annoyed, in the lecture mode that Ed hadn't heard since before he became a homunculus. He'd never admit it, but he missed that tone. Because it belonged to the old days that seemed so, so far away, like he'd never go back to them.

But they seemed to be returning. Maybe... Maybe he really had fixed everything...

Then Winry looked him full in the face, and pulled out her wrench... Only to have her hand shake and she dropped the tool, and it fell to the floor with a loud clatter, and she hugged him instead.

"W-Winry?" He gasped, completely shocked.

"Y-you idiot!" She screamed. At this point, most people edged out of the room, wanting to give them some privacy.

Ed held her close, silently apologising for all that he'd done wrong, and apologising for all the souls that he was so, so _happy_.

* * *

Izumi hovered outside the door of Ed's hospital room. Everyone had long since left to allow the poor boy to get some rest. Al had explained in the battle, in short, that Ed _never_ wanted what happened to him, and was honestly not a monster.

But she hadn't believed it. It had just seemd so _wrong_. Everything about ... not it, Ed, had seemed so twisted and disfigured. In those seconds, one of the pupils that she had grown to care for, so much, like her own children, had been stolen from her by alchemy again.

Like the child in that circle. The child that she thought that she'd caused to die twice for so, so long. The burden that had broken her, chipped away at her soul, only recently lifted and set her _free_ , free from the guilt of the light _fading_ from the child's eyes and knowing that it was _all her fault_ \- it had all come crashing back.

She knew all about the dark side of alchemy, what it could do. And she'd seen it once more, wearing the face of someone she loved...

She let her breaking heart rule her and pushed him away. Even if it _hurt_. Because what little of her pupil was left... She refused to dishonour it by treating that _monster_ like it really was Edward Elric.

But she'd been wrong.

She'd only hurt her pupil and herself in the end. Once again, Ed had proved her wrong, and hadn't become a monster, but remained human through all. Because no monster would go through so much to help his brother. Nothing inhuman would let out such a _scream_ , go through so much _pain_ ,just to make their brother feel, cry and be human again.

She'd only hurt him... and now she had not idea how to make it up to him.

"Just talk to him." A voice from behind her made her jump. Izumi turned and met the frosty glare of Colonel Roy Mustang. He looked furious, but he seemed to be containing himself. He looked like an angry parent would, and the thought startled Izumi more than she'd like to admit.

Still, she decided that just this once, she'd take advice from a Dog of the military, and turned and walked into Ed's room without a word to the Colonel.

But she had plenty to say to Ed, and the first words out of her mouth were filled with regret and were a simple: "I'm sorry."

However, that was all she needed to say.

* * *

Ed found himself unable to meet the woman's eyes. "Mrs Bradley... I'm sorry," _for so, so much..._ "But could I talk to you for a second?" He'd recently been released with the hospital, and he'd talked to Teacher, and was so glad that one of his bonds hadn't been severed by all that had appened after all.

But now, he had to admit to all that he had done, starting with this, because otherwise, he'd feel guilty forever.

"It's fine..." The woman's voice was scratchy, and it sounded like she had been crying. Ed was glad that the voice of Pride had finally stopped talking, because otherwise, he _knew_ that he wouldn't be able to do this.

"I'm sorry... but the one who killed Pr- your son was me." He blurted, unable to stop, because if he didn't say it soon, the _guilt_ would eat him alive (but it'd never stop haunting him, because in his last moments, Selim Bradley had been so _human_ ).

"I know..." The woman took a deep, shuddering breath, eyes watering as if the confession pained her. "I know about what my husband and son were." She began to cry quietly, and silently wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "But to me, they'll always be exactly that, my husband and little boy... I know that they did wrong, that they were lying, but it made me so _happy_." She whispered.

"So please... Don't lie to me, but please, _please_... can you tell me Selim's last words?" She sobbed, eyes desperate and flooded with greif.

"Yes... They were 'I'm glad I had a mother'. I really am sorry." Ed whispered, and slowly walked away, pretending he couldn't hear the woman's sobs.

In his mind, Pride's voice whispered for the last time, and instead of malice, the voice sounded sad.

" _I really was... so very glad."_

* * *

"Hey Hohenheim, can I ask you something?" Ed asked suddenly. He'd left central not long after talking to Mrs Bradley, and after reassuring Roy a million times that he'd be fine, had gone for some strained father and son bonding time with Hohenheim.

Except it wasn't really father and son bonding time, more paying resepect to people they'd both hurt.

"Of course, Edward." True to his word, Hohenheim really was _trying_ , trying to be a good father, trying to fix everything.

"Did the souls... did they hate me for what I did?" He asked, because it _mattered_ , so much, because he'd killed them all, in regenerating and fixing his brother, adn he regretted _so many_ parts of it, but not fixing Al, _never_ fixing Al.

Suprisingly, his father laughed, but he sounded sad. "No Edward. I talked to them all, remember? I got to know all of them in detail, and I can honestly say that they all had as much love for you and your brother as I do."

Hohenheim then looked the other way as Ed wiped away his tears.

* * *

"It's done." Ed breathed, staring up at what he and Hohenheim had travelled so far to create.

In the ruins of Xerxes, where the King's palace had once been, now stood a monument, a statue marked with each of the lives that had been lost in the tragedy. Now they would be remembered, and their lives -their sacrifice- wouldn't be forgotten. Ever.

"They deserve it." Hohenheim was crying, but he was smiling at the same time. "They always did."

* * *

Pinako Rockbell sat at the window, staring out at the path that ended at her humble little shop blankly. She had worried about those kids. Winry, Ed and Al. They were all so young, and not one of them had written once. Either what had happened was so _bad_ that they didn't have time to call or even let her know, or they'd all died, and she was alone with all her loved ones as graves. She didn't think that her heart would take seeing those children burried.

Her pipe fell out of her mouth as three figures started walking towards her. She kicked the pipe into the corner in her haste to open the door, but she didn't care. The kids had finally come home.

* * *

Ling sighed, staring at the sky, lost in thought. He wondered how things were in Amestris. He'd honestly been tempted to go back with the ninjas he'd sent, but he was needed here, in Xing, but he felt like a bird in a cage, but now, he was just waiting for the key, and then he'd be free.

What he'd always wanted... So close, he could almost taste it, but it was bitter, so, so bitter because his friends had been abandoned due to this dream.

He should've been there fighting with them, but...

There was a knock on his door. Ling sighed. "Enter." He said sharply, trying to sound full of authority.

One of the Emperor's guards, as always, hidden behind a mask bowed, and read out a scroll, in a clear, cutting voice.

"The Emperor died in his sleep a mere hour ago. Before his untimely death, he named you, Ling Yao as his successor."

* * *

Al smiled at May as she looked at him uncertainly. "Are you sure?" She asked timidly, dark eyes wide with shock. Al had thought long and hard about this, and while he didn't want to leave his brother so soon after _everything_ , they had agreed that it would be for the best.

"Yeah!" Al said gently, and took her hand. "Whatever your clan has to say, we'll face it together, okay? And along the way, I can try and learn alkahestry, so I can have an excuse for coming with you."

May flung herself at him, and sobbed into his chest. "T-thank you!" Al closed his eyes, and hugged her back. The small girl had been there for him when he needed support the most, and he refused to let her go through this alone. And it felt so good, because now he could actually feel her hug.

"If you're going to Xing, then I'd like to come too. I'd like to take the time to get to know my son, Alphonse." Hohenheim announced, walking up to them.

"S-sure." Al blinked, taken by surprise.

"And, of course, someone needs to keep an eye on you." Hohenheim winked behind his glasses, making Al turn red at the implications.

"I won't be alone." May whispered happily, Shao May chirped in agreement, and Al couldn't be gladder for the choice he had made, if it made her smile like that.

* * *

Ed sat with Winry on a bench, on the train station. Ed stared at the floor, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut. He didn't want to leave yet... But the longer he left this, the more it would hurt in the end. But a little more time, just to say something, _anything_. He had too much to say, because he hadn't said it before, and now... There wasn't enough time to say everything.

But he was going to try.

Ed took a deep breath, and spoke. "Winry..."

She looked up, but didn't look suprised. "Yes, Ed?"

"I'm not going to quit the military." He admitted, and was suprised by the sudden warmth of her holding his hand.

"I guessed you wouldn't... But I want to hear it from you." She whispered, and Ed smiled because she was just so _strong._

"I think I've done too much wrong, with Kimblee and Pride, and I want to make it up in any way I can. I want to help change this country so somthing like that can _never_ happen again." Ed said, trying not to let any of his _guilt_ , his _regrets,_ seep into his voice.

Winry squeezed his hand and smiled. "I thought so."

Ed's heart sped up, because this was the question he wanted to ask all along, and he was scared of her answer. "W-will you... Will you wait for me?"

Winry leaned forwards and hugged Ed tightly. "Always. I'll wait for my entire life if I have to. Do you promise to come back home? Do you promise to come back to _me_?"

Ed hugged her back, as if he'd never let her go. "I will." He whispered. "Always."

* * *

Envy didn't know how long he'd been trapped in that lab for. He didn't know what had been in those needles that had _changed_ him. He didn't know much of anything anymore. He didn't even know _himself_ anymore. He'd escaped, but at a price. The envy that had always controlled him, had always _been_ him- _who_ he was, was gone. Not completely, but it had dimmed, from the bright light that had blinded everything else to a small spark.

Now there were other emotions that he'd never had before, and didn't know how to use. They were uncontrollable, but they were what he _always_ wanted, had always been jealous of. At the moment, he didn't know what they were, what he was feeling. The newspaper clenched in his fist proved that the promised day had long since passed, and the fact that all the humans were still here, leading their suddenly no longer insignificant lives, meant that it had all gone horribly wrong. Despite all the odds, Father had failed, and Envy was glad.

Was that what this warm, pleased feeling was? Happiness? He shouldn't be happy that his father was dead, but the thought that those cold eyes and the pain that came with them no longer existed only filled him to the brim with this warm feeling.

What would he live for now? Whatever was in those needles had weakened him so much. He'd escaped by pure luck. Luck and nothing else. He was weak now, just like a human.

He hated himself for liking it.

He had enough power left for one last transformation. But what would he do from there? He was a homunculus. He could _never_ be human. But the Fullmetal kid had managed it, right? Even though he had been just the same as Envy, his eyes were human. He'd never stopped being human...

Maybe it was time to do some good for a change. Even he could manage that much... Then maybe Envy could find out what being human meant...

With one last flash of light, the old Envy was left behind, and the not quite a homunculus took the first steps to chaning himself. Because being alone hurt.

* * *

"Are you sure?" Winry asked, staring at the one-armed man before her.

"If you're willing to do it, then yes." Scar said gruffly. "I can't go around with one arm forever."

Winry nodded, not allowing herself to cry. "Then I'll start on your automail right away." She turned away without another word, still frosty with the man that had killed her parents.

Scar, meanwhile, walked towards the graveyard, intent on saying sorry.

* * *

Roy's entire face lit up as Riza walked into his office, fully recovered. "I'm glad to see that you're back." He said gently. Havoc would be back soon, too, and the office would be back to normal quickly. Except it would have an Edward shaped hole in it, because the boy had _won_. He'd got everything back and didn't need the military anymore.

"Well, someone has to have your back." She smirked, and put a breif, reassuring hand on his shoulder, as if knowing what he was thinking. She really did have his back, in every sense of the word.

He would never ask for anything else.

"Am I interrupting something?" A catious voice asked, and Ed edged into the room, in his blazing red coat, and though Roy couldn't see the symbol on the back, he wouldn't be surprised if Ed's usual symbol was there, not the symbol that haunted his nightmares.

"Not really," Roy sighed, heart heavy because he _knew_ what was coming, "I take it that you're here to hand your watch in?"

"No." The boy blinked. "I was here to see what my duties were, actually."

Roy stared dumbly. "What?"

Ed smirked. "You heard me. You haven't got rid of me yet, Roy." _Roy, not 'Colonel Bastard', eh?_

"The military is no place for a child. You shouldn't be here." Roy said, because a part of him really did want to send Ed away, to where he'd be safe. Look at the massive mess the poor boy had been dragged into already because of the military.

"I shouldn't have broken Kimblee out of prison." Ed shrugged. "I want to do something good for a change, like drag you to the top."

Roy laughed. "Fine. Your first duty is to visit Madame Christmas' new bar with me... and Hawkeye."

Ed smirked. "That sounds fine with me." Hawkeye raised an eyebrow but didn't argue. Roy swore that this time he'd succeed in protecting them both, because that's what Flame alchemy was supposed to be used for.

* * *

Envy joined the military. It was the only thing he could think to do to make up for Ishval, because now he could understand the pain that he caused, it would kill him otherwise.

Fate either loved or hated him, because he ended up working closely with Mustang's men a couple of times.

One of these times, he'd fired a bullet, and saved Edward's life.

He'd laughed and remembered that it had been him firing a bullet that began everything in the first place, and he wondered if he could ever fire enough bullets to make up for it. Even if he couldn't, he'd try. One bullet, one good deed, at a time.

* * *

Ed stared up at the stars. The sky would change eventually, away from the anchor it had been for so long, but he was begining to accept change again. It wasn't all bad, there was hope now, hope for his future, and for everyone else too.

Sure, there was darkness behind them, but the stars would work together to light up the night. Even if one was a slightly darker shade of gold, the others would be there beside it, burning bright.


End file.
